DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

I would second this. My ex was a prolific and expert liar. There was always a thread of truth to his lies. Just enough to make you think he was telling the truth.

@Rainbowismyfavouritecolour

Of course he is lying. It seems like there aren’t much leads to go on except as others have said: go to hotel and find nice staff to check cameras. OR….you can look him dead in the eyes with the coldest look you can muster up and say ‘I don’t believe your story. I am giving you one last chance to fess up…if I find out you cheated on me and did not tell me immediately then I promise you will regret it. And I WILL find out…in fact, I am already half way there…so tell me the truth now whilst I am in a forgiving mood.’ And give him a wicked smile…I mean even if you aren’t going to forgive him, he won’t know that…but chances are this direct confrontation will really spook him…

He'll just get defensive and rant about how upset he is she doesn't trust him. This will achieve nothing.

Oh @Rainbowismyfavouritecolour , he's been excitedly planning this hook up since his Dear Wife decided to take the children away. He's a sex worker user, that's his thrill. That's what he was doing. His defensiveness at you questioning him is even more proof.

I couldn't be with someone who used sex workers.

Oh yuck. He tried to plan that well, didn't he?? Unfortunately it's clearly a total crock of shit.

Xh used to have to pop out regularly because of sudden cravings for Pepsi max / toffee crisps / anything we didn't have in the house. Funnily enough his mobile was then immediately engaged and remained so until he was back.

Once you see this shit there's no unseeing it so I would get lawyered up and see where you stand.

Really sorry. It's shit.

I can’t imagine being with someone who’d paid for sex in the past. I think that tells you all you need to know about him (ie that this is a dodgy story).

Oh this would be fanatastic if you can

but I call bullshit, unless he has a track record of being a scaredy cat in broad daylight

i could just about get the story if for example it was late at night. 6pm? Nah!

Well if you haven't quite got the nerve to fabricate the whole rather wonderful tale about seeing shady figures in the grounds and calling the police, then at least start poking around the fuse box and wiring, and discussing calling in an electrician. If your house is old, the wiring might be old and bad wiring is sadly the cause of many fires. Better to be safe than sorry etc etc....

My guess is if he is lying to you, he will get quite annoyed about this; if he is not lying (????) then he will be pleased you are taking his worries seriously.

Not too bright is he?

”the router has gone down! How frustrating! I’ll get on to them in the morning if it’s not back up…”

No ring footage…

But he’s already done that? So either he would just do that again or the threat that she is not going to leave it alone will spook him to admit…although this kind of tactic needs the right tone and body language but also perhaps a man with the right personality? E.g is he quick to break under pressure? How stubborn is he? More submissive/less Alpha male?….I mean if he rants saying she does not trust him, it would not be a lie? She doesn’t trust him hence this post. Tbh she cannot be scared to avoid him being defensive or being bothered if she wants to continue on this investigative mission as confrontation is bound to happen…she can just accept his story and be done with it.

She would not have to work so hard to confirm if she had access to phones and account etc. I find it mind boggling when married people (mostly men?) do this…Access usually allows the other to easily confirm and reassure their fears…trusting your partner but still feeling insecure is not mutually exclusive - every now and then we will have the devil whispering in our ears, those dreams that seems so real etc etc.

Anyway, good luck to OP. Hope she updates.

If he was so scared of being home alone because of flickering lights, why couldn't he have gone to a relatives?

His story stinks. He's up to some kind of devious behaviour.

To think, he thinks, you're THAT stupid to believe such BS. That's humiliating enough tbh.

Let us know what you manage to find out.

Why did you marry him knowing that?

^^ This.
Also, on the extremely small off chance there was something going on, I would be pretty angry that he just jumped ship. Barring trauma/neuro diversity, what adult, let alone a parent, lets themselves wimp out like that?!

When lying, stick to the truth as close as possible so you can't get caught out (according to my cheating exdh). So he told you exactly what he did, just not who with, oh and the 'something's off in the house' is bullshit but I guess he couldn't come up with a reasonable excuse

If he's used call girls in the past, I'd bet that's what he was doing! Yuk 🤮 I honestly can't imagine my DH getting scared in the house alone because the lights were flickering!

If you want to really see him squirm, I can get my cousin to have an email exchange with you, she's a psychic medium. You could tell him you've felt strange things in the house since he mentioned the lights so you contacted someone to come and investigate. She also reads auras and could include that in the email. Additionally, I have been self studying demonology and mythology for years so could really freak him out and email you too regarding something possibly demonic 🤣🤣 See his reaction if you pretend you've taken his "fear" really seriously esp as it scared him out of the house in daylight hours 👹👻💀

So, he’s a grown ass man who got the shits at home in the evening daylight, was too scared to stay there alone, picked up the phone intending to call Ghostbusters but accidentally called a Call Girl instead. Honestly OP, never mind the fact that he’s lying through his arse, his complete failure to concoct even a half decent lie suggests not only is he a cheat, he’s an unimaginative fuckwit

Get checked for STIs and insist he does too (in case ghostie somehow penetrated him while haunting through the house). Also PLEASE hold a seance and spell out the words CHEATER!!! 😁

Why would he have the lights on anyway at 6 pm? He's so funny with his made-up stories...

I’m sorry OP, agree with the consensus here that he is a lying prick.

However it can be a lot to leave, one option is to play dumb, it will embolden the bastard, I would be playing the frightened women part as to lights flickering, far too freaked out to have sex with him, whatever bullshit you need to feed him, he is clearly a dumb fucker.
Then wait, he will not be able to help himself, he will take more risks, get the proof and shove it down his gas lighting throat.

Has the hotel got great sports tv channels, and maybe you don't? Did he decide that you went on holiday, so he kinda did a night at the hotel doing man talk, and getting wasted .

WHAT 😂

I could understand if the electricity tripped the fuses (and he got an electrician out). Or that the broadband went down and he was trying to work in the evening. Or the cooker broke and he needed to go out for a meal..

His excuses are crap.