Page 4 | She calls him work dad - but getting weird??

Anastasia2 · 2024-04-28T08:02:01+00:00

My partner started a new job 6 months ago..he is co partnering in his friend's business so technically management. A girl who's a friend of partners friend (sorry if that's confusing!) Also works there..she's just literally turned 18. She adopted the name work dad for DP. this seemed quite cute, innocent at first. Our daughter is 16 so my partner can have this caring, dad nature. Which I get..he had always come across as caring and eager to help out. However, recently he just non stop talks about her :( it's making me uncomfortable.. he is giving her frequent lifts as well..although no fault of her own.she does live quite far from.the office and recently failed her driving test so it appears she is desperate to drive and maybe DP is just doing it temporarily? I just don't know what to think? Is "working dad" an innocent name/gesture? I can't make out if she likes him?! I know that sounds terrible but I feel like they've definitely become closer..he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once..I took this as a good sign that he purposely brought dd with him as it made it look quite innocent I just don't know if I'm overreacting or is this him displaying a liking to her. Which in my eyes is pretty disgusting. Also, she doesn't have a dad..her father died a few years ago which Dp Will mention to me if I try to say anything against the relationship. .

Nagado · 28/04/2024 11:31

Anastasia2 · 28/04/2024 11:24

No I'm not implying that at all!! In fact the opposite! I made the statement about her mum not minding as one of DPs claims to think he's doing nothing wrong.
I, as a mother would be very wary if an older man was giving my teem lifts
Now DP has made it clear she's 18 as if this somehow justifies it because she's an adult and not a kid???
So regarding the lifts thing, it was only once a week but now it's become nearly every day it seems. That's what has got my spider senses rising more recently..I feel like at the beginning it was purely innocent and be cause he has a tendency to help people, this was just classic him but now as I feel.its exacberated.

I apologise unreservedly, I misunderstood.

The more he tries to defend himself, the more suspicious it sounds. She’s an adult and not a kid, but she can’t get herself to work on the bus and she needs a father figure?

Branleuse · 28/04/2024 11:32

I would be talking to my husband about boundaries and integrity.
Tell him that you are not going to be made an idiot out of or be gaslit. That this is how affairs start and that if anything did happen that he would be taking massive advantage of a young girl, risking his relationship with his own kids and risking his marriage.
That you understand that attention from a teenage girl that looks up to him can be massively flattering togus ego, but your Spidey senses are tingling here and you can see this going tits up, and you'd appreciate him putting some fucking boundaries in place here before he fucks up

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/04/2024 11:33

Hello, Work Dad here! People started calling me it because I tend to be the last older "sensible" person out on works nights out and I make sure that the younger drunken ones aren't getting hassled and get in taxis / home Ok at the end of the night.

I'm also the only older man who has to work in the office with the younger ones on a day to day basis. Due to the type of work we do, it's me (41) and a team of eight 22 - 28 year olds. I'm not their boss, (the 28 yo is) but need access to the lab they all work in. Everyone else mostly works from home.

As a result I am far closer with them than anyone else in the company. Conversations about sex do happen occasionally (they have in any office I've ever worked in, mostly initiated by women!). Someone not liking the word willy is tame enough that I wouldn't even have to think about joining in, although some of the stuff that sails a bit closer to the edge I do find an excuse to leave the room for.

I do sometimes go on lunch one on one with some of the women, if we're leaving the office at the same time it just makes sense to sit together in the cafe.

I've never given anyone a lift home, as I don't drive to work, but I don't think I would even if I did, as I'm aware of how things could look, even if nothing untoward is going on.

Personally I think what your husband is doing @Anastasia2 could be perfectly innocent, or it could not be. Even if it is though, he needs to start thinking about how his actions look to others.

Allfur · 28/04/2024 11:35

So he has form for this kind of thing?

Springforwardnow · 28/04/2024 11:36

KezzaMucklowe · 28/04/2024 11:20

Whoops, quoted the wrong person.

I think perhaps you meant to quote me.?
Perhaps pp not actually laughing but certainly at least one was derisory at OP considering this sex talk.

