To refuse to up my hours when my children are at school?

[stayasiam]

I am a teacher working 0.6 (3 days a week)

DH often works away, and even when he doesn’t leaves at 7 am and back after the children are in bed. He does do what he can but realistically isn’t around much. Obviously this means everything to do with the children and home falls to me. The one bit of respite I’ve had is that during school holidays they are in nursery for a couple of days so every 6/7 weeks or so I get a couple of days to myself. This keeps me fro losing my sanity

Obviously when they’re both at school this will change and I’ll have them in the holidays so AIBU to refuse to up my hours or even ask to to 3 days spread over 4 or 5? I really will value a couple of short days a week to get stuff done and just breathe a bit!

Full time teaching is not a family friendly career.
Even part time takes its toll.

He is deluded if he thinks teaching means you are available for drop offs and pick ups just because the classroom teaching portion of your job is between roughly 8:30 and 3:30....

And what about sick days?
And what about after school activities and play dates?
And what about evening activities?

If that's all going to fall on you, teaching full time will be very difficult if he's not going to do his share ('help' probably, acc to him) and you don't have outside help. Or your children will spend a lot of time in wrap around care and not get to do a lot of activities

@Mmmmdanone this is what I feel. I am pt with teen DC and if I worked ft, it would have a massive knock-on effect on everything. I do most evening club lifts, most housework, house afmin, shopping. If i was ft, this would all have to be done at the weekend. The weekends are quite full on so I allow myself a hit of down time too.

Stop thinking about this, I have just seen you'res still on mat leave! Seriously, life will be very different in 3-4 years time when both are at school. Wait and see what life if like then.

@stayasiam What happens at weekends? You say you often take the kids out so that he can get a break? Is that at the weekend or does he sometimes wfh too?

If he's there at weekends can't you share the time, so that one day of the weekend he looks after the kids and you look after them the other day? That way you both get a break?

Ask him to act now as he would should you be working more. Ask him to SHOW you how it would work as a family.

So, what is your DH anticipating you doing?

1. 0.6 but spread across 5 days so you can take/collect every day. I’m primary, so this would not be possible, is that something they could accommodate at your school? I would much rather do 0.6 and work 3 full days.
2. full time?

If you are managing all the school runs now, I’m not sure why you’d need to change things.

Less days and longer hours are always preferable to more days and shorter hours.

I do understand where he’s coming from because he’s having to work FT to basically put the kids in nursery and if you were to spread your hours out then you’d be saving a lot of money.

You do also get a lot more time off than DH though so I can see why he may feel a bit miffed but it also sounds like you do the majority of the parenting too.

I would tell him that you’d like to keep it as it is for now if possible and have this conversation again in 6 months time.

Perhaps in the future you could both do a 4 day week.

But he wants his wife to approach her school and request to do part time over 5 days. She will get no "breaks", no extra pay, and no career progression if she does this AND working in the evenings as she's a teacher. Working full time would be a better choice than this.
I don't understand anyone who stays at work till 7 when they have babies/toddlers at home - and then needs more time away from them at the weekend. What was the point?

That hasn’t been said, there’s not really been much of a discussion, just an assumption on both parts.

I imagine he’s doing a 9-6 type job with a crappy commute, very normal in the corporate world

Schools will take everything they can get.

The only way to set a hard boundary around what you are prepared to do is to do the 3 long days.

Otherwise you end up as a full timer "lite" still on part time pay.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

@Workhardcryharder OP said this (below), so it does look like the spread out part time is being brought up. I agree they need to talk more.
I don’t think he’d pressure me to work more hours but he does assume that I’ll work five days a week but shorter days so I can do drop offs and pick ups which seems to me to be the absolute worst of all worlds - all the disadvantages to part time without the tangible benefit of a couple of days off!

I'm also a teacher working the same number of days and DS is in reception. I'm in no hurry to return full time. I don't feel like I'd be able to be a good mother and teacher at the moment. If you can afford it I think staying part time is a sensible decision.

My youngest starts school in Sept and I won't be increasing hours, currently 3 days. I do so much at home and I know this would still fall to me if I increased hours.

Surely there's no need to financially though because when the children start school youl be savings thousands on the childcare youl be paying for two.

I think spreading your hours out like that, unless you want them, is a mistake. On a surface level, people may know you work reduced hours, but because you're there 5 days a week, you will be seen as full time. There's risk they'll subconsciously expect you be as productive as a full timer. I've also worked part time with days that were spread out during the week, rather than working consecutive days, and it doesn't allow you to switch off in the same way. I felt like I was psychologically at work like full timer, just without the extra pay.

I reduced my ft hours to 3 days full days pt. It was great. My friend did 4 shorter days and she was complaining that she never got anytime to herself. 3 days is perfect.

I'm a lone mum, work full time, and it can be done. I've been doing it since ds was two without issue. It just takes a fair bit of organising.

I suppose it depends whether your household finances can cope with you working those hours longer term. If they can, then enjoy it. If they can't then you dh needs to get home earlier at least two days a week.

There’s no need to go FT financially but it isn’t really about the money. I’d be keeping the same hours but spread over five days. I’d have to pay some wraparound fees but then I’d be paying for fuel for five days so balances out really.

What is it about then?

Him not wanting you to have any time to yourself?

OP, I'm about to do what you are describing: stay teaching 3 days or 3 over 4 even though both DCs will be at school. DP is hoping that it'll allow me to not work in the evenings, do some pick ups and drop offs and do some training that will be helpful for future employment. It will hopefully also give me time to work on my health, which I've somewhat neglected since having kids.

3 days over 5 sounds like the worst of all worlds. No extra money, no time to discuss things with colleagues etc, and no time for yourself. Definitely discuss it with him.

I have worked 0.6 over 5 days.

As others have said, you get the worst of both worlds.

You get part time pay. People see you are in every day and expect full time work.
As a teacher there is also a lot of marking and preparation on top of that.

I used to get up at 6, do the morning routine with the kids, get them to school, go straight to my school, teach the short day (often no free lessons and only a 20 min break) then leave to go and get the kids. Do extra curriculars, homework dinner bath and bed and then sit down to marking and planning as my DH arrived home.

I also had to mark and plan and the weekend because I couldn't fit it all in in the week. DH said he would step up with cleaning shopping etc but didn't so we got a cleaner.

You can't attend any CPD or meetings unless you arrange childcare and parents evenings are a nightmare.

I would explain that those two days at home are opportunity to spend time doing housework, life admin and work overspill. If you work 5 days you will still need to do those things and won't have time . Your dh would need to do more if you were to work full time.

This isn't about you getting a couple of days off. It's about work life balance for you both. If you have time in the week to do the house stuff it's less you and your dh have to do in a evening