My DD (8) always embarrasses me

[Struggle1]

I’m really upset right now, I know part of it is as I’m feeling depressed and my mental health is very bad but I feel any happy days I have my DD “sabotages” them. I know it’s part of being a child but I’m fed up of it now.

An incident happened earlier today where I was chatting away to a lovely lady at an activity. I felt good today, I’m usually very anxious and shy/introverted but today I thought I’m going to make the most of it and forced myself to interact with people and stop isolating myself. The other mum and I were chatting and I made a comment and my DD contradicted me in front of this mum (and others mums listening in!) and shouted “NO! That’s not true we don’t have that, stop lying mummy”. My face went bright red and the conversation stopped. I felt so embarrassed. Just for context I didn’t lie about this thing it’s just something small which DD realised later we do have once I pointed it out to her. In the car I explained to DD she shouldn’t interrupt when I’m talking to adults. I feel so embarrassed, as I’m generally an anxious person this is affecting me more. A normal person would just laugh and shrug it off but I’m still thinking about it! DH has taken kids to see his mum so I have a few hours to myself and I’m wasting it but replaying the scenerio over and over in my head.

I tried to talk to DH when I got home as I was feeling upset but his response was he doesn’t care and doesn’t have time and has to take his dad somewhere. He called me a weird little bitch (kids were in car and didn’t hear).

really? You don’t think this is rude. would you do it at work? Would you do it in the pub?

It is rude because you wouldn’t say that to someone you respected. You would say “I think you’ve misunderstood” or “I don’t remember that”, “I didn’t know we had that”. You don’t go around accusing people of being liars. Seems odd you need that explaining…

Because it's not how well-mannered people (children or adults) treat someone they respect.

Your daughter is rude ! You should have told her as much straight away . Not after . As for your Husband , well ….. is there a way your daughter gets her rudeness from her dad ? Is he like this often ?

This.

I have a 7 yr old DD and she can be extremely rude, especially re interrupting my conversations. I can absolutely imagine her saying the kind of thing your dd said in such circumstances. I would have simply corrected her there and then, told her not to interrupt again and to please watch her manners. I may have followed up later with a further conversation about how she spoke to me, not interrupting unless it's v urgent etc.

But it wouldn't have ruined the experience for me, it's just one of those things. This is part and parcel of your mental health issues I suspect - are you receiving treatment? I say this as someone who is on antidepressants and whose mental health has definitely messed was the their parenting at various points.

The problem is cyclical. You won't ever feel better if he treats you like this.

The fact that you just popped that out as if it were nothing suggests that it happens all the time. And is exactly why you don't have the confidence to address your daughter, or ironically, him.

This. How horrible!

Your H is a nasty little prick. Work on moving towards dumping him.

Is this the kind of thing your daughter does often? Or does she embarrass you in other ways? I'm someone who goes horribly red but I'm never sure if it looks as bad as it feels. Remember in future that you can correct your child in public, were you embarrassed because she was rude or because she made out you were lying? Your DH is not helping your self-esteem at all and you deserve better from him.

I think your DD speaks to you like that because of how she hears her dad speak to you. You need to stop tolerating it from both of them.

Womens Aid is a good place to go for help.

Really really unneeded. Not everyone is fucking perfect. Your parents clearly did a grand job with you themselves 🙄

My 8 year old DS has had his moments being annoying like this interrupting when talking to other adults it is embarrassing and have have had to have firm words with him about it before but there's no need to dwell on it i'm sure similar things have happened to the other parents with there kids before at least once. Just tell her it was rude and disrespectful, your husband sounds like he needs telling as well tho! And he's suppose to be the adult your DD not going to respect you copying him.

A weird little bitch? That’s the problem here.

This 😕

Genuine question….lots of posters are saying it’s extremely rude for children to interrupt adult conversation.

Im a stickler for manners and repeat what’s expected of my children before social engagements, they are on the whole polite (age 4 & 8) but if they need something isn’t it okay to get the parents attention? I don’t mean barge in but ask for permission to speak?

I don't think it's going to happen this way round, OP

Really? I wouldn’t. I would have thought I’d seen some parenting going on.

But I agree with others that this is not the main issue - your H’s attitude towards you is.

You might find that leaving your abusive husband will make you feel instantly better. Your daughter has learned this behaviour from him and your anxiety comes from him treating you like shit.

Saying, " excuse me, mum, but the pram is on fire" isn't interrupting. Blurting out, "Mum look at me do a handstand and that lady is fat" is rude.

Absolutely this. Really poor behaviour for an 8 year old. You say kids don’t hear your partner speaking to you like this but are you sure? Could she be copying her dads attitude? Response above is perfect. She needs to be put right in her place.

I would be depressed too if my DH called me things like weird little bitch ☹️. Do you think your DD is picking up on the way your DH speaks to you or her as it sounds like she spoke in a bit of an aggressive way for an 8yo?

I don’t worry too much about DD she’s only a child but you were definitely right to have a chat with her maybe a little more sternly next time! She will probably embarrass you a lot more as a teen and then hopefully a lot less when she’s an adult . However your DH is an adult and the way he spoke to you is disgusting I’d definitely be more concerned about the foul words he used towards you, big hugs my lovely x

Totally this.
Is there any wonder the child is a rude, precocious madam with a father like that?

Your daughter isn’t the problem here

get rid of the shit house bloke

Your DH called you a weird little b? Surely that should be the focus of your post? I really hate the idea of so many women being in a relationship with men who clearly hate them. Aside from being unpleasant, I think it's very dangerous. Don't be afraid to correct your daughter, I don't think her behaviour is unusual for a child her age, they are convinced they know everything!