Nagado · 28/04/2024 11:36

She probably has a crush on him but so what, I'd want her to fuck right off

Why are you putting this on her?! He’s the one in the position of power here. And highly unlikely that she’d have a crush on him if she’s nicknamed him ‘work dad’. It’s not really giving out ‘consider me as an affair partner rather than something completely innocent, without motives and reminding you of your own teenager’, is it?

katebushh · 28/04/2024 11:36

I think this one boils down to trusting your gut.

jengachampion · 28/04/2024 11:37

Yeah with the context and the other post he needs to be got rid of

BarbarasRhabarberBar · 28/04/2024 11:38

Your post is conflicting in a lot of ways. Willy is not sex talk (how they got to this statement is imperative) but sex talk in and of itself does not indicate an inappropriate relationship. Unprofessional of course but it happens without intent.

I had a work dad. He was the same age as my dad and always offering me advice on money, my DP, raising my child etc but I was late 20s and he was late 50s. Work dad is cute. Work daddy (or zaddy) is not. It was never inappropriate but I wasn't a 16 yr old who might develop a crush on him and have it embellished by the work dad.

You know your partner. If he's a slimy prick, it's inappropriate. If he's an all round good guy it's just a protective relationship.

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/04/2024 11:39

Anastasia2 · 28/04/2024 11:29

Yes its him..we got back together after some time apart. Now I'm beginning to regret it with his recent actions

Ah, that changes thing. Ignore my last post, he clearly has form for this and is most likely trying to start something with her.

JaneAustensHeroine · 28/04/2024 11:40

Anastasia2 · 28/04/2024 11:29

Yes its him..we got back together after some time apart. Now I'm beginning to regret it with his recent actions

Some people lack boundaries. They are putting their needs for attention / feeling good about themselves above what is appropriate or respectful to others. You can try to explain it to them but if they can’t see it for themselves then it’s pointless.

His contact with this young woman likely makes him feel good about himself. He probably feels witty, amusing, entertaining and mature in her company. However, you know him well and have seen the bits of him he can hide from her.

I would tell him outright how this looks and feels. If he doesn’t turn it around really quickly, especially given your history, then he is never going to change.

I’m sorry you are in this situation. He sounds emotionally immature which will mean a lifetime of picking up the pieces where he gets into situations like these at the expense of his relationship with you.

fatphalange · 28/04/2024 11:42

Your DD is 16 so knock two years off his age and ask him if he would happily accept your 16 year old having this 'friendship' with a 39 year old man.

BarbarasRhabarberBar · 28/04/2024 11:43

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/04/2024 11:33

Hello, Work Dad here! People started calling me it because I tend to be the last older "sensible" person out on works nights out and I make sure that the younger drunken ones aren't getting hassled and get in taxis / home Ok at the end of the night.

I'm also the only older man who has to work in the office with the younger ones on a day to day basis. Due to the type of work we do, it's me (41) and a team of eight 22 - 28 year olds. I'm not their boss, (the 28 yo is) but need access to the lab they all work in. Everyone else mostly works from home.

As a result I am far closer with them than anyone else in the company. Conversations about sex do happen occasionally (they have in any office I've ever worked in, mostly initiated by women!). Someone not liking the word willy is tame enough that I wouldn't even have to think about joining in, although some of the stuff that sails a bit closer to the edge I do find an excuse to leave the room for.

I do sometimes go on lunch one on one with some of the women, if we're leaving the office at the same time it just makes sense to sit together in the cafe.

I've never given anyone a lift home, as I don't drive to work, but I don't think I would even if I did, as I'm aware of how things could look, even if nothing untoward is going on.

Personally I think what your husband is doing @Anastasia2 could be perfectly innocent, or it could not be. Even if it is though, he needs to start thinking about how his actions look to others.

I think this reads perfectly as an appropriate work dad!

I would give lifts if they were required but I'd be making sure everyone knew it was a platonic relationship.

Hatinthislife · 28/04/2024 11:46

Op, this is weird even if he didn’t have form. I’ve been the OW in these situations…please leave him.

HaggisBurger · 28/04/2024 11:51

Anastasia2 · 28/04/2024 11:29

Yes its him..we got back together after some time apart. Now I'm beginning to regret it with his recent actions

You didn’t think the previous incident you left him over with as relevant???

Talk about a drip feed ….

Hes trying to put a good spin on it my mentioning the “work dad” label. But it’s as clear as day that even if she’d never go there, there is something sexual / ego-boosting going on for him. The mentionitis and going out of his way to give her lifts - not just lifts when he is there any way are massive red flags.

This guy is gross and you need to ditch him permanently. You will never have a moments peace worrying about what he is up to.

