Am I wrong to do something I want even though he says I shouldn’t?

[DelilahDelia]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we don’t live together but see each other as often as we can, which can be hectic as we live 45mins apart, have 4 dc between us and both work full time.
He’s into the gym and bodybuilding and we spend a fair bit of time at the gym together.
I don’t like going to my local gym so I thought I’d quite like to try CrossFit, so signed up for a month to give it a go and see if it was for me. I plan to go when we aren’t together.
it’s caused a massive argument, he doesn’t think I should do it. His points were -
He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him,
I don’t do the things I already should be doing
I don’t have time
I’ll make new friends
I’ll be even more tired when I see him.

I’ve explained that it’s not going to interfere with our time together, but I really don’t want to give it up without trying it and feel he shouldn’t be telling me what I can and can’t do in this way, it was fine for me to go to the gym and do weights. He goes to the gym 5 times a week.
I’m doing it in my spare time and paying for it out of my own money, am I being unreasonable by going and doing it?

So many red flags you could do bunting for a street party!

Throw away whole man. Find a better specimen because this one is faulty.

RUN!!!!!! I’m afraid that seems very controlling to me and therefore a big red flag. 🚩

Never mind Crossfit, you need to sprint. As fast and as far away from him as possible.

First reply pretty much sums it up!

If a man has a problem with you going to a non man approved exercise class there is something extremely wrong with him. No-one should expect to have this level of control over another person.

@DelilahDelia

"He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him"

Anyone who thinks this is a bad thing should have you running for the hills ! More red flags than China there.

He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him, - so what?
I don’t do the things I already should be doing - who made him the boss of you?
I don’t have time - according to who?
I’ll make new friends - great!
I’ll be even more tired when I see him- not true

He’s a controlling prick. Leave him and don’t look back!

He’s a controlling, insecure man

Leave and never look back. He has no right to tell you that you shouldn’t be doing this.

Glad to see this update! He’s being so ridiculously unreasonable it’s quite staggering!

You do whatever you like in your spare time with your own money, and keep an eye on him, this has shown his true colours and I’d be very wary of him going forwards if this is his way of thinking.

You don't need his permission or approval.
Don't fall into the trap of trying to explain things in the hope he'll agree with you.

I am doing this because I want to.

You should build a life away from anyone who claims you're trying to build a life away from them and has a list of things you should and shouldn't be doing with your time.

Are you being unreasonable to have your own life (apart from your boyfriend of a year who you don’t even live with) or to put yourself in a situation where you may make friends?

No, not really. I’m surprised you have to ask.

OFCOURSE it's not you being unreasonable. Who does he think he is?

He says it feels like I'm trying to build my own life without him

What does he mean by that? Monster Olympic-sized red flags all over this. You already had your own life before he came along, and it is not up to him to tell you how to live your life.

Dump him as soon as you possibly can, he is seriously controlling.

I'm glad you went to your gym class.

BUT... the fact that a) your boyfriend said those things to you in the first place and b) you had to ask other people if you were being unreasonable really, really worries me.

There's been Soviet rallies with fewer red flags than I can see here. Your boyfriend is very, very bad news and I would urge you to have a very long, hard think about his wish to control what you do, who you see and how you spend your time. He is not a good man.

I would dumb him for saying those things if I was you.

Take it further dump him

So you prioritising your health is an issue for him? Run.

Well he's either completly right or you are but only you would know how much time you have & what you prioritise ?!?

But if the relationship is bad, being too busy to meet up with him would be a way out so maybe also join your local knitting club. Haha

No, it’s not at all.
He’s always encouraging me to be healthy this is why I can’t understand it. I fell underweight over Christmas and he was really supportive in helping me get back to being a good weight.
He encourages me to exercise, but he also hated it when I took up running again last year.
I used to vape when we first met but he gave me an ultimatum that if I didn’t give it up then we couldn’t be together.

He is very controlling - the more he controls you and the longer you are together the worse it will get. Please end this relationship and find someone who lets you be yourself 🥰

He’s always encouraging me to be healthy this is why I can’t understand it.

Lol. There's a lot of very ripped blokes at my local crossfit. Sometimes they train with no tops on. If I was in insecure controlling douchebag I wouldn't want my girlfriend hanging out there either 😂

Erm he sounds like a massively controlling narcissist TBH. I think you are being U to even consider his views, especially since you’ve got kids.

Why does HE decide what you “should” be doing? Does he not trust you to decide for yourself whether you have time? And what exactly is wrong with you making friends and having your own life? Has he explained this rationally (I.e without emotional manipulation).

As others have said 🚩 all over the place here.

Fuck this guy is a complete controlling knob.

Just to be clear, your boyfriend sounds like an utter a-hole who you should dump immediately.

Sounds like he’s only supportive when he has decided what needs doing and you’re doing exactly as you are told. Again, narc behaviour. Don’t mistake it for genuine concern.

OP this can't be an isolated example. How else does he control you? Does he tell you what to wear, who you can be friends with? Does he stop you going out with friends (with the excuse that your time should be 'for him')? Does he try to keep you away from your family? In other words is he trying to isolate you so that you become dependent on him and he has even more control because he's gradually cut you off from anyone else?

Look at the wider picture. He's made (and is making) it clear that being with him is conditional on you doing as you're told, when you're told, and how he tells you to do it. This is no life. You will lose all sight of who you really are. Please get rid of him and be true to yourself.