To tell him I know she's there

[tailgate]

I've been seeing a guy non exclusively for a couple of years. It's not exclusive because I moved away shortly after we met. We really liked each other but didn't want long distance, but I go back a couple of times a year to see my family for a couple of months at a time and we enjoy time together then.

I've never been particularly bothered who else he sees. I date around too. But we recently had a falling out over one woman he was seeing (I'd prefer not to disclose why).

He had a big family wedding this week and was walking his niece down the aisle so it's huge for him. We'd both been messaging about how much we wished I could've been there with him.

I was pretty shocked to check Instagram yesterday and find he'd taken this particular woman as a date to the wedding! It's the other side of the U.K. too, so they've had to travel there together.

I was then even more shocked to find that a couple of hours after I saw it, he'd blocked me from his Instagram stories. I knew this instantly because he posts all the time and I knew photos from the wedding would be there, but there was nothing, We've also got heaps of mutual friends who could see his pictures and confirmed there were loads of stories uploaded of the wedding and if he and her.

Part of me thinks he's been almost considerate in blocking me from seeing them, as he knows it'd hurt my feelings. The other part of me thinks it's just gross fuckboy behaviour.

He's just sent me a lovely message to say the wedding went well and he really wished I'd been there, and asking how my week's been, etc. obviously hasn't mentioned her travelling to the wedding with him.

I'm a bit torn on how to answer, I'm not angry that he's taken another date. We aren't exclusive and he has every right. It's a bit annoying that it's the one women that we've argued about, but again, he's within his rights and I can't fault him for that.

However, am really unsure how to answer his message. It seems ridiculous to pretend I haven't seen the story. He knows I have. It's even more ridiculous to pretend I haven't noticed he'd blocked me from his stories.

I can't even work out what the right tone is here and what to say.

Some friends think ignore it and message him back as cheerful as always and not mention it. Others say be transparent and bring it up, but not angry. One friend thinks I should lose my shit!

I still don't understand why you can't communicate like a normal human being with him. For example:

Hi, dear (fuckboy), I noticed you blocked me on your (stupid IG) stories... Why was that?

I am still baffled that any adult would leave their driving licence somewhere else, know about it being out of their possession yet focus on social media photos?

Driving licences are a valid form of ID. OP, get it back and keep it with you, don't leave it anywhere!

What's with the 'fuck boy' and daft iterations? Is OP a 'fuck woman' then? Ugh.

FWB is the accepted form, isn't it?

Might've fallen out of her pocket or something.

I think some have implied OP is that, such as post below. Like OP is not good enough to be taken to a wedding.

A person who fulfils the father of bride role does not take a casual sex partner to a wedding, I think.

Leaving your photo id behind seems very marking your territory imo.
Just pay for a new one report it lost. Done.

Agreed. I don't think the poster who used it earlier really understands what it means, as it certainly doesn't describe the FWB relationship between the OP and this guy.

It might, OhBumBags but OP knows he has it and it hasn't occurred to her to ask him to send it straight away... that's so odd to me.

I think some of the accusations that he's a creep or disrespectful etc are way off the mark. He is absolutely free to date whoever he wants and he hasn't done anything wrong. He just doesn't want to have to justify his choice of date to someone who has no right to be part of the decision.

It sounds like you have developed feelings or a level of investment in the "relationship" that go beyond what he is feeling, and beyond the agreement that your situationship is based on. It's an occupational hazard with no-strings sex and a recipe for disaster.

I don't think this relationship is making you happy any more, and it sounds like he has moved on to something more serious with someone else, given that he's invited her to a family wedding. Time to draw a line under it and move on.

She knows why. He knows she knows why. So that would be a bit silly.

OK, I would reply to message along lines of:

Hi XXX

Glad the wedding went well. Yes, it would have been nice to be there but.... you know... term time. I did see that you had a date via Insta - I realised quite quickly that I'd been blocked, which I am assuming was to keep this from me - and honestly, there was no need. I like to think our relationship, though casual, can be honest. And if we are to keep seeing each other, I do need to feel that there is honesty and respect. I don't mind that you took a date, I did feel awkward about you not mentioning it and blocking me from your account....

Anyway - I need to come and collect XXX - when's good?

OP

Why message him at all? It seems like you're completely wasting your time with this man and you're effectively the bit on the side. Walk away head held high. Block his IG account, move on.

I wasn't implying that at all @exomoon. It's not a case of not being good enough, but instead being more official, established.

OP You don’t really need to contact him re your drivers licence - you can just report it lost, can’t you, and get a replacement issued? Probably quicker than faffing around with him.

That sounds ridiculously false considering the OP fell out with him 2 days before the wedding, over this woman.

And he can post her licence.

I'd do as described in this post but say you need it for something (ID, hire car,) and could he post it registered if it is something that small, collection if it's not.

Then I'd go with a slow fade - reply to messages with short and positive responses, be unavailable, take a bit longer to reply etc.

Don't think he's worth it and you could do better.

Am I missing something here? I thought a FWB situation is because both parties don't have to over think or receive shit for complicated stuff like who you take to a wedding or if you put a pic of yourself with the opposite sex on SM? This would only be an issue if you were in a relationship with someone I thought?

I got into a FWB situation with a lovely guy when we were both going through a divorce, we had 5 DC between us and had no stomach at all for creating a blended family so fell into a loose FWB agreement. Looks like we were both doing it wrong - we both gave each other complete free pass when it came to meeting others as that was the agreed arrangement. We never discussed anything past 'Do what you want, use contraception and just let me know if you get serious with someone and this has to end'. When I fell in love with my now DH I got a very nice 'All the best, we had some great nights that I will smile when I think about, happy for you' message from FWB. And that was that!

I'd just go with curiosity. "Hey, how come you blocked me from your stories? What was that all about?"

Then you can decide what to do based on his answer. I imagine that it's either his date thinks they're exclusive and he's cheating on her with you. Or that he knows you dislike her, you've argued about her in the past, so he just wanted to avoid any drama. But who knows? Just ask him and see what he says.

If the fwb thing is working for you otherwise, I don't see this as a massive big deal.

Why does she need "honesty" from him? He has no obligation to discuss his dating life. That's not what FWB is. Expecting him to tell her things he obviously doesn't want to, or demanding a justification for not disclosing his choice of date, is totally unreasonable and that's a level of accountability and emotional investment that he hasn't signed up for.

OP, ignore all of those suggestions, just get your damn licence back! If you say anything other than "Please could you send my licence back", you might piss him off to the degree that he doesn't.

You're not entitled to an explanation, just leave it. Get your licence back!

Well if I was having ANY relationship with anyone - FWB, casual, whatever - I'd still want honestly

That doesn't mean he has to tell her who he is seeing just be honest about the fact that he is.

The blocking on socials and "oh I wish you'd been here' is being covert and taking her for a a bit of a fool. That's the bit that isn't honest or respectful.

You've got yourself all wound up over nothing. It wouldn't be 'insane' to pretend like you don't know he took one of his others to the wedding.
Why tie yourself up in knots over the 'pretending'? Pretending to who? You know you've seen he went with his date. He knows you know you've seen he went with his date. You know you're not exclusive. He knows you're not exclusive. There is nothing to pretend about, or address.

' Aww glad you had a lovely time at the wedding. Keep meaning to ask: could you send me my license please? Ta' seems about right.

Oh, yes, far less silly to pretend nothing has happened.

Tweens behave more sensibly than this.

How is he lying? OP never said that he agreed not to see that woman just that they had a falling out over her, and frankly you don't get to call him a lying creep when you agreed to be in a non committed relationship where you both see other people.