DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

No way. Completely implausible op.

Old house with flickering lights and he didn't bother getting an electrian in to check the wiring?
Sounds like a foolish person regardless of why he left.

Why didn't he just say suspected gas leak, that's more plausible. It's so gross he's paid for sex before, I imagine that's what he did.

Hope he then got the lights checked. Its very strange.

I think you have these choices. Others might have additional plans.

Do nothing knowing damn well he's back at it the minute your back is turned.

Do and say nothing for now (and make light/don't even mention the hotel thing) but give it a few weeks and arrange another night away and also a private detective to follow him as if you have literally never mentioned the hotel thing, he won't be able to resist the chance again and you will have proof that way.

Try and get the truth out of him but he will hold all the cards and unless he wants to come clean - he won't and he will be more careful next time. The disadvantage is that he will know you are onto him.

At a stretch you could give it a month or so, say you appear to have an STD and yet you have been faithful so what was the hotel stay really about and see if that will get him to fess up.

There is no way on this earth he is is innocent of this, given his past. He went out at half past six, met her (or him) at seven and all was done by the time he spoke to you.

I would go with the second option as that way I would know for sure.

Unless he is paying an electrician to look at the wiring, I would assume he is at it - sorry OP.

The hotel staff won’t know! The woman probably arrived afterwards and joined him in the room, or vice versa

Even if they did arrive together I doubt the staff remember. Even if it were the same staff on duty when he arrived.

And even if they did remember, they aren’t going to act surprised as they would just assume a woman had met him at the room.

This

I think he was worried he was seen at the hotel

why didn’t he stay with a friend if he was scared?

He thinks you're stupid

Can you look at his phone on the quiet?

This reminds me of the poker game excuse - oh, the poker game ran late so I decided to stay over. I didn’t think you would mind!

It is so blatantly a cover story.

He's paid for sex before? I just read that. Well that's obvious then he's doing it again. Yuck.

Yes, exactly. Why wouldn't he talk sbout it?

Most likely explanation. 😀

The first thing that sprang to mind when I read this was that he saw an escort and booked the hotel for that purpose. They don't tend to hang about after the deed is done so naturally he'd be on his own and able to chat on the phone afterwards - which he could use to his advantage to make it seem like he's been alone all evening.

It’s clearly a load of nonsense so I’d not question him anymore. He’s obviously going to pull the “ give me sympathy for my anxiety issues “ card.

I assume he forgot about the ring doorbell and only remembered about 8pm and that’s when he thought to call you . He couldn’t just go home then ( even if he wanted to ) because he left with a suitcase.

@Rainbowismyfavouritecolour don’t waste your time questioning him about that incident . Do two things

1. Act innocent but start playing detective, he will slip up
2. Plan for whatever you will do if you find out he is cheating eg see a divorce solicitor for advice , move money, take cash out of joint accounts , look for paperwork on assets

Bullshit. If he left the house with a case at 6, he’d taken the time to book a hotel and pack whilst scared in his own home about flickering lights in broad daylight?!!! Twat. And now shuts you down? How demeaning-obviously doesn’t think much of you.

wondered if it was maybe a paid for service. He has admitted in the past to using call girls before we met.

well there you go. This is what he did. A man who uses call girls, book hotel rooms for these services is the man who will do exactly this. He's even telling you about it and actually thinks you are dumb enough to believe his stupid story.

He said I should just trust him and not he asking for details. So I feel a little nervous about bringing it up a second time.
So he's already gas lit you, made you feel like you're not allowed to ask. How dare you ask him? You should be a good little wife and just blindly trust him turn a blind eye, let him do what he wants.
Good luck with the digging, he sounds like he's up to old tricks.

Not sure it’s worth investigating the booking details, OP. A call girl wouldn’t be on the room booking (unless he’s really thick). She’d just turn up.

I honestly think all this effort/checking up/ trying to snoop to find booking details etc etc is an unhelpful distraction/ drama from your real issue. Namely, that I think it’s fairly obvious that you honestly believe he has been unfaithful (whether as a one off or is having a full blown affair)- and I can see why you would think that, his behaviour was odd and he is being very secretive.

You may or may not be able to prove it, but you clearly don’t trust him anyway, so why does it matter? Surely once you get to this point in a relationship, realistically you have to recognise it’s most likely over?

you can snoop and investigate all you want- but why keep going? Either you’ll prove to yourself he did cheat on you (presumably your relationship would then be over/in jeopardy), or you won’t be able to prove anything but still be convinced he did cheat on you, in which case your relationship is in tatters anyway. Surely best just to call it a day because you don’t trust him?

Oh, I like your username 😂

He has admitted in the past to using call girls before we met.

The word you’re looking for is prostitute.

I would have put that in your OP.

What’s more likely? Grown arse adult gets scared by a light flicker at 6pm in spring, or man with history of paying for sex decides to pay for sex in hotel whilst you’re away?

You need to approach it like this;

'Look your story doesn't add up, you are either lying or you are an absolute fucking wuss!. Which is it?, because neither trait is attractive '

It would be interesting to know what time he made that booking.