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Original poster

To think there's never an excuse for not offering to take your shoes off in someone's home?

550 replies

CheerUpFFS · 26/04/2024 22:02

If you're a guest ( not working, I.e in a profession where you go into someone's house ) aibu to think there is never, ever an excuse to not at least offer to take your shoes off in someone's home? My mind is always blown when someone comes to mine and leaves them on,

Yabu - I keep my shoes on
Yanbu - I take them off

OP posts:
ClinkeyMonkey · 27/04/2024 12:51

'Never an excuse' is a bit extreme. Also, if you want me to remove my shoes, just ask me. Why is it my job to ask about the rules of your house? You seem to think your visitors should just know that they need to take their shoes off, based on a quick glance at your pristine house. What if your house wasn't forensically clean? Would that make a difference? Everyone just comes stomping into our house. Not sure what that says. They wipe their feet on the mat provided. Their feet generally stay on the floor. Animal bum holes on my sofa though, definitely not😆

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 12:55

Are you aware that it is considered non-U to expect people to remove their shoes when they come into your home?

I have a few non-U friends so I do observe this courtesy when I visit them, but certainly don't expect it in my house, unless you are coming straight form walking the dog or mucking out the horses.

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 13:01

MasterBeth · 27/04/2024 11:53

This is a mindset thing, a cultural thing.

I don't know the ins and outs of the northern European/Japanese attitude to shoes indoors, but I suspect here in the UK it's not actually about cleanliness, it's about social class. (Objectively, people who leave their shoes on indoors aren't stricken with disease from all the nasty "outside" that they "bring indoors". People have doormats and hoovers to deal with dust and dirt.)

In my mind, this is an aspirational working class/lower-middle class suburban mindset: bungalows, 70s estates with wall-to-wall carpets and cans of air freshener in the toilet. If you cycle back from your job lecturing at the university and wheel you bike through your 2-up, 2-down terrace to hang it on a rack in the kitchen, you're not worrying about shoes-in-house.

I imagine it in from people who are more likely to eat their lunch in a garden centre than that super-nice new Korean small plate place that the Observer was raving about.

I think it's indicative of people who think that "outside" is generally dangerous, alien and scary.

I bet it's a near-perfect parallel with voting for Brexit, where we know that income or geography weren't the most consistent drivers, but:

What united Leave voters in focus groups in the run-up to the referendum, he says, was support for a whole set of "traditional" values.

"They tended to value things like order, stability and safety against things like openness, modernity and other social-liberal values that were more popular among Remain voters. Often it's about harking back to the past - sometimes a feeling that they don't belong to the present."

I certainly think it's rude to keep your shoes on in a house where they don't want you to, and it's up to guests to spot these class- and mindset-markers that will tell you that this is that kind of place.

But it's perfectly reasonable to not offer to take your shoes off when you arrive at someone's house where that rule is clearly not in place. In the complex social dance of the English class system, you could be accusing your host of being petty/suburban/Hyacinth Bouquet.

Edited

This! Although simplifying it to "Brexit voters tend to be 'shoes-off'" is a bit extreme!

MissionaryMumtoOne · 27/04/2024 13:04

i think this has a lot to do with culture OP. Generally, (at least in my experience) in British culture it’s not the norm to remove shoes at someone else’s home (happy to be corrected, and I know there may be some who break traditions or have been raised differently) It’s not seen as rude to leave them on, but rather the opposite - rude to ask someone to take them off.

I was raised in UK but from a Caribbean culture/heritage and it bothered my parents so much that my friends left their shoes on in our house. Forgetting to take of our shoes and going into the lounge or upstairs was enough to get my mum yelling. We had a shoe cabinet in the front hallway. My parents still cannot get their heads around shoes being worn inside a home but are slightly more lax these days.

I now live in a country (Brazil) where outdoor shoes are not only expected to be taken off in the front hallway, but actually before you even step inside the house (outside the front door). Even if it’s pouring with rain inside, shoes don’t cross the threshold here! I’ve actually had pairs of shoes ruined a few times from being left outside someone’s home when it monsoon-style rained while we were inside.

