She calls him work dad - but getting weird??

[Anastasia2]

My partner started a new job 6 months ago..he is co partnering in his friend's business so technically management.

A girl who's a friend of partners friend (sorry if that's confusing!) Also works there..she's just literally turned 18.

She adopted the name work dad for DP. this seemed quite cute, innocent at first.
Our daughter is 16 so my partner can have this caring, dad nature. Which I get..he had always come across as caring and eager to help out.
However, recently he just non stop talks about her :( it's making me uncomfortable.. he is giving her frequent lifts as well..although no fault of her own.she does live quite far from.the office and recently failed her driving test so it appears she is desperate to drive and maybe DP is just doing it temporarily? I just don't know what to think? Is "working dad" an innocent name/gesture?
I can't make out if she likes him?! I know that sounds terrible but I feel like they've definitely become closer..he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once..I took this as a good sign that he purposely brought dd with him as it made it look quite innocent
I just don't know if I'm overreacting or is this him displaying a liking to her. Which in my eyes is pretty disgusting.
Also, she doesn't have a dad..her father died a few years ago which Dp Will mention to me if I try to say anything against the relationship.
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The girl might be a bit naive and not behaving appropriately but he is the adult there so should hold the boundaries which I am not sure he is doing.

OP this sounds extremely dodgy to me. I think the girl should be running a mile from this.

He has form for cheating, lying and gaslighting you.

Basically he’s scum.

You need to dump him.

Any man who doesn’t have the intention will make it indisputably clear. An older man who wants to make it clear where the boundaries are, will not engage in any out of hours texting or suggestive chat or anything else that could be misconstrued. And those who do blur the boundaries, don’t do so for innocent reasons

This. No decent man would do ANY of the things you have said @Anastasia2 . He’s a sleezy pervert.

You need to get rid of him and this time for good.

Whether there is anything wrong in his actions at work or not, he is being plain stupid giving her lifts if it's just the two of them. Does he not realise that he is leaving himself wide open to an accusation of sexual assault or worse? Most men I know wouldn't dream of giving a girl a lift these days, unless it's someone they've known and been friends with for years. OP my advice would be to tell him that he should be having absolutely no contact outside of the work place, unless he has someone else with him, ie, your DD or another work colleague as well as this 18 year old girl.

I cannot believe you are putting your daughter in the middle of this toxic relationship!

I haven’t read the full thread but I have a work dad. Lots actually, most of the men over 50 (I’m late twenties and single, for reference) look after me like I’m their own daughter. Always checking my car, telling me to drive safely, getting me lunch, checking I am eating, and through my recent breakup, provided a shoulder to cry on too. There is genuinely nothing in it, some of them text me outside of work hours, but that’s just to see how I’m getting on. I’ve never known a lovelier bunch of people. Sometimes there are discussions or little comments of a sexual nature - but that’s just because I’m a woman on the site. I’m a mechanic - and it is just banter. I’m not defending your husband at all, but from my perspective I get on really well with all of my “work dads” wives, and am friends with their kids who are around my age. I wouldn’t say any of it is inappropriate, I have firm boundaries and wouldn’t entertain any of it if it was “weird”. They also give me lifts sometimes and lend me their cars 🤷🏻‍♀️.

What happened with the new guy you were seeing last month? Did it not work out? I was thinking maybe it didn't and that was why you went back to dh? Even if that one didn't work out it should show you there are better options out there. You can have a better life.

Having read most of this thread and the thread that was linked, it seems like your husband is an abusive piece of shit.

Please leave him for good and warn the young woman and her mother about him. Do not allow him to ruin another woman's life, especially a teenager.

Gather every ounce of strength you have and get rid of this bit of dirt. You and your kids deserve better.

I would be disgusted at any man with a 16 year old daughter discussing anything sexual with a girl 2 years older. How would he like it if there was some man behaving like this with your daughter. The girl probably is seeing him as being helpful but he is crossing the line with her.

He wants something more with her. Men don't do favours for nothing. This whole situation is creepy.

Like pp's I had the same experience with an old boss. I was 16 and having trouble at home, he let me stay at his house and was very kind to me. Until he forced himself on me one night. He was early 40's.

I think if he's not already sleeping with her, he wants to soon. You could try to get him followed for proof.

I agree the girl will probably not realise at first if he has any interest in her other that being helpful. I had a boss like this when I was 16 I thought he was great so friendly but slowly little comments and sexual comments started. He had a lovely wife and sons older than me everyone thought he was great.

I think this also she probably does not want to speak out or lose her job she also depends on him for a lift. Her mum is trusting him thinking he has a daughter of similar age.

