She calls him work dad - but getting weird??

[Anastasia2]

My partner started a new job 6 months ago..he is co partnering in his friend's business so technically management.

A girl who's a friend of partners friend (sorry if that's confusing!) Also works there..she's just literally turned 18.

She adopted the name work dad for DP. this seemed quite cute, innocent at first.
Our daughter is 16 so my partner can have this caring, dad nature. Which I get..he had always come across as caring and eager to help out.
However, recently he just non stop talks about her :( it's making me uncomfortable.. he is giving her frequent lifts as well..although no fault of her own.she does live quite far from.the office and recently failed her driving test so it appears she is desperate to drive and maybe DP is just doing it temporarily? I just don't know what to think? Is "working dad" an innocent name/gesture?
I can't make out if she likes him?! I know that sounds terrible but I feel like they've definitely become closer..he is planning for our 16 year old DD to work in the businesses cafe/office after her GCSEs alongside with this current "work daughter" so he has been encouraging their friendship and gone with dd to help her out once..I took this as a good sign that he purposely brought dd with him as it made it look quite innocent
I just don't know if I'm overreacting or is this him displaying a liking to her. Which in my eyes is pretty disgusting.
Also, she doesn't have a dad..her father died a few years ago which Dp Will mention to me if I try to say anything against the relationship.
.

I really don't like this, seemingly more recent, tend of calling colleagues things like 'work husband' work wife' 'work mum' etc. it just feels odd to me and somewhat unprofessional. They are your colleagues, some of who may be, or become, friends - some more so than others.

Re the OP's dh. The going out of his way, coming home later, etc - and then the massive age gap - just makes the whole thing off. Even if it isn't inappropriate I can imagine other colleagues picking up in the closeness and it becoming a little awkward as a result. As he is her senior, in both age and job role, he ought to keep a professional distance.

How old is he, not that it's matters really.

The trying to get his daughter to like her and have a friendship with her is to keep her close.

He is acting like a White Knight, giving lifts, sexual flirtation and constantly mentioning her, his ego is being stroked big time.

Totally inappropriate he has put you on the sidelines and is prioritising her..

For the posters saying he could be in trouble.. he can't.. he and his friend are the business owners.. Well he's a partner. His friend also knows of the relationship they have and doesn't say anything?
There's no HR..they are the HR
She's only there working as a favour to her mum apparently that DPs friend/business partner has known for years.

Also her mother is aware he gives her lifts but doesn't say anything

No, not that aspect, I hadn't read that update when I posted. I was referring to being over friendly to be helpful.

This has been going on for months.. tbh I myself didn't think anything of it..silently scolded myself for when those what if thoughts appeared hence the main reason for asking on here. I would feel mortified telling friends. It would be painting him as a bit of a sleaze and we have younger children too.
I just can't figure out how much is too much.

Does anyone have experience of their DPS being named work dad? Was it ever sleazy?

If he is contacting her outside of work, helping her out outside of work, going out of his way to help her get to and from work and talking about her a lot at home (including telling you that she doesn’t like the word ‘Willy’) then boundaries are blurred. Yes, it may be because he sees himself as a father figure to her but he can be friendly without doing any of the above. He is being a ‘white knight’ and this says more about him and his need to be needed.

I would tell him frankly how it might look to others and make it clear that he needs to be careful. If he is infatuated then he is unlikely to listen to you which will tell you what you need to know.

I’m sorry this is happening to you but trust your gut on this. If it feels OTT to you then it probably is.

Given your latest update I would feel very uncomfortable on behalf of not only this young woman but any other employees. You make it sound as though the whole business is operated on the basis that there is no safe guarding procedure for employees. That whatever the business owner is happy with goes. You are implying your DH has carte blanche to act as he wants because the owner is his friend.
Really unhealthy place to work.

He talks about sexual stuff with her

This changes everything. Red flags.

Yes @Anastasia2 I had an ex partner who became a ‘work dad’ to a young female colleague. He liked the fact that she needed him (she had health problems and liked to talk to him about them). She then went through a difficult break-up with her boyfriend and cried on my partner’s shoulder. He would take her out for lunch to make her feel better. He was very much a white knight and enjoyed the fact that she was in awe of him because he listened to her and ‘looked after’ her. It all ended in tears when she wanted to pursue a relationship with him. He found it difficult to withdraw from their friendship because by this time she was dependent on him but at the same time knew that he was sacrificing his relationship with me. He was also worried what others would say at work (they had started to notice). In the end he moved jobs to extricate himself from the situation.

I lost a lot of respect for him during all this firstly for allowing himself to be so flattered by the attention of an 18 year old and secondly for not realising the implications. It sent our own relationship into turmoil and created a whole lot of drama that was not necessary.

