She calls him work dad - but getting weird??

[Anastasia2]

My partner started a new job 6 months ago..he is co partnering in his friend's business so technically management.

A girl who's a friend of partners friend (sorry if that's confusing!) Also works there..she's just literally turned 18.

She adopted the name work dad for DP. this seemed quite cute, innocent at first.
Our daughter is 16 so my partner can have this caring, dad nature. Which I get..he had always come across as caring and eager to help out.
However, recently he just non stop talks about her :( it's making me uncomfortable.. he is giving her frequent lifts as well..although no fault of her own.she does live quite far from.the office and recently failed her driving test so it appears she is desperate to drive and maybe DP is just doing it temporarily? I just don't know what to think? Is "working dad" an innocent name/gesture?
I can't make out if she likes him?! I know that sounds terrible but I feel like they've definitely become closer..he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once..I took this as a good sign that he purposely brought dd with him as it made it look quite innocent
I just don't know if I'm overreacting or is this him displaying a liking to her. Which in my eyes is pretty disgusting.
Also, she doesn't have a dad..her father died a few years ago which Dp Will mention to me if I try to say anything against the relationship.
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She is a very young women who's lost her dad. I'd say her motives are fairly obvious here. Your husband, on the other hand, as a mature man with a daughter the same age is behaving very inappropriately. It was down to him to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries and to keep his own feelings under control, and it sounds like he's failing on both counts. Tbh, I'm not sure what I'd do in your position, as if this was my DP I'm not sure I'd see him in the same light again.

Even if he was just being 'helpful', he should know how this might look to others, all the lifts, lunches etc. My husband had a younger employee who was lovely but started relying on him for lifts and so on, and he quickly realised it was 'off' and asked me what to do! He made sure they weren't alone, that nothing could be misinterpreted (so no going away to conferences together) and basically clamped down on it, as it was clear she had a crush on him. Is your husband doing any of this? If not, I'm guessing he likes the situation as it is. He sounds like an awful husband if he's cheated/crossed lines before, I wouldn't be fussed about what he called himself but I would be fussed about his behaviour.

He sounds like the creepy weirdo from the film American beauty. Of course he's disgusting, it doesnt matter whether a decent man might be just being helpful, your guy obviously isn't.

I accused you of drip feeding but fuck me this is hugely relevant and should have been in your OP. After what he did he should be doing all he can to earn your trust back.

On the face of it I thought it was just innocent friendly office banter but know he’s capable of cheating on you, that shows things in a different light. The second you expressed discomfort at his friendship with this lady, he should have stepped back.

Whether or not he’s cheating, he’s continuing to disrespect you and your marriage.

if you husband is the kind of guy who likes to go for girls his daughters age he could be cosying up to her and playing the long game.

You know him better than we do. What did he say when you told him his behaviour made you uncomfortable

I had a work dad when I was about 22. It’s been almost 15 years and my career has overtaken his by quite a lot, so he’s no longer in the mentor type position. However, we still speak. He came to my wedding. There was never even the tiniest whisper of impropriety. He’s a lovely lovely man.

However, from the previous post someone linked, your DH is not a lovely lovely man. There’s rather a lot of information that you really ought to have put in the OP.

I didn't call him that, but I used to have a colleague who was like a work dad. His DD ended up living with me for a while oddly enough. I adored him and was really sad when he died young. There was nothing inappropriate, and I can't see anything in what you've written that is inappropriate. Saying someone doesn't like the word "willy" is not sex talk.

That said, it sounds like you are looking for readons to split up. If you don't want to be together, you don't need him to have done something wrong first. Have a grown up conversation that the relationship is no longer working for you, and go from there.

