Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

@KrisTheGardener Yes, on her Facebook page.

She admits knowing him, but says she didn't stalk him, talks about him very negatively.

But all in the very rambling, aggressive, incoherent tone of the messages from her which were shown on the series.

From what I have seen of her real, online persona, I do believe she stalked him.

But I also get the impression Richard Gadd did enjoy the drama and provoked her.

It's a horrible situation and I do believe Netflix should not have let this happen.

They have not disguised her at all.

i totally agree with challenging the perfect victims narrative.

What I don’t agree with is using the show almost as a wink nudge communication with the stalker, encouraging people to find her and for her to react to the series. Almost like he wants more attention from her/ doesn’t want it to end.

From the screenshots of her Facebook page, they haven’t disguised her at all. No idea how RG can claim she’s unrecognisable!

@HauntedBungalow @Lilacdew I see where you are coming from, but it can't be.

The digital footprint is all there from 10+ years ago; they couldn't have set that up.

The tweets etc from her to Richard Gadd are all there, and exactly as shown on her series.

It's real, and it's messy, and Netflix shouldn't have allowed the woman to be so easily identifiable.

I don't think he came across as a likeable person even before he was abused.

He treated his girlfriend and her mum really badly. After the abuse he put them in danger and didn't seem to care about their safety when he lamely went to the police.

It made me angry that he suggested the police laughed at him because he's a man with a stalker, but the fact is that men who are raped or stalked are far more likely to be believed than women. Men are statistically far more likely to see their attacker convicted than women are. And this hugely popular show might make the general public think that women lead their stalkers on the way he did with Martha.

An interesting show but it hasn't done women any favours at all.

This is why I lean towards the whole thing being some sort of hoax.

It's completely irresponsible if I'm expected to take it at face value.

Maybe she can take him to court for negatively affecting her mental health - it is almost like he is stalking her back by reliving it all on a global stage. She needs protection and legal representation IMO. The co-dependency he has on her for fame is quite remarkable. He even showed how rubbish his comedy shows were without her as an almost double act. She should be seeing some of the profits from the show. The women was always going to be the target of the viewers, it's rarely the men who are hunted down after exposes - particularly when they have money for protection and no mental health issues.

Most likely it will all be in the spotlight for a short time then fade as something new comes to the fore. How these things tend to work.

The only veiled "positive" I felt he was trying to highlight in the show was men being more accepting of men having trans relationships; how he would have reported Martha if he hadn't been feeling all eyes on him (his own issue tbh) judging him, particularly when she physically abused his partner in the pub. He failed to convince me it really was the public looking at him askance though, as he has such a weak sense of self and morals it feels far more as though it is his own ego that stopped him being honest with everyone. I don't think it does the trans community many favours either, if that was the aim.

Am I the only person who can't find her on social media? I know her name but I can't find any accounts which tie in with her tweeting him etc.

I don't actually want to find her. I feel quite sorry for her having her life turned upside down for some guy to profit on her poor mental health.

I'm intrigued by your suggestion that the whole thing is some sort of elaborate hoax. That would be very 'Cotton Mouth'. The final scene with the abuser tells him they are bringing Cotton Mouth back and would he like to write for them, and he says yes.

You could be right. It hadn't occurred to me.

She’s clearly a very nasty piece of work and I don’t see why her identity should be protected after what she has done to all her victims, so I’m not sure I care that she’s been outed. He has also portrayed himself as very honestly unlikeable too so I don’t think he’s trying to get one up on her. Hes telling a very real story, knowing that if her stalking ramps up again she has a prior restraining order and it will be taken very seriously.

Would you feel sorry for a male stalker with repeated offences being outed?

There is no middle name on the FB profile of the person who has been outed?

If you read the post Gadd has NOT said SF isn't Darrien.

He said please stop speculating about people (general) inc SF.

He didn't say it wasn't him. He only asked to stop speculation. He never specifically said 'SF is not the person' which I'm sure you would do if an innocent man was being falsley accused of rape.

And out of all the people speculated about he NAMES SF specifically.

Very clever.

It’s in either the profile description or the URL

But that's the thing
Sometimes the victims of such things are unlikeable. Often they are also deeply flawed human beings (often people are targeted for those vulnerabilities

Victims go to the police multiple times.

Its a story I've seen played out multiple times regardless of the gender. Women usually take a few times to report.

Women also do things that in the wrong light get classed as encouraging eg initiating contact, breaking restraining orders to check others are OK or to try and get through to someone

I wouldn't call it leading on or lame. It's a real portrayal that life is rarely clear cut

I feel the same as most of the other posters here, but I try to remind myself he wrote the screenplay, which must mean he has some level of insight into his own behaviour surely. Otherwise he wouldn't have written it the way he did; ie a piece of drama that poses the question of who is really stalking who. And that must have been intentional on the part of the writer. Plus, he is still living off her, depending on her, feeding off her - a parasite basically - through using her for this TV vehicle which has now brought him the money and fame he could never get on his own.

As an aside and on a different subject, I think BR shows a fundamental difference between male and female victim rape, that the protagonist felt OK about contacting his rapist and asking for a job / financial support with his career - which I presume he got. I note this male did actually have his identity concealed, unlike "Martha" who has served her purpose to the writer.

The problem is that if you start saying it's not someone, eventually someone might hit on the right name and if you are silent on that one, it's going to stick out. Sometimes it's better to just say you're not going to comment on specific individuals. Horrible to be falsely accused though.

Hmm. He does say ‘people I have worked with, love and admire (including SF) are getting caught up in speculation. Please don’t speculate’.

Youre right, he doesn’t outright say it’s not him, although that’s what I and others implicitly took it to mean. All very odd.

And it's clear from the show that he has worked with, admired, and even loved the abuser to an extent.

I think it was a very clever veiled confirmation

Also SF has stepped down from projects in a professional capacity since

But she was taken to Court and the show doesn't suggest she continued after that. This thread is about the show actively re-provoking her, which women would never do because they are likely to be killed by stalkers. It does matter he is a man being stalked by a woman when you look at the statistics and reality. His sense of danger is not the same because the level of danger is not the same.

@Wonderwater2 you seem to be implying that gender (by which I assume you mean sex) isn't very important. It really is.

Men (however they identify) are responsible for around 99% of sex crimes and over 80% of violent crime.

There's a massive power imbalance there. If a woman has a male stalker she's far more vulnerable than a man who has a female stalker. And yet the police and the CPS are far more likely to listen to a man.

Can someone please DM me and tell me who SF is..?