She calls him work dad - but getting weird??

[Anastasia2]

My partner started a new job 6 months ago..he is co partnering in his friend's business so technically management.

A girl who's a friend of partners friend (sorry if that's confusing!) Also works there..she's just literally turned 18.

She adopted the name work dad for DP. this seemed quite cute, innocent at first.
Our daughter is 16 so my partner can have this caring, dad nature. Which I get..he had always come across as caring and eager to help out.
However, recently he just non stop talks about her :( it's making me uncomfortable.. he is giving her frequent lifts as well..although no fault of her own.she does live quite far from.the office and recently failed her driving test so it appears she is desperate to drive and maybe DP is just doing it temporarily? I just don't know what to think? Is "working dad" an innocent name/gesture?
I can't make out if she likes him?! I know that sounds terrible but I feel like they've definitely become closer..he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once..I took this as a good sign that he purposely brought dd with him as it made it look quite innocent
I just don't know if I'm overreacting or is this him displaying a liking to her. Which in my eyes is pretty disgusting.
Also, she doesn't have a dad..her father died a few years ago which Dp Will mention to me if I try to say anything against the relationship.
.

Yes of course a 41 year old man will very likely be interested in an 18yo girl who thinks he's great. Flattered at the very least, some might be honorable and keep it platonic, but sleazier types will take full advantage. The fact that your partner has cheated before places him firmly in this second category! His age has nothing to do with it, many men like girls in their late teens and he's in midlife crisis territory.

I’m just dumbstruck at the idea of office sex talk. I’m sure it happens on building sites and restaurant kitchens, but I cannot imagine any office where that was a thing since the eighties. Even if it’s “just” banter about the word willy - presumably this girl didn’t just announce a dislike of the word out of the blue and there was at least one highly inappropriate conversation that led to that particular revelation.

You are asking completely irrelevant questions, they answers to which don't change things one bit. Your husband is inappropriate and lacks boundaries and will always be this way. That's all there is to it. You put up with it so it continues.

The lifts is one thing, I give a 19year old lad a lift to work, I'm nearly twice his age but I also like to help people where I can and he's a nice guy who shares some of my shifts. Outside of car rides and occasional chat at work though and this thread I don't give him much thought, certainly don't talk about him at home or anything.

The stuff I wouldn't like is the 'office sex talk' honestly, the idea of having any sort of sexual conversation, even banter, with an 18 year old makes me feel grubby and I don't have a child around the same age! That makes it feel even weirder to me. Mentionitis to the point even your dd has noticed is not good, if this were my dh I wouldn't be happy. Lifts, absolutley fine, I wouldn't care, the rest no way!

@Anastasia2

you call THST 'sex talk'

😩🤷🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Yes indeed.
My DH had horrendous mentionitis with a work colleague who was many years older than him!
Because of the huge age gap, I didn't feel strange about the mentionitis...But sure enough, they were having an affair and we got divorced over it.

Mentionitis is never good..it shows the person is on their mind constantly.

Men who may be attracted to very young women their daughter's age aren't rare, unfortunately.

None of it sounds at all professional and doesn't bode well for your dp creating a good working culture as a co-partner in the business.

Even calling her a 'work daughter' undermines her competence creating a misogynistic work environment.

I'd say he needs to seriously re-evaluate his actions and consider his role as a leader.

Not liking the term''Willy'' isn't sex talk.. ''Willy'' is an innocent name I associate with children- not adults.

It sounds more like he is flattered and validated by having this work protégé. But if you feel uncomfortable he should respect that and maybe stop with the lifts on their own and meeting up outside work.

The bloke is an idiot
He's leaving himself wide open to accusations
I'd take a very very dim view of my dh doing this ..
But he won't
Be cause he would think it as in appropriate asi do

Haven’t read full posts just first couple of OPs comments.

i had a boss who would drive from Stevenage to East Finchley to pick me up for work, we worked in Edgeware. He’d also take me home. Sometimes if I didn’t answer the door, he'd drive to Mill Hill East where I worked part time in a pub and would sometimes stay over. It was before everyone had mobile phones. He did it as kinda a work Dad thing. I moved to London on my own at 19. He also did it because it would be an2hr commute for me sometimes and well he wanted me to actually turn up for work for the most part. Yes there was sexual banter and jokes, that goes with the territory in most work environments. I worked in very male dominated jobs most of my working life so it was very much water off a ducks back. At no point did I ever feel he acted inappropriate. His wife knew he’d run around looking after me. He even bought me a TV once because I was in a bedsit with no tv. As far as I’m aware his wife never thought anything inappropriate was going on, we were probably closer in age than OPs DH. We chatted on the phone and she knew if she ever needed to know where he was I had his work diary.