I really hope it is all innocent if he is going out of his way with lifts would he have an interest in this girls mum? I only say this because he wants your daughter to know this young girl. Do you know for sure the after hours texts are from the girl? cheaters are great at covering there tracks.

I can't believe there are people thinking it's outside the realm of possibility that he fancies her tbh!

I had an office job when I was 19. My 46 year old married manager was like this - always 'mentoring' and having 'banter'. My dad visibly seethed every time I told him a story about the guy and I really couldn't understand it.

This was until I attended the office Christmas party just after I left (they were nice enough to still invite me, I thought) - he said, and I quote, 'I can say this cos you don't work for us anymore... you have really nice tits'. I was floored - had not seen it coming.

It could also be entirely innocent OP but I'd have a conversation with your husband about stepping back, if only to protect himself and your relationship. The lines are blurred and although she's young, she isn't a kid - she's a young woman. If this carries on, where does it end? She's capable of getting the bus to work & doesn't need your husband for a 'mentor'

Having seen the update about the previous thread, scrap that last bit.

Id bet all the money in my bank that he is sniffing around this 18 year old.

You should leave!

@Anastasia2, you are currently in a false reconciliation. Your faithless P is still pursuing other women, in this case a teen.

He sounds obsessed and clearly can’t get enough of her — mentioning her excessively, messaging after hours, providing lifts, having lunches, and devoting days off to help her. And in my view, his participating in a discussion with this employee regarding her preferred names for penises is indeed inappropriate.

Both of you are triangulating your daughter, which is an unfair and damaging move. As @MadAntonia pointed out, P is looping her in to normalize his inappropriate agenda. He is banking on DD’s presence and their new friendship to help him gain more access to the 18 year old. You are also triangulating DD by asking her to speak to her dad, hoping he will listen to her. Yes, she came to you with concerns about his mentionitis, but it is your responsibility to tackle the problem by confronting your P, not hers.

I commented on your December thread. P was cheating on you while working away, and treating you and the children like garbage. In February you referenced your separation and shattered confidence. P had coerced you to always hold your head down in public to repel men, while he was acting single and cheating.

@Anastasia2, P learned nothing from your separation and is still up to his old tricks. Whatever recovery requirements he agreed to, he is throwing them back in your face and is once again riding roughshod over boundaries. His using DD to hide his grooming in plain sight is beyond despicable.

You need to bin this thirsty creep once and for all.

So he wants to use your 16 year old daughter to establish a friendship with this poor girl to legitimise further contact between him and another teenager he’s creeping on, and you want to use your 16 year old daughter to help fix your marriage and make him see that he’s being predatory towards a young girl?

Disgusting. Absolutely fucking disgusting, the pair of you.

Stay in your shitshow sham of a marriage if you must. But do not sink to the same level as the disgusting cockroach you are married to by involving your child. What the fuck are you thinking? And stop trying to justify it by talking about how mature she is for a 16 year old; she’s had to be! Her father is out there abusing her mother and trying to have sex with any woman who moves into his vicinity and you’re trying to use her as a marriage guidance counsellor? Jesus Christ, that poor little sod is going to need therapy to get over what you two are trying to do to her.

You should both be ashamed.

I don't think the 'work dad' title is an issue, a young colleague nick named my husband something similar ... because he stood by her when she was being bullied by a senior manager and because he gave her the benefit of his wisdom occasionally.

Texting outside work, giving lifts home and leaving work early to do so, meeting up at weekend, talking inappropriately. Professionally could be damaging even if nothing actually untoward. Must stop immediately.

@oakleaffy

which was my point!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. How would he react if his own Daughter was behaving in this way with an older man. It doesn't matter about sex chat, giving her lifts in the car, helping at a weekend, the texts outside of work, whether your daughter has been around or not, it sounds like he is being too familiar around this young female, and if your noticing it, then others may also notice. This could be a case of him just being a nice caring man and trying to fit in with the younger ones, but unfortunately it can be misread. As it's raised a flag in your own mind. He should have boundaries.

I know that my husband wouldn't be comfortable alone with a young girl in the car. My DD is 21 and he won't drop her friends home unless she is with them.

It is worrying that you have these thoughts about your husband, has he ever done anything in the past to make you distrust him?

I think you have trust issues.

Yes, I know a guy at work, at least 3 of the women (between about 25-30) call him a work dad. He is helpful to them, gives advice etc, but he tends to be more colleague behaviour towards them. Never any issues as far as I know when they've all been out as a team etc. But I know there's very little contact outside of work in the form of messaging etc.