To refuse to up my hours when my children are at school?

[stayasiam]

I am a teacher working 0.6 (3 days a week)

DH often works away, and even when he doesn’t leaves at 7 am and back after the children are in bed. He does do what he can but realistically isn’t around much. Obviously this means everything to do with the children and home falls to me. The one bit of respite I’ve had is that during school holidays they are in nursery for a couple of days so every 6/7 weeks or so I get a couple of days to myself. This keeps me fro losing my sanity

Obviously when they’re both at school this will change and I’ll have them in the holidays so AIBU to refuse to up my hours or even ask to to 3 days spread over 4 or 5? I really will value a couple of short days a week to get stuff done and just breathe a bit!

But OP the only excuse a man has for being so absent from his children's lives is if what he is doing brings in significant benefit in terms of job security or financially.
You are running rings round yourself trying to work out how to fit it all in (and worrying about what happens when they're at school which is years away) including being the one to take them to an activity every Saturday which their dad could easily do at least half the time. You don't want to upset this status quo so either you feel you can't or you don't want to. Hence my comment.

The kids are still small though, that should become less of an issue.

By no means do I think you should work more. I think your plan is a good one and will allow you to stay sane, especially if you are an older parent.

I think you need to seriously consider your husband and his engagement with family life.

@MistressIggi the children are very, very young. I am on maternity leave with the specific objective if you like being looking after one of them. DH works away, has a standard working day + 2/3 hours commute.

He is a good man. He will take them, he will do what he can to ease my load - but when you boil it down his job is what it is, just as mine is.

So I know this and I am OK with it but equally I want some reward in the future even if that reward is just six hours to myself once a week during term time!

YANBU, mine are teenagers and I still do 4 days a week as I need that day off in the week. DH is only home at weekends, so I do everything which is fine as he works twice as many hours, but in order to facilitate that I won't give up my day off in the week.
Sometimes I run errands and do housework, sometimes I stay in bed until midday and feel zero guilt!

Sorry if you think I was badgering you OP I just wish men had half the expectations placed on them that women place on themselves!
Though you do say that he expects you to work on more days for school pick ups in the future so I don't think he is getting quite how hard that would be for you. And the less childcare he does by himself the less he will understand quite how hard it is!

I think this is largely how I see it. I’m OK with doing everything but I do need a bit of time for me as well.

Normally I do have a little break every six weeks or so but this year I haven’t had it of course. So I’ve had a child with me pretty much continuously for nine months! And obviously that’s exaggerated in some ways: they sleep sort of, sometimes in the evenings and the baby naps. Come end of July I’ll have a bit of time for me again. I can finally sort out the spare room and read a few books and nap. And it’s lazy and indulgent sure but is that a bad thing? Not sure it is.

@MistressIggi sorry, I didn’t think you were badgering me at all I wasn’t totally sure how to take the money comment. I’m not a money grabber, I’m not married to DH because of how much he earns which is more than me but we won’t be on the Times rich list any time soon! I know you probably weren’t saying that but I just wanted to be clear, I’m fine with working FT but I do think (as does DH) it’s better for the children when I’m PT.

Hon, you wd be mad to up your hours.

DH is lucky you are doing all you do.

This is an important juncture. Do what works for you.

This is the choice we made too. I'm also a 0.6 teacher, and have been since DS was born. I used to really appreciate the school holidays when DS still went to nursery and I got those days to myself.
When he started school we decided to keep my hours as 0.6, so I get those couple of days to catch up with schoolwork(!), shopping, housework and just some time to myself. DS is now in year 2 and I can't see me being FT for a while yet.
Yes I do the donkey work of the chores, but it means we don't have to do so much at the weekends. It works for us.
Keep at 0.6 over three days if you can, it's great!

If you are actually able to do a 0.6 teaching job in 3 days then you are definitely doing something right.

I teach all exam classes and am essentially forced to mark the other two days, or else work all weekend.

I work 40 hours on average (plus commute) but at least 0.6 means it's not 60...

I'm experienced and a fast worker, too.

It’s a problem with teaching @Phineyj which I didn’t mention, but it is the case that while you’re in school for three days your workload doesn’t dramatically reduce. If I have a Y11 class and they’ve done mocks I have to mark thirty mocks.

With that being said I’m fairly speedy and I don’t have a long commute which helps.

I would absolutely keep the 3 days over 3. I was/am a sahm so did drop off and pick up every day but I did the housework/batch cooking/shopping etc whilst the children were in preschool/school and then I was available for the children when they were through the door. I wasn't juggling children and housework which I had done when they were younger and I know which is easier.

This then meant Dh was less burdened by anything other than children related stuff because there was no household chores to share. He loves cooking and so would always do lunches and dinner on a weekend.

I know you will still have one at home for those 2 days for a while but easier than 2 and one on one time with the second child which you had with the first.

I have been working part time but every day and it's hell. Long school runs so I'm out the house every day 8am until either 4pm-6:30pm regardless, but only 25 hours pay. My partner works away also. Anyway, I've just dropped my shortest day so I can have 1 day off a week and the relief is immense. Previously I left a job that involved a lot of weekend hours as it really restricted family time, but never being home in the week meant I would have to lose a weekend day to catch up on home things.

ita great to have a day now where I can schedule mine and children's appointments when we need them. That's been something I really struggle with, and I've already filled up the next few weeks day off with overdue dentist/blood test/follow up appointments/school meetings etc. I'll also have time to shop more sensibly, batch cook and sell things I'd usually donate which will make up my loss of hours. I really don't think parenting is compatible with two full time working parents, particularly if one works away/any health issues/any SEN in family/if someone doesn't drive/etc