Thepinkyponkc · 28/04/2024 11:53

No I agree with you OP. It’s strange and creepy. Trust your gut. It’s like he has a weird crush I’d say- not that he’d act on it - but it reminds me of when you fancy someone and talk about them and go out your way . I don’t know what you should do though about it. But I imagine you are looking at him and have the ick now. It would give me that !

MuttsNutts · 28/04/2024 11:55

Anastasia2 · 28/04/2024 10:43

This has been going on for months.. tbh I myself didn't think anything of it..silently scolded myself for when those what if thoughts appeared hence the main reason for asking on here. I would feel mortified telling friends. It would be painting him as a bit of a sleaze and we have younger children too.
I just can't figure out how much is too much.

Does anyone have experience of their DPS being named work dad? Was it ever sleazy?

You need to stop fixating on the fact that she’s called your partner ‘work dad’ and focus on his behaviour.

It certainly sounds like he is speaking inappropriately to an employee and the fact that the employee is a 16yo girl makes me think he’s a sleaze.

How a conversation about the girl’s boyfriend developed into her not liking the word willy would certainly ring alarm bells. For those implying that willy is not a sexual word, how would you like it if your 16yo DD ended up in a conversation like that with her boss? I would be imagining such a conversation and wondering how it had been steered in that direction and by whom.

LlynTegid · 28/04/2024 11:56

Weird is a reasonable description, and agree about boundaries. For the protection of both the young woman and your DP.

MuttsNutts · 28/04/2024 11:56

Thepinkyponkc · 28/04/2024 11:53

No I agree with you OP. It’s strange and creepy. Trust your gut. It’s like he has a weird crush I’d say- not that he’d act on it - but it reminds me of when you fancy someone and talk about them and go out your way . I don’t know what you should do though about it. But I imagine you are looking at him and have the ick now. It would give me that !

How do you know he wouldn’t act on it?

Branleuse · 28/04/2024 11:57

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/04/2024 11:33

Hello, Work Dad here! People started calling me it because I tend to be the last older "sensible" person out on works nights out and I make sure that the younger drunken ones aren't getting hassled and get in taxis / home Ok at the end of the night.

I'm also the only older man who has to work in the office with the younger ones on a day to day basis. Due to the type of work we do, it's me (41) and a team of eight 22 - 28 year olds. I'm not their boss, (the 28 yo is) but need access to the lab they all work in. Everyone else mostly works from home.

As a result I am far closer with them than anyone else in the company. Conversations about sex do happen occasionally (they have in any office I've ever worked in, mostly initiated by women!). Someone not liking the word willy is tame enough that I wouldn't even have to think about joining in, although some of the stuff that sails a bit closer to the edge I do find an excuse to leave the room for.

I do sometimes go on lunch one on one with some of the women, if we're leaving the office at the same time it just makes sense to sit together in the cafe.

I've never given anyone a lift home, as I don't drive to work, but I don't think I would even if I did, as I'm aware of how things could look, even if nothing untoward is going on.

Personally I think what your husband is doing @Anastasia2 could be perfectly innocent, or it could not be. Even if it is though, he needs to start thinking about how his actions look to others.

Pull the other one

DontPlayInMySandbox · 28/04/2024 11:58

Bit of a drip feed there. You're obviously struggling with trusting your own feelings. Point is, you don't really trust him any more.

MILTOBE · 28/04/2024 11:59

In one of your other threads you said that your relationship with your husband was soul destroying. You learned to keep your head down, literally, so that you didn't look at other men and they wouldn't look at you. You said your confidence was completely shattered.

You also said you were living in his parents' house. Is that why you went back to him, so that you had somewhere to live?

MoodyMargaret11 · 28/04/2024 12:02

A family man with young children and a full time business owner job, who has that much extra time for a random 18 yr old?
I don't buy it. Daily "out of his way" lifts, texts, sacrificing his weekends to help her out? Instead of spending time with his own family, hobbies etc - Nah.

Yhe loss of her dad (if that's even true,) is just an excuse. She has a mum and her own friends/relatives network.

If anything, it should be his biz partner playing the work daddy role as heknows her and her mum.

Also, how did she start the job in the first place not being able to get herself there??

BirthdayRainbow · 28/04/2024 12:02

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then your hand is a sleaze. Sadly her mum trusts your h and that is why she's fine, not because he's not doing anything wrong.

upthehills1 · 28/04/2024 12:03

You know your husband better than we do based on such little information. The fact you are concerned enough to post and ask the question means you think he is capable of this type of sleazy behaviour. I'd run a mile if I thought my DH would act this way (if indeed the behaviour is sleazy!)