To tell him I know she's there

[tailgate]

I've been seeing a guy non exclusively for a couple of years. It's not exclusive because I moved away shortly after we met. We really liked each other but didn't want long distance, but I go back a couple of times a year to see my family for a couple of months at a time and we enjoy time together then.

I've never been particularly bothered who else he sees. I date around too. But we recently had a falling out over one woman he was seeing (I'd prefer not to disclose why).

He had a big family wedding this week and was walking his niece down the aisle so it's huge for him. We'd both been messaging about how much we wished I could've been there with him.

I was pretty shocked to check Instagram yesterday and find he'd taken this particular woman as a date to the wedding! It's the other side of the U.K. too, so they've had to travel there together.

I was then even more shocked to find that a couple of hours after I saw it, he'd blocked me from his Instagram stories. I knew this instantly because he posts all the time and I knew photos from the wedding would be there, but there was nothing, We've also got heaps of mutual friends who could see his pictures and confirmed there were loads of stories uploaded of the wedding and if he and her.

Part of me thinks he's been almost considerate in blocking me from seeing them, as he knows it'd hurt my feelings. The other part of me thinks it's just gross fuckboy behaviour.

He's just sent me a lovely message to say the wedding went well and he really wished I'd been there, and asking how my week's been, etc. obviously hasn't mentioned her travelling to the wedding with him.

I'm a bit torn on how to answer, I'm not angry that he's taken another date. We aren't exclusive and he has every right. It's a bit annoying that it's the one women that we've argued about, but again, he's within his rights and I can't fault him for that.

However, am really unsure how to answer his message. It seems ridiculous to pretend I haven't seen the story. He knows I have. It's even more ridiculous to pretend I haven't noticed he'd blocked me from his stories.

I can't even work out what the right tone is here and what to say.

Some friends think ignore it and message him back as cheerful as always and not mention it. Others say be transparent and bring it up, but not angry. One friend thinks I should lose my shit!

Say you need it urgently and would appreciate it if he could post it to you.

A person who fulfils the father of bride role does not take a casual sex partner to a wedding, I think. I wonder if she's the fella's ex but they're still in touch?

I didn't suggest ghosting him. Someone suggested a long message about how she has developed feelings for him and how it was 'breezy'. I said it wasn't breezy, I suggested a breezy message would be 'I've enjoyed our FWB but think it's time to call it a day. I'll collect my things tomorrow. Take care.'

Your posts are not clear, so the 'just for clarity' is pretty funny.

Of course he had already invited her,

op, is the poster right, he told you he was going with her and you kicked off, and so he’s placated you saying I wish it was you and now you found out he took her anyway? Is that why one daft friend is saying loose your shit? Because you told him you didn’t wish him to take her and he did?

if that’s the case wind your neck right in. You don’t get to dictate this,and I think you need to end this, as it is clear you’re in way deeper than he is and are getting hurt.

it would also make sense as to why he blocked you looking at their images if you’d stepped over the line and tried to dictate who he could go with it also explains all the wish you were here placatory shit.

It's who you are making things up. You don't know OP has feelings for him and yet want her to tell him she has realised she's developed feelings for him since the wedding.

This is why open relationships, fwb whatever, rarely work in the long term. The second you care what the other person does in your absence means it doesn’t work.

If you're not exclusive you can both do what you want. Neither of you need to explain anything

Just get your driving license back off him, bin him off and reclaim some of your self respect back.

As it's FWB I agree with others, you and he really don't owe each other anything and I think, personally, it's getting messy when he's blocking you on Insta after you've seen him at a wedding with his, what, girlfriend?

In my experience, FWB/fuck boy relationships never go well anyway, as one person always wants more than the other.

I'm also a bit that you seem to have so much time to be messaging here if you're a teacher, unless of course, it's an Inset day, or you're doing it between lessons...

Taking her to a family wedding where he walked the bride up the aisle is a massive deal – it sounds like they're in an actual relationship now. I wouldn't even waste a conversation, just reply saying 'glad you had a nice time' and ask for him to return your licence by recorded delivery. Then draw a line under it and move on.

Exactly what I said! And OP is saying the main reason why it didn't work out is because they both moved away, really liked each other, but not enough to really make it work, as in a relationship way.

That will never work long term, as one or the other will always 'have feels' for the other, come what may.

Yep, this too. I mean god knows what the actual woman in question knows/doesn't know about this man's 'relationship' with OP. No wonder he's blocked her!

Too messy for me to get involved with from OP's point of view. Back away slowly...

I would reply, "Hi hope you and X had a good time at the wedding. If you could post my driving licence recorded delivery, that would be grand. All best..."

And leave it at that for now.

I expect he'll be relieved. I'm sure he cares about OP - that's why he's trying, in this cackhanded way, not to hurt her - but this situation is never going to work for either of them and it's only going to be more pain for her.

@exomoon then why does she give shit who he goes with, she could be a platonic childhood friend and he is obligated to take her.

To be fair as I clearly stated in my fuq boi comment I haven’t rtft, pps mentioned ‘feelings, so assumed they hadn’t made that part up’.

Jesus, ask him to mail your licence to you or say you've lost yours, order a replacement and cut him loose.

You've really muddied the waters of this "relationship". You clearly have feelings which has basically killed the friends with benefits dynamic. It only works when you're both on the same page.

You aren't exclusive. You don't owe each other any sort of loyalty or explanation for what you do in your spare time.

Find someone to shag closer to home and stop letting this one take up headspace.

Order a new driving license.

Get on with your life minus this bloke.

Probably easier if you just read the thread then.

He's not a Fuckboi as such, they both have a FWB relationship.

@FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear oh hello. Why? Its not overly complicated this one, but feel free to wade in 😀

Why? They are both shagging around!

I agree. He's tried to not rub it in by blocking OP from seeing videos of him loved up with the other woman, but just the act of taking her as his date suggests he's already picked her.

I’d be breezy! Let him know you know, but in a non confrontational way. Something along the lines of… ‘The wedding did look fab, saw a few pics on social and was sad I couldn’t be there with you. Glad you weren’t alone though and hope you had a nice time. I’ll come xx date to collect things if that’s cool?”

Of course I'll feel free to wade in, why wouldn't I?

Your comments make it clear you haven't read the thread, but if that's your thing it's your choice obviously.

@FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear

Why would you, mid exchange.

Yes, beside my recent comments my very VERY first posts clearly states that, methinks you may have not rtft either 😉

Calm down Shakespeare, I read the fact you haven't RTFT because you've said it twice now.

Just crack on if you think you can still add anything of value.

‘Bob, can you post my driving licence down to me or drop it off to my mum’s/Marys/great aunt Agatha’s?’

Then, when you get your driving licence:

’Bob, we’ve had a blast, but it’s time to move on.’

Let’s face facts. He doesn’t want an exclusive relationship with you. If he did you’d know about it by now. You’re wasting time with him when you could be out dating worthy men.