She calls him work dad - but getting weird??

[Anastasia2]

My partner started a new job 6 months ago..he is co partnering in his friend's business so technically management.

A girl who's a friend of partners friend (sorry if that's confusing!) Also works there..she's just literally turned 18.

She adopted the name work dad for DP. this seemed quite cute, innocent at first.
Our daughter is 16 so my partner can have this caring, dad nature. Which I get..he had always come across as caring and eager to help out.
However, recently he just non stop talks about her :( it's making me uncomfortable.. he is giving her frequent lifts as well..although no fault of her own.she does live quite far from.the office and recently failed her driving test so it appears she is desperate to drive and maybe DP is just doing it temporarily? I just don't know what to think? Is "working dad" an innocent name/gesture?
I can't make out if she likes him?! I know that sounds terrible but I feel like they've definitely become closer..he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once..I took this as a good sign that he purposely brought dd with him as it made it look quite innocent
I just don't know if I'm overreacting or is this him displaying a liking to her. Which in my eyes is pretty disgusting.
Also, she doesn't have a dad..her father died a few years ago which Dp Will mention to me if I try to say anything against the relationship.
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OP, this stood out:

‘...he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once.’

He’s recruiting your daughter to legitimise and normalise the relationship he’s forming with this young woman. It’s a form of cover, and it’s a sick, sick thing to do to his own child.

If I were in your daughter’s position, I would be hating this. Dad forcing a friendship with this young woman, having to witness how he acts around her...all of it.

I would also be hoping that you would protect me.

So, you need to take matters into your own hands.

Tell him his behaviour is weirding out his own child.

Tell him it has to stop.

His behaviour is entirely inappropriate. The rides, the ‘work dad’ thing, the conversations on personal topics - he needs to shut that right down, for the young woman’s sake as much as yours and your daughter’s.

He’s a grown-ass man. No way he doesn’t understand about boundaries.

Even if it never went any further, it’s still totally unacceptable.

Sending strength and hugs, OP. This is an awful situation to be dealing with.

However, recently he just non stop talks about her

This is a huge red flag for me. It may well be innocent from her side, but from my experience when someone can't help but talk non stop about a person, they want more than friendship.

I'm sorry, but I would be making an exit plan if I was in your situation.

You think your partner is attracted to a girl close to his daughters age who even looks like her and you want HER to discuss it with him because you think SHE might be jealous?!

That's disgusting. On every level. Be the adult.

Creep

she brought her boyfriend into the office once and the conversation turned to her not liking the word "willy"

This is still really unclear. Conversations don't usually turn towards penises unaided. Did the conversation happen with the boyfriend there? Or did your DH and this woman start talking about willies after he'd left? (Weird either way honestly, but more worrying if the latter.)

If he says things to this girl he wouldn't say to his daughter then yes the relationship is inappropriate. You mention sexual conversations, are they comparable to how he'd speak with his daughter?

I believe in gut instincts and you can subconsciously pick up on things which paint a different picture to the seemingly innocent relationship which is hard for you to explain to others.
I don’t think it is appropriate for him to give her these frequent lifts, she is a grown adult who needs to make her own way back from home. Texting her out of work hours is totally unnecessary too.
I don’t believe men go out of their way to innocently help someone to this extent either. There is always a hidden agenda.
Sorry you are in this position, sounds awful.

He is shagging her. Sorry OP.

Mate, you get one chance in life, why are you with this sleeve bag?

Just to see this in a different context- DH us a teacher- if he indulged in any sex talk/gossip with an 18 year old at work, he'd be suspended, face disciplinary proceedings and lose his job. Your DP is making a fool of himself at best and at worst is indulging in inappropriate behaviours. His boundaries are all wrong.

This. Absolutely, this.

I don't think you're thinking straight at all. No way should you be getting dd involved we even if it was her decision.

Ltb. He's a creep. And he's already cheated.

I feel for the girl as she probably has no idea.

He probably isn't yet. She probably doesn't fancy him. He's just a disgusting creep.

I had a 'work dad'. I thought he was just the lovliest man ever. He really rooted for me in work, helped me get a promotion. He had a younger daughter and would say things like 'I hope my daughter turns out to be like you when she's older'. I was early 20's and he was late 40's. I really valued the relationship and really wanted to make him proud. But he grabbed my arse at the work Christmas party and I was completely mortified and disgusted.

Not saying that this is the same for your husband at all, but that was my experience. Hope it all works out ok for you.

@coolcoolcoolcool I'm so sorry that happened. Did you report him?

Honestly I think you’re trying to find things to be annoyed at him about.

She doesn’t like him in that way, else she wouldn’t be calling him work dad.

Many people call themselves/are called work mums/work dads.
Its nothing sinister or inappropriate.

He has a bit of mentionitis so could have a crush on her but nothing you’ve said actually suggests this, apart from him mentioning her but I think it’s more likely that you are heightened and so pick up on him mentioning her more than his other colleagues.

I don’t think he fancies her, else he wouldn’t be wanting his DD there.
More likely he is flattered to be seen as a big important, influential man by some girl woman.

You obviously don’t trust him though and I’d be considering whether it’s worth continuing a relationship with a man you don’t trust.

From your latest posts, OP, I'm quite concerned by your line of reasoning and putting your daughter in the mix. Please take the advice of all the posters here who are looking out for your DD's wellbeing and resist the more questionable thoughts which are popping into your mind. This relationship is fucking your head up.

I had a work dad when I was 19 he was also my manager. He was great and so kind to me and so was his wife who I met at work nights out. I even babysat his kids when they were let down. Then he had to ruin it all by being a complete sleezeball. He slowly became inappropriate with me that I didn't know if I was imagining it or realise until retrospective thinking and eventually it led to him trying to kiss me and declared his feelings. I quickly dissolved the friendship and stopped unnecessary contact. Watched him from afar moving on to someone else and do the same, he eventually had an affair that came out and his life exploded. Had to explain to his wife why I ghosted out as she contacted me to ask if I'd had an affair with him too and that was why I disappeared but only confirmed he was inappropriate with me and told her everything and she was very understanding about why I didn't feel I could go to her at the time it happened. As an adult I can easily see how he reeled me in.
Your husband sounds inappropriate, the fact your daughter even noticed says it all. You don't need her to mention it, just tell him stop being a creep and embarrassing himself with a barely legal adult

It is the putting resource (time) into this woman that is the worry

It's walking like a duck and quacking like a duck. You know the answer here @Anastasia2 Trust your instincts.

My ex had an affair with a 21 year old. He was 41. Didn’t think anything of it at first as couldn’t see what she would see in him!
but could tell he was offended that she called him her “big brother”
she did me a favour to be fair

Please don't get your daughter involved with this I know you say she's already involved , but it's you that needs to have it out with him . From reading your previous posts I can't imagine why you're still with him

I really hope this thread is just a load of old bollocks the OP made up on a bored afternoon. It really makes me despair of humanity otherwise.

When I was a young woman I was unconsciously looking for a father figure and looked to some of the guys in the office for that. I can only remember one of them that both treated me in a fatherly way and also wasn't interested in me in a sexual way further down the line. Thanks Phil, you were lovely. But even he wouldn't have gone out of his way to give me lifts, talk to me outside work or talk to me about willies.

Other ones were either not particularly interested in talking to me or made a pass. Sorry.

Like others on this thread I’ve also had a couple of relationships at work that had a ‘work dad’ dynamic when I was younger, that were then ruined by them eventually acting sleazy or crossing a line. Sad to read how common this experience is.