My own DF was the work Dad at work. There was one young, actually 2 young lads that he as particularly found of. You could tell my the way he talked about one in particular he was a son my DF would be proud to have. They both, even though they hadn’t worked with my DF for years, turned up at my DFs funeral and were far more emotional than any one else. My DF was Dad to the girls at work too, all the staff, clients and suppliers. They all called him dad, I remember the first time some random builder walked in and asked “where’s me Dad” he was referring to MY DAD! My Dad would have no problem going out of his way giving lifts, helping out with anything anyone needed.

The fact he’s talking openly about her, I think you don’t need to worry, especially given the close ties with everyone involved, your dd going to work there, the girls mum getting her the job. He sounds like a friendly/family business.

He’s flattered by her attention & has developed a crush /infatuation with her.

@oakleaffy

"Not liking the term''Willy'' isn't sex talk.. ''Willy'' is an innocent name I associate with children- not adults."

But this isn't a child is it, this is an 18 year old girl talking to a man twice her age and who also happens to be her boss. Nothing about this is appropriate or innocent or should be encouraged.

At the very least he's flattered by her attention but, shock horror, men do want to get into teenage girls' knickers. Even if they have a daughter the same age. Who knew!

The OP's husband wants to watch himself. Going out of his way to give her lifts, adding her to social media, having (even mild) sexual banter with her. He's going to end up in big trouble and serves him right.

I doubt anyone would talk sexually to their Dad, pretend or otherwise. Also, he has a duty of care to employees. He has no right at all to talk so intimately to a very young woman. This may well end in tears.

The fact that he himself cannot see that he has seriously crossed the border / crossed the line, is in itself worrying.

all I can say is trust your gut instinct.

It's his job as the adult / older person here to maintain very very strict boundaries so that it does not even look sleazy from the outside - he is failing to do that.

Could you maybe invite her for tea or dinner (with you, partner and your daughter)? I think his reaction will tell you everything.

It's the kind of thing my partner may do, but without the office sex talk part.

You can’t ever trust him after what has happened in the past.

I doubt that this woman (she’s 18 so not a girl ffs) sees him as anything but the desperate sleeze that he is. She is not the problem, in all likelihood he is grooming a young woman who has lost her father and could well be quite vulnerable but it’s ok because she calls him her work dad?!

Don’t involve your child in finding out information. The only part that your daughter should be aware of is you showing her that it is unacceptable to treat women in this way and to have standards. Do what you should have done in the first place and leave him for good.

I think it sounds like she looks up to him as she has no dad, and he is taking her under his wing. Perhaps feels a bit sorry/responsible for her.

He had taken your own daughter to meet her and is encouraging a friendship there, gave her a lift as she can’t drive and they call each other work dad/daughter. It seems innocent to me. Plus, if she’s 18 and brought her boyfriend in the office, why would she do this if she had a crush on your husband?

Saying you don’t like the word Willy is not sex talk at all. If they were discussing what dildo she should buy it what positions they like that would be different but it’s not even remotely in the same league.

Maybe your husband feels responsible for her as she has no father and should put some boundaries in place such as no chat outside the office unless work related?

How on Earth is that the same thing?

Is this a windup? If not, what is wrong with you?!

@Anastasia2

Can I just list a few things he does drip feed and see if this changes peoples perception:

Quite.

I think work spouses, work parents, work families and all of that are usually very toxic and inappropriate dynamics. I think he is completely crossing all the lines with boss/employee relationship, older man/youngr woman relstionhlship and married man with kids relationships. I don't care if it is sleazy or coming from a good place, it is just inappropriate.

Didn't see much wrong till you said sex talk and texting and stuff out of work hours. Inappropriate and he needs to be careful