When I was 17 I had a sleazy manager and I used to constantly make comments about how he reminded me of my dad and he was the work dad because he was my boss and I couldn’t just tell him to fuck off. This might not be the case at all, but with the sex chat your husband does sound like a bit of a sleaze. Now there’s an old guy I work with who I do see as a kind of work dad but I don’t call him work dad or anything it’s just an unspoken thing.
Hopefully your husband is not a sleaze, but this girl sounds like maybe she is venerable. I’d be tempted to go into the office one day and surprise him to try and sus the whole thing out, but I don’t know if that’s a great idea.

However, recently he just non stop talks about her

Mentionitis. I'm afraid that's a really bad sign.

I have a good relationship with my older male manager. I'm a bit older than the girl you mention and my manager is a bit older than your husband but similar age gap. He reminds me of my dad a lot however our relationship is a lot less intense and lot more appropriate. Absolutely zero sex chat, zero nonsense, we just get on well as colleagues and he's a father type figure in some ways.

I think their relationship sounds a bit concerning especially with the drip feed of your husbands past behaviour. He doesn't sound like a nice person

So in December you found out he was (at the very least) lying to you and having inappropriate communication with another woman and then you had some time apart but reconnected and now he's perving on an 18yo work colleague.

Surely there is only one solution here.

Leave him, for good.

It's inappropriate,weird and suspicious
I'd give him the options to stop giving lifts or show him the door
This is not innocent in anyway

Your husband is still the sleazy scumbag he's always been, and with whom you've chosen to stay with. Which is beyond comprehension, I might add.

Ok, I remember your last post.

Kindly, and with love, you need to leave. Even if his behaviour is appropriate and without sinister intentions, your mind will always go to this place. It is a normal response but it won't do you well. Mentally and physically it will tear you apart. He also isn't understanding your fears and reacting appropriately to them.

so now he has told you what he is like twice?

Is this really how you want your life to be?

Would he have a conversation with his actual daughter about whether or not she likes the word Willy?

@Bobbotgegrinch

Thank you..thank you to the 'work dads'that have commented..that's exactly the perspective I was hoping to get.
I actually feel bad for her losing her dad and having no family except her mum here (she is foreign) but sadly, I think my dh has other intentions

My plan is to maybe get my daughter to say something.. they actually swapped numbers as they will be working together come.the summer.
I've asked my daughter what she thinks and she says it's odd how much he talks about her so I said when you're alone together just call him up on it..maybe it will hit him coming from his daughter.

I'm fascinated by the amount of people who think it's appropriate for a 41 year old .an to be talking about Willys with an 18 year old woman.

It's not appropriate conversation to be had between a boss and his employee, or an older man with a younger woman, in the work place. How did this conversation arise? I doubt she just blurted it out.

Even if you dont think 'sex talk' we should expect better. And frankly, discussing prefered terms for willy's, boobs, fanny's etc could very easily be some form of flirtatious behaviour from either participant.

Sorry OP but this is completely inappropriate and not acceptable. I worry that the poor girl is feeling very uncomfortable and he’s using your DD to try to gaslight the young girl. Any man who was innocent would never put himself in this position. As for ‘office sex talk’ WTAF it’s 2024 and she’s 18!!!

You know your creep of a husband has other "intentions", yet your solution is to drag your own daughter into this by asking her to police his disgusting behaviour? Unbelievable.

She probably brought her boyfriend in to warn the ‘work dad’ off

Oh OP, please don't do that! There is no way its appropriate to bring your DD into this. Try to imagine her perspective, she's basically being asked to spy on her dad. Not only that, she's 16, which is way too young and inexperienced to give a useful perspective. Her age, her emotions, whether she likes the girl, are all going to skew her perspective. Its also unnecessary. As all you may get is a sense of what the girl feels about your husband, which isn't at all the pertinent point. It's his feelings and behaviour that matter.

WTF???

Disgusting of you. Ugh.

Oh my goodness PLEASE don’t involve your own DD in this - that is so inappropriate! Having seen your old thread- it’s pretty clear your DH is NOT ‘one of the good ones’, and despite this girl being an adult (just), she’s still vulnerable, and your DH sounds like his intentions are really not kind and fatherly.