Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

If we take the show at face value (which I appreciate there will have been some changes), she is also a violent woman and a physical threat. Not that it really matters - as I said previously, he’s not really at any risk from her now because of her previous conviction making it a lot easier she reoffends. Plus very few people on this thread are concerned for his safety, but are talking about the impact on her. I doubt anyone would care about the impact on a male stalker in the same way at all.

I think that's a conclusion I wouldn't want to draw. If I was accused of something so horrible and had received threats because of it, I think I'd step back and lie low until people had moved on a bit too. I think we need to be careful about leaping to conclusions that one action means something else.

Traumatised people respond in their own way, I’m sure it’s extremely cathartic to him so ho are we to judge how he’s dealt with it.

Mist victims would love a platform such as this to highlight their experience and the injustice they’ve suffered.

I'm not trying to defend her actions. I am pointing out he is profiteering from her.
All stalkers have mental health issues. The difference here is she is less of a threat than a man would be and so he feels emboldened to use her as fodder for his career.

@RespiceFinemKarma the mental health card is not ok I’m afraid and doesn’t negate the trauma caused.

Why can't RG write an account of what happened to him in his life? I'm seeing a lot of comments here about how he shouldn't have done it. But it happened to him! Is he not allowed to be honest?

I don't like the idea that people can only use their life story if they fictionalise it.

It’s his story. He can tell it if he wants to 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Hiddendoor i agree, i totally commend how he’s dealt with matters and in a funny and extremely balanced way.

If he was a women who had been stalked I wonder how different the reaction would be.

I strongly disagree that most victims would like a platform to highlight their experience. I had a stalker for over a year. When one of my amazing colleagues got photographic evidence of him harassing me, he tried to kill us both (plus another female colleague for good measure).

I didn't press changes because he had two small children, but I made it clear that if he harassed anyone else then I would press charges.

The last thing I would do is write a Netflix series about it.

@WellThatEndedBadly do you think she would be castigated? Genuine question, not sarky.
If it was a female comedian and it was portrayed in the same way, i too wonder what the response would be.

I was about to say ‘some’, so yes @heathspeedwell

I didn't press changes because he had two small children, but I made it clear that if he harassed anyone else then I would press charges

I’m sorry…he tried to kill three people (your words) and you didn’t press charges because children??

The point of this thread is that a female victim would never poke their stalker in this way. A lot of posters want to ignore why.

I read that he won awards for his comedy show, but I couldn't see anything remotely funny in it.

It's ok that you feel that way and wouldn't handle it that way.

But it's also ok that he does handle it that way.

Of course he wants fame - he tells you that in the show.

I can't understand why he goes back and see the abuser at the end. But then people handle things differently.

I do imagine he thinks - how do you like people harassing you if she is indeed being harassed. I wouldn't be surprised if she also has a documentary on Netflix by the end of the year or at least a newspaper exclusive interview!

I don’t know. I didn’t know Martha’s been found but im going to throw this on its head and say what if a woman did do this. Played themselves and identified their stalker. Would we say they are asking for it to poke the hornets nest. That the stalker or any other criminal is exempted because they are mentally unwell.

At the end of the day this is something which happened to him. It’s his story to tell however he likes. He doesn’t owe Martha anything. Anonymity included.

Yeah. I mean if you don’t want people to call you out publicly as a stalker you could always, I dunno, not stalk people?

@PrincessFionaCharming of course we reported him! But that's different to pressing charges and taking him to court and having it loom over us for years. He and his wife and small children were recent immigrants. If he'd gone to prison it was his wife and children who would have suffered most. The police made it very clear to him that would have his car impounded (he repeatedly mounted the kerb and tried to run us down) and that he would face charges if he did anything like that again.

In my view all abusers should be exposed though and victims should not be scared to tell there story. Been able to safely articulate what happened can actually start the healing and grieving process. I absolutely appreciate the shame and constant self blame that can be a result of being abused and how impossible it is to live with it. Thats why support is so crucial but sadly not also accessible. But hey we have Mumsnet 😊

@heathspeedwell sounds like the police wanted and open and shut case. Shocking. Sorry you went through this.

@Betterbuckleupbarbara thank you. My husband feels that we should have pressed charges, but I was very keen to just have it all over and put it behind me.

I honestly don't know. I think it would be different though and I suspect if it was a male stalker there wouldn't be any sympathy towards them even if they clearly had MH issues.

It's such a difficult thing to navigate when there are people who have serious MH issues and, if you are the type of person to be a 'crazy, weirdo stalker' you are almost certainly going to have MH issues.

It's all just very sad really.

I am not sure what I thought of the show. I watched the whole thing but found it troubling in a way. I think the writer was honest and didn't try to cover his own flaws. It was interesting although probably a few episodes too long as is normal for a Netflix series.

I have just seen it yet but the discussions around the programme are fascinating

What do you mean press charges? Are you outside the UK?