Trust your gut, tell him what you are seeing and how it makes you feel. Hopefully he will listen and rein it in.

The sexual stuff from what I can see is the fact that the young woman in the office doesn’t like the word Willy.
Im happy to be educated here so would you be able to explain why this is a red flag an inappropriate please.
If she said this in the office I could see how it would come up in a words you hate conversation. Such as moist, hubbie, veggie etc.

Having read your OP I'd have thought it was fine, with the 'he talks about her non stop' being a bit of a concern depending on the context he's using.
However after reading your updates: it's not on. Even if he's not trying to sleep with her, which hopefully he bloody well isn't, no decent man would be investing so much of his time and mental energy on an 18 year old girl/woman. Talking sex is a no-go. Only pervy men do that.

So this comment about not liking the word "willy" seems really childish in itself.
But there is no explanation about the context the comment was made.
It must have been part of a wider conversation presumably of a sexual nature - otherwise why would she have said it?
We have no idea who the conversation was between - just the young woman and the DH or was it generally office talk? Why did DH tell OP about this comment. Was he minimising the conversation to make it look trivial and childlike?
I don't know why pp are seeing this comment as laughable. Weird is more how it seems to me.
I mean does he talk to his own daughters about whether they like the term "Willy"?
The whole relationship between DH and a young vulnerable woman seems verging on the inappropriate. Who is looking out for her safety here?

Yeah it's weird and inappropriate.

This would annoy me but especially the lift giving, she's a grown adult and should be able to make her own way to work

There are external Tribunals that he could find himself in front of, if this carries on. Him being a partner isn’t going to help him if she goes down that road.

And if his partner knows that they’re friendly and isn’t cautioning him to draw some massive boundaries, then his judgement is obviously as skewed as your DH’s.

And re her mum being aware that he gives her lifts but doesn’t say anything, please tell me you’re not using this to help justify your DH’s behaviour? Perhaps she thinks the lifts are at the behest of the partner in order to help his friend’s DD out? Perhaps she trusts your DH’s partner to make sure that suitable boundaries are maintained. Perhaps she doesn’t realise that your DH has mentionitus and is talking about her child at home.

It’s funny that so few of these ‘work dads’ choose young men to take under their wing, isn’t it? Or the overweight, not so pretty girl? It’s so often only the pretty young girls who need their guidance and support in the workplace.

I didn’t actually notice anyone laughing at that comment.
You’re right though, we know nothing about the context of the conversation, why the dh told his wife - the intent and context of that conversation.

Whoops, quoted the wrong person.

It makes no difference if she fancies him and the likelihood is she probably doesn't.

It's what he thinks of her that matter does he see her as a kid or a women? Is he attracted to her?

I'd explain the sex chat, texting and lifts make you uncomfortable and ask him to dial it back

He’s her boss.
She’s 18

A middle aged boss (or a boss of any age, actually) having conversations about colloquialisms for penises with an 18 year old employee is not something that should be happening. It’s irrelevant whether it’s joking or her boyfriend is stood right next to her. It’s breaking down boundaries that are in place for a good reason.

No I'm not implying that at all!! In fact the opposite! I made the statement about her mum not minding as one of DPs claims to think he's doing nothing wrong.
I, as a mother would be very wary if an older man was giving my teem lifts
Now DP has made it clear she's 18 as if this somehow justifies it because she's an adult and not a kid???
So regarding the lifts thing, it was only once a week but now it's become nearly every day it seems. That's what has got my spider senses rising more recently..I feel like at the beginning it was purely innocent and be cause he has a tendency to help people, this was just classic him but now as I feel.its exacberated.

Hmm I have just read about the headteacher who has been accused of sexual assault of a ‘child’ which started with giving friendly lifts to teenage girls (no idea why he was doing that in itself tbh.) I think he should be careful tbh and keep the relationship to work business only.

He's 41

Last year you posted Messaged other woman and her husband now what? | Mumsnet about your husband - this showed him to be a sleazy, cheating, gaslighting prick.

In February you said you were separated.

If this is the same guy, then I think yes, he's leching after an 18 year old girl and I wouldn't stay with him a minute longer.

Yes its him..we got back together after some time apart. Now I'm beginning to regret it with his recent actions

Does he tell you he talks about sexual stuff, how do you know the other stuff. There is no way I'd tolerate this OP. Tell him in a lighthearted way (at first) that if he continues to encourage an inappropriate attachment to a young adult who he is in a position of authority to that he could be accused by her of abusing his position, putting her under pressure for sex. Do you believe he hasn't had sex with her? She probably has a crush on him but so what, I'd want her to fuck right off and instruct him to immediately drop 'work daughter' who I talk to about sex?? You deserve better. What an arse he is being.