Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

I related to it, I'm a woman

Stalking is something that predominantly happens to women, we are on a woman's forum and women on the thread have shared their experiences in relation to it. If law is to reflect the serious threat women face from stalking, having a man using it for comedy is not particularly helpful. Pointing out that his male perspective of stalking differs from the female shouldn't be problematic when he has opened it up to the public to comment on and digest.

Trying to say stalking has nothing to do with women because a man has made a comedy show about it is very naive.

Id say his experience is quite unique to him though. What is interesting is that the woman is stalker which seems hard for some to understand.

I'm not saying stalking has nothing to do with women! Talk about twisting someone's words. I'm saying the show doesn't reflect women's experiences because it's not supposed to. It's a man telling his story and that's fine. I've seen and read plenty about women's experiences of stalking too and it's good these experiences are shared.

I also suspect the number of recorded males who get stalked is lower because of poor reporting, and stereo types about how men should act.

'If law is to reflect the serious threat women face from stalking, having a man using it for comedy is not particularly helpful'

Exactly. Do a serious doc or drama or don't bother.

The last scene with him listening to her on all his saved voicemails, just wtaf. Not sure who was more obsessed with whom. I'm bound to be told that's the point, well if it was it was a shit point.

Actually the fact women can be a stalker is the least hard thing to understand. His unique behaviour towards being stalked and the public obsession with her over his rapist and abuser is the hard to understand part.

If ever there was a show to minimise the effect of male rape and transpose it with a woman with MH issues, this is it.

Yes.

The concept of “female privilege” based on attention to the unacceptably high injury and death rate is particularly nauseating. Men are the real oppressed class because more women die in domestic abuse, apparently.

This with bells on. His excitement about the whole drama kind of minimises the horror of stalking.

I think some people are struggling to be as objective when the stalker is a women. They feel the need to try and refocus the conversation on male aggression and female victimhood. Those conversations absolutely need to happen, but the show was one of the rare times where a man was a victim, and yet some people wanted to derail the thread.

Though looking at the poll it was remarkably close, so I guess a good number did not think he was in the wrong which is good to see.

Wow. I thought you were just on a wind up but I genuinely can't believe you just said that. That's a new low but at least it shows exactly who you are

This is a disgusting post. Who are you to question a poster's distressing experience. Read the room fgs.

No-one on the thread actually cares what you think. But men disbelieving and dismissing a female victim of stalking is standard, thanks for illustrating the point you’ve repeatedly denied.

Thank you. I'm rarely shocked but that did it

@lalor

@Lalor ❤❤

Thank you both. It genuinely made me feel sick reading it but at least if anyone was being taken in by them then now they will be under no illusions

Can we just IGNORE the MRA.

@Lalor I'm so sorry.

Thank you

I didn't report it as it just showed who they are but thank you whoever did

Unsurprisingly a man who says he wants to talk about hearing the male experience in a female space has to gaslight a female poster and suggest her experience isn't valid and never happened to make a point.

Sorry @Lalor . I had an experience of stalking by a married man retired from a respectable career. Mine only lasted a few months and once I had footage of him repeatedly outside my house the police agreed to get involved which effectively embarrassed the wife enough to move away - I have no doubt he would have carried on. I also suspect he will be doing the same wherever they have moved to (they had only been in the area 6 months when he started) and would be very interested to know at what point a record of behaviour is made for police to recognise it is a serial offence. I personally think there should be a version of Claire's Law for stalking, where if you are worried about someone you can call and see if they have been reported before.

Anyway back to the series. Didn't anyone else find the last scene odd? If it was all so distressing why did he have all her voicemails saved, why was he playing them repeatedly. Why did he have all the media clippings plastered on his walls?!
Surely, anyone who had been the target of stalking would want to wipe and delete everything once prosecution completed.

Why did it excite him so much?!

Because she "loved" him to the point she was willing to be destructive, both to him and herself. She was voluntarily being vulnerable with him and he didn't even need to respond; a voyuer - something he already showed he enjoys by watching her through her window. It's a power tussle. If she didn't have MH issues she would be scared of him; he followed her and stalked her at her home first after flirting with her. Most women would recognise this as dangerous. I think the fact she almost latches on at that point gives him a thrill because it is so unusual. Just my take on it.