Kalevala · 27/04/2024 13:07

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 12:55

Are you aware that it is considered non-U to expect people to remove their shoes when they come into your home?

I have a few non-U friends so I do observe this courtesy when I visit them, but certainly don't expect it in my house, unless you are coming straight form walking the dog or mucking out the horses.

The vast majority are non-U so why should we care what they do?

Moonlane · 27/04/2024 13:10

Eyesopenwideawake · 26/04/2024 22:03

You are being ridiculous.

Why ? Why is it ridiculous to want your floors to be kept clean from ppls dirty outside shoes? Please tell me why that's ridiculous 🙄

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/04/2024 13:11

MasterBeth · 27/04/2024 11:53

This is a mindset thing, a cultural thing.

I don't know the ins and outs of the northern European/Japanese attitude to shoes indoors, but I suspect here in the UK it's not actually about cleanliness, it's about social class. (Objectively, people who leave their shoes on indoors aren't stricken with disease from all the nasty "outside" that they "bring indoors". People have doormats and hoovers to deal with dust and dirt.)

In my mind, this is an aspirational working class/lower-middle class suburban mindset: bungalows, 70s estates with wall-to-wall carpets and cans of air freshener in the toilet. If you cycle back from your job lecturing at the university and wheel you bike through your 2-up, 2-down terrace to hang it on a rack in the kitchen, you're not worrying about shoes-in-house.

I imagine it in from people who are more likely to eat their lunch in a garden centre than that super-nice new Korean small plate place that the Observer was raving about.

I think it's indicative of people who think that "outside" is generally dangerous, alien and scary.

I bet it's a near-perfect parallel with voting for Brexit, where we know that income or geography weren't the most consistent drivers, but:

What united Leave voters in focus groups in the run-up to the referendum, he says, was support for a whole set of "traditional" values.

"They tended to value things like order, stability and safety against things like openness, modernity and other social-liberal values that were more popular among Remain voters. Often it's about harking back to the past - sometimes a feeling that they don't belong to the present."

I certainly think it's rude to keep your shoes on in a house where they don't want you to, and it's up to guests to spot these class- and mindset-markers that will tell you that this is that kind of place.

But it's perfectly reasonable to not offer to take your shoes off when you arrive at someone's house where that rule is clearly not in place. In the complex social dance of the English class system, you could be accusing your host of being petty/suburban/Hyacinth Bouquet.

Edited

Yep, all of this. Everyone basically has a gut reaction one way or the other to this debate, based on their upbringing, culture, social class etc and then retrospectively tries to justify their point of view with a bunch of inconsistent and barely logical 'facts'. Actually that's what most of us do with all our opinions about everything tbh.

Moonlane · 27/04/2024 13:13

It is more then reasonable to expect ppl to take their shoes off. Unless it's a trades person which I know is not practical nor sometimes in their health and safety rules to take shoes off but guests should. Especially if you have carpet!! And before you all come at me, yes i always take my shoes off at friends and family. I don't ask. I just take them off and surprise surprise it's always appreciated.

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 13:13

Kalevala · 27/04/2024 13:07

The vast majority are non-U so why should we care what they do?

Show quote history

The OP said "there's never an excuse". So clearly she cares.

LordPercyPercy · 27/04/2024 13:13

Are you aware that it is considered non-U to expect people to remove their shoes when they come into your home?

So? Most of the UK is non-U and only a tiny and dwindling percentage give a fuck.

Samlewis96 · 27/04/2024 13:15

HirplesWithHaggis · 26/04/2024 22:05

Do you offer alternative footwear (shoe covers, slippers)? Would you prefer sweaty, fungus-y bare feet?

How many people just have bare feet under shoes though? I always have socks on .

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 13:15

The shoes off thing is also quite recent. It certainly wasn't the norm a generation ago.

And as a PP said, it is a cultural thing. In Austria and Germany people provide slippers for guests and it would be considered very rude not to remove your shoes at the door.

