My DD (8) always embarrasses me

[Struggle1]

I’m really upset right now, I know part of it is as I’m feeling depressed and my mental health is very bad but I feel any happy days I have my DD “sabotages” them. I know it’s part of being a child but I’m fed up of it now.

An incident happened earlier today where I was chatting away to a lovely lady at an activity. I felt good today, I’m usually very anxious and shy/introverted but today I thought I’m going to make the most of it and forced myself to interact with people and stop isolating myself. The other mum and I were chatting and I made a comment and my DD contradicted me in front of this mum (and others mums listening in!) and shouted “NO! That’s not true we don’t have that, stop lying mummy”. My face went bright red and the conversation stopped. I felt so embarrassed. Just for context I didn’t lie about this thing it’s just something small which DD realised later we do have once I pointed it out to her. In the car I explained to DD she shouldn’t interrupt when I’m talking to adults. I feel so embarrassed, as I’m generally an anxious person this is affecting me more. A normal person would just laugh and shrug it off but I’m still thinking about it! DH has taken kids to see his mum so I have a few hours to myself and I’m wasting it but replaying the scenerio over and over in my head.

I tried to talk to DH when I got home as I was feeling upset but his response was he doesn’t care and doesn’t have time and has to take his dad somewhere. He called me a weird little bitch (kids were in car and didn’t hear).

This op. I have an 8yo who would know not to do this.

She's only 8 and I think your response is due to anxiety and depression.
Worth seeing a psychologist and do some CBT and mindfulness.

I couldn't agree more

Tbh what concerns me is your DH’s attitude - I wonder whether this is a sign that his behaviour is actually coercively controlling and abusive and that this is how your daughter is learning her cues to be rude and accuse you of lying so rudely.

I wonder whether this is what underpins your lack of self confidence and your anxiousness. I wonder whether you need to speak to someone at a women’s support service to get a perceptive on this? If it turns out that the comment you noted in your OP is ‘typical’ of his behaviours, then your self esteem will continue to plummet and your child’s behaviour will recur and, indeed, worsen. And if this is typical, then you need to consider leaving as it will only get worse.

thats arse about face in my experience. Find the strength to deal with him and you will feel better.

Oh come on. The child thought OP was lying. Children are taught not to tell lies and don’t automatically know that sometimes you should stay silent whilst they’re told. They have to be taught that, and she has now been taught that. You can’t punish a child for calling out what she believed to be a lie.

OP’s partner, on the other hand, does not need to be taught how disgusting, misogynistic and abusive calling his wife a bitch is. He’s the problem here.

Your DD was rude, as most 8yos are sometimes. I do think you should've been firmer about correcting her and teaching her that it's bad manners to act like that, but sounds like you know that. There's plenty of time to teach her how to behave and she'll grow out of it.

I was that child! We were staying in a guest house. A lady was complaining to mum that the kitchen staff were using tea towels then drying them to use again. Mum was agreeing that they should be washed after every use. I piped up "mummy you do that at home". She was mortified.

There are some right wet parents here. Children need to be told not to be rude before they are applauded for being bright little beacons speaking the truth!

OP, the problem is not your rude DD, the problem is your nasty husband teaching the children to have no respect for you.

Im gonna get fried for saying this but if you dont start now with your daughter and tell her her attitude is out of order.
It will most likely get worse as she gets older.
Oh and the only one being a bitch is your husband and its rubbing off on your child.

He's the reason you feel like this, I can pretty much guarantee.

You are probably anxious coz your husband is a massive knob, speaking to you like that, your daughter has probably picked up his disrespectful way of talking to you. Your husband needs to get in line...

With your daughter I would have pulled her aside (before you got home and not in front of others ) and out her on time out when you got home

I would have spelled it out to her that she is NOT to listen and interrupt your adult conversations

I think me and walnut (above) basically wrote the same thing. I am majorly strict with mine and they have good manners!! Kids get away with too much. Too mouthy (I see it in my job all the time)

Tbh, I'd have pointed it out to my daughter at the time.

What your husband said was far worse but, tbh, it must be infuriating having to take the children out for the afternoon because you needed some time to yourself because of a comment your daughter made this morning!

I'm with those who think you have two problems. One is a symptom of the other . Your DH is hugely abusive and your daughter's disrespectful behaviour copies his.

If any of my kids behaved like that I would have reprimanded them in public, they would then be removed from any 'fun activity and taken home with timeout consequences and possible Sam rooms on screen time ..

Meanwhile you need to act now and divorce this arse before she is at the point of know return.

THEN .. you will find your MH improves with very little effort. Having removed the source of it from your life .

I don't know what conversation you were having with the woman, were you animated and laughing a lot? It is possible your daughter was embarrassed by you and wanted it to end. A child of her age will not have learned how to divert conversations tactfully.

Children do embarrass their parents sometimes but parents frequently embarrass their kids. I can remember cringing at how my mother conversed with others, I really did not like being with her and other people.

Your husband definitely shouldn't have called you a weird little bitch. I'd want to know what he meant by that, if he did mean it.

I can see why what happened was humiliating for you.

Your daughter is old enough to know not to interrupt or contradict you so forcefully (even if her 8 year old impulses do sometimes get the better of her). She is old enough to be corrected when it happens.

I wouldn’t let your daughter see you being so massively upset by her behaviour though. It will give her a very skewed sense of power. Correct the behaviour and move on. You are the adult and she is the child.

Like previous posters I’d suspect she’s picking up on how your husband treats you. Please think about getting some help. 🌺

I cannot count the number of people in abusive relationships who have come in to see me about their mental health, wanting to improve that. It is usually the case that the only thing that helps their MH is getting out of the relationships.

This. And I’d be nipping that in the bud now. Sounds like you have low self esteem. You need to stand up to him or leave him.

as for your daughter, I’d have said “do not speak to me like that, we do not call people liars”, and then ALSO spoken to her later like you did

You won't feel better while you're with him. I strongly suspect he's the reason you feel so crap.

Correct your daughter straight away.
Ask your husband who he thinks he's talking to.

Why is it rude for a child to say that someone is lying?

I'd be sharply correcting them both. I'm astonished they're speaking to you like that.