Am I wrong to do something I want even though he says I shouldn’t?

[DelilahDelia]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we don’t live together but see each other as often as we can, which can be hectic as we live 45mins apart, have 4 dc between us and both work full time.
He’s into the gym and bodybuilding and we spend a fair bit of time at the gym together.
I don’t like going to my local gym so I thought I’d quite like to try CrossFit, so signed up for a month to give it a go and see if it was for me. I plan to go when we aren’t together.
it’s caused a massive argument, he doesn’t think I should do it. His points were -
He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him,
I don’t do the things I already should be doing
I don’t have time
I’ll make new friends
I’ll be even more tired when I see him.

I’ve explained that it’s not going to interfere with our time together, but I really don’t want to give it up without trying it and feel he shouldn’t be telling me what I can and can’t do in this way, it was fine for me to go to the gym and do weights. He goes to the gym 5 times a week.
I’m doing it in my spare time and paying for it out of my own money, am I being unreasonable by going and doing it?

The OP isn't going to jump on the first available man the minute she is out of her controlling DP's sight.

It doesn't matter whether or not the DP is an insecure controlling douchebag or not (but he is), the fact of the matter is that the OP is entitled to do what she wants, when she wants.

I really didn’t expect to get a unanimous vote to leave him.
I have thought about it recently, this hasn’t been the only time something like this has happened. He is the nicest and kindest, most genuine man I’ve ever met, and he treats me like a princess but I’m not liking this side in him that I’m starting to see more and more.

I did text him and tell him that I’d been today when he asked what I was upto, he never replied and hasn’t asked about it or my day when we’ve spoken on the phone since.

I will see what happens this evening.

Silent treatment?

I have thought about it recently, this hasn’t been the only time something like this has happened. He is the nicest and kindest, most genuine man I’ve ever met, and he treats me like a princess but I’m not liking this side in him that I’m starting to see more and more.

The Mr Nice Guy is part of the plan. An act. If they were controlling from the beginning you wouldn't entertain them. So they play nice until they think they've got you hooked into the relationship. Then their true colours start showing.

Of course they treat you like a princess…. Whilst chipping away at you. If they had acted like this at the start you wouldn’t have stuck around, but the nice guy doesn’t last long as you’re already finding out…

Get thee to CrossFit and away from this whingey twit!

Nice's guy when you follow his rules toys out of pram ghosting until you come into line.

He is the nicest and kindest, most genuine man I’ve ever met, and he treats me like a princess but I’m not liking this side in him that I’m starting to see more and more

Yeah he's treating you like a princess except he's your minder. You do what you're told, see who you're told and don't step out of line, don't pursue your own interests unless they align with his. Wonder if he's started trying to influence what you wear yet? Princess is about right, you've got about as much freedom as a typical fairytale princess in a tower.

He's not nice, kind or genuine. It's an act. He feels safe enough to start dropping the act and trying to control you. He's an insecure, abusive prick.

What he means is you might meet some lovely fit guy who isn't a controlling arse.

Sounds like he treats you like a princess as long as you're a good little girl who does what she's told.

Of course he can fuck right off with that, who on earth does he think he is to say those things to you? We get to choose the company we keep, choose wisely.

You don't need a man that treats you like a princess, you need one that respects and trusts you.

All that princess stuff is such crap and good men don't need to love bomb then control you.

He says it feels like
I’m trying to build my own life without him,
I don’t do the things I already should be doing
I don’t have time
I’ll make new friends
I’ll be even more tired when I see him.

These are things for you to decide. And, while we're on the subject, wtf are the things you should be doing?

If you're looking for suggestions, you could bin that ah of a boyfriend. He's not good enough for you. Now the problem of not having enough time has been solved.

“Treats you like a Princess” is just another red flag. Or rather, a red flag, speckled in vomit, because it’s a really grim phrase and idea.

You’re not a princess, you’re a free human with all the rights and agency that entails. You get to choose if you want to run, do CrossFit, vape, dress as a vampire, or take up morris dancing.

A decent partner supports you in doing what you want to do - they don’t try to control you and coerce you with ultimatums or bribery - whether that’s material or otherwise - whatever “treating you like a Princess” means, because it’s done to create an obligation in you, not out of love.

I will see what happens this evening.

No, you need to decide what happens tonight.

He does not get to control you or what you do.
You need to tell him he has no say in how you run your life and you dont want to hear it again. Be assertive.

Have boundaries.

Do not change your plans to please him and tell him that you wont be doing that.

Its dangerous territory you're moving into when he is bothered you will make friends.. we all know what this means and what the red flags are telling you op. Come on.

Well of course you are seeing this more now. If on your first date, he said, “yeah, once we start dating you can’t go anywhere there might be men” you would run a mile.

He isn’t even pretending that he’s thinking about what’s best for you. He’s saying that all he cares about is that you are available for him as and when he wants you, and nothing in your life should risk getting in the way of that. Ideally, he’d like you to sit in a cupboard waiting when he isn’t making use of you.

I’m pretty sure your life is worth more than that, isn’t it?

He sounds utterly appalling OP. He doesn't want you to 'build a life on your own' and he doesn't 'want you to make friends'!?
These were the arguments he presented to you as reasonable, and therefore you'd choose not to undertake your new hobby?
He sounds deranged, controlling and childish. Is he addicted to steroids? I'm not saying that's an excuse but it might explain some of his paranoid behaviour.
Go to cross fit. Also leave him.

Treating you like a princess is a red flag in its own right imo.

You do know that Bodybuilders hate Crossfitters right? It's just a silly thing. He's maybe taking that too seriously?

I didn’t know that! 😂 He’s never mentioned it so I’m guessing that’s not the issue

Girl, run like your tampon string is on fire 🔥

This. A million times this.

@DelilahDelia

He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him,

And you should have a life without him. You aren't married, you don't live together, it's important that you have your own life. Hell, DH and I have been married for 35 years and we each have 'our own life' if that means having interests and hobbies the other doesn't share. It makes us a more interesting and well rounded person. And that's a positive in any relationship.

I don’t do the things I already should be doing

Since when is he the boss of you to say what you 'should' or 'should not' be doing?

I don’t have time

Says who? What he means is that all your spare time should be tied up with him.

I’ll make new friends

So he doesn't even want you to have your own friends????? Seriously, think about that. He wants all of you all to himself or only have friends he has approved? Do you even see your 'old friends' or are all of your friends now comprised of his friends?

I’ll be even more tired when I see him.

Again, it's all about him, isn't it? You are entitled to be as tired as you want to be from doing things you want to do. You aren't required to be Polly Perky because he wants you to do what he wants to do.

He is the nicest and kindest, most genuine man I’ve ever met, and he treats me like a princess but I’m not liking this side in him that I’m starting to see more and more.

No, he's not. He's had a mask that he's been wearing to convince you that's what he is. But the mask is slipping now because you're being a little too independent for his tastes. You're seeing the real him: controlling and self centred. And it will get worse, and if you were to marry him or move in with him it will become intolerable.

As I've read before on MN "More red flags than a May Day parade in Moscow!".

Run.

‘Roids and a controlling man. Run.

You should be running so fast that you don't need a gym.

Please leave this controlling man.