Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

Interesting though that it is a story about a man being stalked that gets made. Where is the comparative tv drama about the reality of women being stalked?

As women are much more likely to be victims of stalking and likely to lose their lives if they are stalked, shouldn't their stories be made?

Of course men can be victims of stalking and abuse and their experiences are valid yet while it is so much less likely, it is a man's story causing all this fuss.

Even in terms of stories of sexual assault where women are by and large much more likely to be victims I can think of two male writers who have had their stories made into prominent tv drama series (Richard Gadd and Shane Meadows) but only one woman (Michaela Cole) and it's not because they aren't trying to tell their stories. I know of two successful female TV writers who have experienced significant abuse and written about it but been unable to get their series made because it's too hard a sell. Somehow when it's a man it's more palatable, more entertaining and much more likely to be made by Netflix!

Sorry this was in reply to a specific comment but I've somehow made it just a reply! Argh sorry! New to this and not sure how to post!

It's also because the stalker in this case is a mentally distured poor female who isn't attractive to the majority of men.

Harder for a woman to tell her story if the stalker is a man in a position of power with a good job, money and looks.

It seems odd as well that calling out toxic female behavior is somehow an MRA only trait????

All toxic behavior should be called out.

'As women are much more likely to be victims of stalking and likely to lose their lives if they are stalked, shouldn't their stories be made?'

You'd think so wouldn't you. Maybe not as entertaining though as women tend to be scared and have their lives destroyed by stalking. I doubt any would want to star as themselves in a show recounting their version of events of a highly distressing situation.

Yes, it was bad enough sharing on this thread lol

I actually would worry that if women being stalked were shown more frequently a lot of men would get off on it. I think showing them how little is done to protect women, highlighting that femicide figures are rising and giving them a "how to" might not be in anyone's interests with the law being so useless in this area and on rape. It's a chicken and egg of would the shows improve the law or would they just encourage the behaviour on a bigger scale because of the inherent weakness in the system?

Very good points.

Is it because stalking of women is so common, or because it’s such a downer? Abuse of women rarely ends with the conclusion: and then she made successful TV show out of it. Gadd doesn’t seem to have had the fear of “Martha” that women have of their stalkers, so it’s more crazed harassment and comedy moments less terror for his life - does that make it more palatable and “entertaining”?

There is “You” but it’s very Hollywood.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/apr/28/baby-reindeer-gay-bi-men-grooming-rape-netflix

I totally agree. And in fact I was reflecting on similar while I wrote my previous reply. Slasher stalker creepy themes are often written from the male gaze to titillate - screaming, terrified, women, close up shots of mutilated dead young women - urgent search for serial killer targeting girls schitck etc.

There is definitely a contingent that gets off on violence against women depicted on screen.

Not invisible to me. I’ve worked with survivors of sexual violence and I know how common it is in gay community. Straight men ain’t interested though.

I think that's the other issue with the show I have. It's as if he is the first person to recognise victims don't all immediately report and therefore because it happened to him, a man, now we should all believe it.

Women have been calling out all of these behaviours to little acclaim for centuries.

I don’t see it like that at all. I think he is actually expressing that he was not a true victim in this situation. It’s not because he didn’t report it but because he admits he got ‘something’ from Martha. She filled a void for him. I think he is quite self critical and it’s a fair assessment.

It actually aligned with my own experience of being stalked (not that I think it's a cut and dry experience for everyone who is stalked). I got obsessed with observing my stalker from a safe distance, i.e. online - for me it was like a comfort to know exactly where she was, and also like readying for battle in a weird way - in case we came face to face again, I would know her most recent tweet, I would know her likes on tumblr, I would know what she looked like after her most recent haircut etc. It sounds very bizarre, I know, and like I was stalking her in reverse. I stopped when a close friend borrowed my laptop and said, "why the fuck are all your recent tabs to do with [stalker]?" That snapped me out of it and I blocked all her social media sites for good. It was an unhealthy obsession for me - kind of like someone who is very anxious spends a lot of time googling bad news/doomscrolling.

Hope you are okay now!!!!

And it doesn't detract from your experience or story in any way!

What’s a ‘true victim’?

Why would anybody being stalked would want a void to be filled by their stalker.

He’s likely mentally unwell too.

Just helping this thread fill up so we can move on. @Lalor I didn't see what that dude wrote but I gather it was awful. Sorry you're having to put up with it.

Thank you... It was disgusting but if nothing else it's for the best when someone is given enough metaphorical rope, they hang themselves which was very much done

I'll be interested to see how the whole mess regarding the show pans out and if any lawsuits come to pass

I'll be interested to see how the whole mess regarding the show pans out and if any lawsuits come to pass

Yes, this is absolutely not the last we'll hear of this.

I don't think anyone is worried about him looking her up on line. I assume you didn't turn up at her house and watch her through the window, wank over her photo or create a comedy about your experience to make it public?

Edited: I am obviously sorry you went through it and glad you blocked her and moved on.

To tie it all back to the question: Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker???

I don't think he is. But in the current social media environment it was hard to avoid people being identified.

'I don't think he is. But in the current social media environment it was hard to avoid people being identified'

🙄

I think quoting her exact posts just may have given it away.

Didn't take much supersleuthing He's either thick or cruel, or both.

Especially when you keep the public posts, get an actress who looks very similar and has the same background and change no obvious features and show her very distinctive way of writing and identifying MH issues.

The rapist however, not provoked at all. Scott free with zero shits given about any other victims past, present or future.

Do you want to have a go at explaining why that is? From a male perspective perhaps?