To refuse to up my hours when my children are at school?

[stayasiam]

I am a teacher working 0.6 (3 days a week)

DH often works away, and even when he doesn’t leaves at 7 am and back after the children are in bed. He does do what he can but realistically isn’t around much. Obviously this means everything to do with the children and home falls to me. The one bit of respite I’ve had is that during school holidays they are in nursery for a couple of days so every 6/7 weeks or so I get a couple of days to myself. This keeps me fro losing my sanity

Obviously when they’re both at school this will change and I’ll have them in the holidays so AIBU to refuse to up my hours or even ask to to 3 days spread over 4 or 5? I really will value a couple of short days a week to get stuff done and just breathe a bit!

Is your dh asking you to up your hours?

How old are your DC? Personally, if finances weren't an issue, I would do the first year with your DC in school on 3 days a week and then perhaps work 4 days a week the following year if I felt it was manageable. Children obviously change and grow, so unless they have SEN then you might not feel so burnt out. Is your DH pressing you to work more hours?

I don’t think he’d pressure me to work more hours but he does assume that I’ll work five days a week but shorter days so I can do drop offs and pick ups which seems to me to be the absolute worst of all worlds - all the disadvantages to part time without the tangible benefit of a couple of days off!

YANBU he won't be there to help with looking after them when ill or going to school events/assemblies? Believe me you will need that flexibility of those 2 days. It might change when they are older but not while young.

Who is making you up your hours? School can’t but if it’s your DH then it will have to be a family decision, taking into account finances, etc.

I have taught mostly part time since I returned to work after kids, 0.6-0.8 over the years. I still teach part time despite them being secondary age. My day or two ‘off’ (really it’s just working from home!) means that I can leave school as soon as my kids are finished and that I don’t have to work weekends. My husband is happy with this as a balance for our family. However, that only works because we don’t need the money and would rather have less money for splurging on fancy holidays and a better work-life balance all year round.

How can you do that as a teacher? School days and meetings are set times?

Yeah, don’t do this unless finances are so tight that you have to. Absolutely the worst of all worlds!!

Stay as you are then. I don't think the working parent realises how easy the part time one makes their lives.

I wouldn't unless its really necessary. Why would he expect you to contribute more, when he isn't able to with his side of the bargain. You are the default Mum, cook, cleaner, ect. He can't manage that whilst working full time so why would he expect you to?

Well, the timetable would be arranged in such a way so that I wouldn’t teach the first or last period in a day.

So if I am part time (3 days) and I have two days ‘off’ that’s 10 lessons.

So if I don’t teach the first period of the day or the last period of the day that’s 10 hours = 2 days.

No, stick with 3 days for your sanity- I wish I’d been able to! I carried on teaching full time with two children, ended up burning out, having a breakdown and divorce (from another depressed teacher).
Better now though!
Look after yourself, no-one else will.

Poor you @nozbottheblue , how awful. I can see how it happens though.

I think she means e.g. work 0.6 with no lesson 1 and no lesson 5 every day (assuming 25 lessons a week) so she can do pickup and drop off. We had a few part timers do this at my school years ago but it’s not so common now partly, I suspect, because it’s a nightmare for timetabling.

Sorry - cross-posted with the OP!

God no, don’t do it! You can always do supply for extra cash if needed.

Just be careful that your contract states that you get those periods off. DH does timetabling and he tries but sometimes the sets just don’t work…his school never make guarantees about which periods PT teachers get off (or FT ones for that matter) because year to year A level and GCSE set numbers fluctuate.

You are right. A major benefit of working part time is that you get time alone to do whatever, even if its just catching up on chores. I worked 3 days for years. When my children were at part time nursery, I planned those free nursery times with military precision. When they went to school, I made sure that as far as possible, all personal appointments were on my free days, as were all their appointments, so I could take them without needing time off work etc.

My own experience is that if you want a decent quality of life, you can't work all the hours your children are in school/nursery plus look after them the whole time they're not. You need a break. If you can afford it, keep your break.

It would be a huge faff but they would try to accommodate it if I asked for it, I know. But it’s a huge PITA and (I know this probably sounds really whiny but …) it would mean NO time whatsoever to myself, like literally none. It would be out of the door to the school run, onto work, same in reverse end of the day, cook dinner, bath and bed, same again tomorrow, all school holidays ….

Absolutely. I’m lucky that my husband very much appreciates how much easier it is when I’m part time, many take it for granted because they just don’t think about any of that stuff at all! My husband did a year or so of being the part time worker finishing early to pick up the kids so he knows what it’s like.

Yanbu x 100 million!

If finances allow, I strongly recommend you have those two term time days to yourself to catch up with school work/housework and being a human.

YANBU. I work 30 hours (one short day WFH and Friday off) and I will continue to do so while my son is in primary school. My quality of life would be so much worse without that time to myself.

You can't do shorter days as a teacher not sure how that is an option? When are you going to do your planning - at weekends? So essentially you're working 7 days a week then. I don't think it'll be possible.

I used to be a part time teacher now work full time for the local authority. I have more spare time and more chilled working full time not as a teacher. I can do almost all school picks ups and drop offs. Whereas before I would have to use wraparound as wouldn't leave school until 5ish

that doesn’t sound like it’ll work given your DH current work. But do consider if he would like to reduce his own hours, and you work more?