Justbrowsing2024 · 27/04/2024 13:18

I'm shocked how many people wouldn't offer to remove shoes in family or friends homes. I always do. I expect it in my home or I will ask. I have lots of slippers guests can use that are washed/sanitised plus regular visitors all have slippers that stay here permanently.
Have a crawling baby I don't want the outside grime on my floors. Vile.
I do think it's a cultural thing though.
Obviously someone in to work wouldnt have to take shoes off but I have shoe covers i offer if needed.

IamaRevenant · 27/04/2024 13:20

Ha, I once got a very cheap room to rent in a house in central London because I took my shoes off. Apparently they'd had over ten people come to view it that day (it was a very very good deal) and nobody else had or had even offered so it went to me.

I personally don't care in my own flat now but I clocked that there were shoes lined up by the door in their place so I went along with what I assumed were their preferences! I would always ask anyway.

CarolinaInTheMorning · 27/04/2024 13:20

How many people just have bare feet under shoes though?

People who live in a warm climate, like me. Thankfully, shoes off is not really a thing where I live in the Southern US. I've never been in a house where visitors were asked to remove shoes.

ehb102 · 27/04/2024 13:22

Shoes are clothes. Don't come to my house and take off your clothes. Bring indoor shoes if you must.

My home has public and private space. If you are close enough to get into my bedroom, sure, take your shoes off.

Kalevala · 27/04/2024 13:24

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 13:13

The OP said "there's never an excuse". So clearly she cares.

Show quote history

Why should we excuse the tiny proportion of rich people? They surely have enough privilege to be able to notice social cues like a shoe rack or the host wearing socks to be able to ask?

IamaRevenant · 27/04/2024 13:24

NetZeroZealot · 27/04/2024 13:15

The shoes off thing is also quite recent. It certainly wasn't the norm a generation ago.

And as a PP said, it is a cultural thing. In Austria and Germany people provide slippers for guests and it would be considered very rude not to remove your shoes at the door.

Same in Poland. I have relatively big feet for a woman (size 7) and spent some very uncomfortable days around my ex's families' houses trying to squeeze them into the size 5 slippers they had got for me 😆

Samlewis96 · 27/04/2024 13:24

CarolinaInTheMorning · 27/04/2024 13:20

How many people just have bare feet under shoes though?

People who live in a warm climate, like me. Thankfully, shoes off is not really a thing where I live in the Southern US. I've never been in a house where visitors were asked to remove shoes.

But not likely in the UK lol. It's been cold and wet for months

Kalevala · 27/04/2024 13:25

ehb102 · 27/04/2024 13:22

Shoes are clothes. Don't come to my house and take off your clothes. Bring indoor shoes if you must.

My home has public and private space. If you are close enough to get into my bedroom, sure, take your shoes off.

A coat, hat, scarf, gloves, wellies, all also clothes.

StormingNorman · 27/04/2024 13:26

Not a shoes off household here so it wouldn’t occur to me in somebody else’s house. I’m happy to take them off when asked although I do find it a bit odd. I wouldn’t say that IRL to my host though.

Crowsruletheworld · 27/04/2024 13:28

My DF takes his boots off, but he doesn’t wear socks and sometimes I would rather he kept them on.
I also quickly look at hosts feet and ask shoes off or on.

BusterGonad · 27/04/2024 13:28

Here's a few articles backing up the grossness of it. I think for me after spending a lot of time in SEA, and growing up in a shoes off house I just can't change my mind on it. I find it slovenly and disrespectfull, like my house doesn't matter.

www.euroscience.org/the-gross-science-explaining-why-you-should-take-your-shoes-off-while-indoors

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/may/03/wearing-shoes-indoors-bad-science

Borborygmus · 27/04/2024 13:29

I've never offered to remove my shoes in somebody else's house, nor have I ever been asked. Tradesmen seem to do it when they come to my house, but TBH I find it not only pointless but a bit yucky.

justasking111 · 27/04/2024 13:34

BIossomtoes · 27/04/2024 11:49

Never let him anywhere near a sandpit or soft play then.

Show quote history

Soft play is truly gross