To think there's never an excuse for not offering to take your shoes off in someone's home?

[CheerUpFFS]

If you're a guest ( not working, I.e in a profession where you go into someone's house ) aibu to think there is never, ever an excuse to not at least offer to take your shoes off in someone's home? My mind is always blown when someone comes to mine and leaves them on,

Yabu - I keep my shoes on
Yanbu - I take them off

You were deliberately being obtuse, I accept the onus would be on me to decline their offer if they were physically unable but tbh I still think everyone should offer. It would be unreasonable of me to make someone clearly unable take their shoes off but the majority can and should.

Now that's an unappealing thought - wearing slippers of whatever sort that had been worn by multiple people.

There's your problem. You expect people who can't do it to offer. That's being a poor host imo, putting visitors in an uncomfortable position.

No my problem is rude people not offering hence the post lol, it's awful manners you're literally treading on someone's property.

Why would I offer when I know it's something I can't do?

Twenty-one pages in and you still insist it's the norm everywhere with this "it's awful manners" nonsense, despite many people working to entirely different norms. It's absolutist thinking, as others have pointed out. Where I live it's awful manners to go discarding your shoes in someone else's house as if it was your own.

Agreed. Kicking your shoes off automatically is too over familiar for me. Unless they're clearly dirty and beyond a wipe on the mat, I wouldn't appreciate someone acting like they live here.

Yes, and my tiny unit has no hall, so you come straight into the lounge - I don't want other people's shoes cluttering up my lounge, and I'm certainly not keeping a supply of slippers there. A three metre square room hasn't the space!

😂where do you live?

You really think a disabled person who can’t take their own shoes off without help should offer to do so?

Wow!

I was not being obtuse. I was simply explaining a situation that made my disabled relative feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome in some people’s homes.

I guess clean floors are more important to you than other people’s needs and dignity. If you are happy with that then that’s fine.

Australia, but you'll notice plenty of people who live in Britain and Ireland are disagreeing with you.

We are, yes. It's definitely nowhere near unchallengeable etiquette that you have to castrate yourself for daring to be shod in the presence of a carpet.

You sound like Marie Antoinette. You really haven’t thought about people with mobility problems have you?

Wasn't my experience, common to discard shoes on the verandah where I lived.

I think OP is firmly into the ‘doubling down’ phase now, despite many people giving various reasons why there is often an excuse for not taking your shoes off and how it isn’t an incontrovertible standard of etiquette in all areas of the world 🤷‍♀️

But one could say that it's unfair of you to expect elderly or disabled people to offer, and then have the humiliation of struggling in vain to remove their shoes in front of everyone, because you yourself 'hate asking'. That saves you awkwardness, at the cost of putting your guests to much greater awkwardness.

The 'no shoes' rule is not universal, so it's not fair to expect everyone to know without telling them that it's your rule.

If you feel so strongly about people taking their shoes off, then I think it would be fair of you to inform people before they come (I am not referring to uninvited guests). Then at least they can choose their footwear accordingly- shoes that are easy to remove; non-slip socks. You should also have a chair where they can sit to remove their shoes.

I think you were, it's the classic Mumsnet response of going through criteria to disagree... can't say it costs too much as its free to take your shoes off... can't say only certain religions or cultures fundamentally allow it... ah I know try to make the Op seem ableist. I genuinely wouldn't ask someone who was disabled to take their shoes off but I'm sure you appreciate disabilities are very broad and varied, my cousin is disabled but doesn't wear shoes in her house - I doubt she would appreciate the one size fits all with disabilities brigade on here speaking on her behalf. I'm sure a very small minority of people can't take their shoes off which of course I'd accommodate as would any human being on the planet I expect ( and if I'm inviting them to mine I'd likely know this about them ) but a majority of people can as they got them on in the first place so yes I do think they should offer.

The people disagreeing should probably realise that this thread is about people like them and the ones who do agree are sick of people disrespecting their homes so overtly. I do also think some people keep them on deliberately if your house looks too put together as a bit of jealousy, others are just ignorant.

Do you really think I'd swing my front door open and watch my 95 year old granny struggle to get her shoes off with my arms folded until she managed it not letting her a milimetre over the threshold? Tbh it's not really someone like her I'm worried about as she wouldn't have been walking round god knows where in her shoes, it's more the people who get up, walk their dog, wander to school with the kids, quickly drive to get petrol and walk over the forecourt with all the fuel drips, wander round the shops and come out in the car park where the roads have been gritted because of cold weather, popped by to have a coffee with me and walk up the path collecting a few leaves on the way then in they come. No thank you!

I'm originally from India and in India it would be considered incredibly rude not to take your shoes off before you enter someone's home so I always do. In fact, in many clinics and some shops you are asked to take your shoes off as well.

I don't like shoes inside our house either but I feel too awkward to ask people to take their shoes off. Thankfully most people do anyway. I don't know if it's becoming more common, if people are aware that it's the norm in India or if they take my lead because I open the door bare footed or in socks but I'm grateful when they offer.

The only people who don't take their shoes off or offer to take them off are trades people or our elderly neighbours but they are so lovely that I can't hold it against them.

Yes agreed, I’m 44 and have never once been asked to take my shoes off in someone’s house, it wouldn’t even cross my mind to offer! I’d do it if asked though.

I don’t want dog wee and mud all over my carpets thanks. If you are happy to lick the bottom of your shoes, you can walk around my house in them because that way I know they’re clean

Not surprising in a country as big as this, with such varied environments. That actually reinforces the point OP seems determined to ignore that there's no one universal norm when it comes to etiquette.

I always take my shoes off in peoples houses but there are LOTS of reasonable reasons why people dont/cant/wont.

No I accept there is differences thst exist out there but I don't agree with them, I think it's rude and grim..