Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

@Rustycheeks
For what it worth, I thought Donny was kind of a twat. Not that being a twat means you deserve such awful actions but the guy seems to lap up the attention, whether it's good or bad. I guess he doesn't really care if real Martha pops up again, he'd appreciate the attention.

Wow, what a comment. He does come across a twat but a self aware one but I don't think he deserves the comment about liking the attention. This is a guy who has been raped.
No one would dream of saying something like that about a woman who had been stalked or raped.

Rapists and stalkers often choose people who are vulnerable and complex.

I'm guessing his actual shoes are nothing like that, because I agree, particularly the bit where he presses the tape recorder to say "Donnie Dunn" while he shakes about like being electrocuted.

I'm guessing he's used artistic license to change that, for some reason.

Who cares? She shouldn't have stalked him then.

It goes way too far back to be a fake account

The point isn’t about her. The point is about him writing and starring in a ‘my stalking hell’ show, complete with depiction of the police doing f all to help…while leaving all identifying details in (over and above what’s usual in even general characters based on reality) and leaving himself wide open to be contacted again by this stalker. While at the same time insisting untruthfully that he changed all identifying details.

Could someone please give me a clue who SF is?

I can't get DMs on my mobile

I don’t really think you should be saying what he should and shouldn’t do. It’s his story to tell should he wish to, and he did wish to.

I think I've found it.

Never heard of the guy, but yeah, looks just like the actor playing Darien.

Exactly this. He deliberately encouraged a stalker as part of his explicit desire for attention, clearly a deep rooted MH issue he suffers with. He doesn't really go into what he is doing to address this, which is where all of his "problems" seem to have sprung from and is being fed further by this show. It doesn't feel as if he has actually properly looked at why he was desperate for attention, either from being a comedian, the man who abused him, by continuing a co-dependant relationship with a known stalker, having dangerous casual sex, changing his sexuality or writing the show.

What worries me is that people went to great lengths to identify a mentally ill women but not a predatory rapist.

And?

Do you think he shouldn't be allowed to? It's optional to watch it? I thought it was interesting. I liked how he showed he was so flawed.

I think Richard Gadd has a kind of masochism and/or death wish (psychological or physical) born of a deep self-loathing.

This series feels like an extension of the repetitive risk-taking behaviour that he's shown engaging in over and over again in the series. It's like suicide by cop or something like that - he wants to be destroyed but he needs someone else to do it for him.

Edited to add - this is not intended to victim-blame - what happened to him is objectively awful and terrible.

Me too. I found the episode which was mostly in Darien's flat to be very disturbing.

Do they? Rape victims can be anyone, from the confident to the vulnerable and it doesn’t help people to come forward if they don’t live up to the victim stereotype.

Presumably, some attention is desired as he has made his experience into a ‘fictional’ drama.

He can’t confirm or deny she’s Martha. That will have been a standard part of the agreement they had. She only went to prison in the series - in real life, they made an agreement.

Unfortunately the woman in the spotlight has all but confirmed it with her reactions, and is clearly unwell.

I don’t think he’s provoked her but I do think Netflix should have done better at safeguarding everyone here.

Yes, like that writer in the Spectator who gets off on humiliation.
A very male luxury.

I was thinking about this. Is the revelation about his father hist story? That's a huge thing to reveal to the world in a single line in a short scene, and not his story.

It is a peculiar thing to want to be famous for, why would you want to be a famous victim. I would assume he isn’t doing it for the fame.

Great discussion in this thread.
Two major things for me are:

• Him changing/not changing identifying details - now I find this interesting, because Netflix know better than than to allow this, and because its based on a real case they will have had people research it.

However - how she looks, how she spoke, that is all part of the story. It all feeds into itself. So I'd be interested on how they could have changed details enough while still capturing her particular way of communicating and her physical appearance, both of which inform and feed into the wider points he is making.

• It's hugely Black Mirror-y that people are watching this and then reaching out to her and her previous victim, that should be the headline here, not whether it's Gadds fault -harassment is a crime, how is the focus not 'wtf is wrong with someone who watches this then looks people up and reaches out to them' just because people do it doesn't make it normal behaviour, that's deeply disturbing behaviour! That's the focus, surely!

What I don’t agree with is using the show almost as a wink nudge communication with the stalker, encouraging people to find her and for her to react to the series. Almost like he wants more attention from her/ doesn’t want it to end

I don’t see it as that, moreso he figured out the ‘ultimate’ way to take back control. It’s as valid a move as any really.

@PenelopeTitsdrop1990 can you pm me too!

I must admit that it's only in the last day or two that I realised it was a true story. I assumed it was fiction when I watched it. I know it's not the point of this thread but surely Richard Gadd's comedy can't be as dire as Donny's?

I'm seeing this in a whole new light now I realise it was about real people. I'm not sure what the purpose was or what it's meant to achieve.

I'm wondering if he didn't expect it to go so viral. Its been such a hit which has led to people tracking her down. Which is wrong of course!

I missed that, what did he say

I get that interpretation, but then he should just be honest about it instead of saying he took care to preserve her anonymity and ask people not to look her up because she’s vulnerable