Am I wrong to do something I want even though he says I shouldn’t?

[DelilahDelia]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we don’t live together but see each other as often as we can, which can be hectic as we live 45mins apart, have 4 dc between us and both work full time.
He’s into the gym and bodybuilding and we spend a fair bit of time at the gym together.
I don’t like going to my local gym so I thought I’d quite like to try CrossFit, so signed up for a month to give it a go and see if it was for me. I plan to go when we aren’t together.
it’s caused a massive argument, he doesn’t think I should do it. His points were -
He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him,
I don’t do the things I already should be doing
I don’t have time
I’ll make new friends
I’ll be even more tired when I see him.

I’ve explained that it’s not going to interfere with our time together, but I really don’t want to give it up without trying it and feel he shouldn’t be telling me what I can and can’t do in this way, it was fine for me to go to the gym and do weights. He goes to the gym 5 times a week.
I’m doing it in my spare time and paying for it out of my own money, am I being unreasonable by going and doing it?

Tell him to fuck off and close the door behind him.

A generous interpretation is that he is worried about missing out on time with you. But I agree with @DadJoke that he shouldn't be discouraging you from making friends. His reaction has been pretty knee-jerk. Maybe he'll come to his senses, maybe not.

Seriously dump him - controlling twat.

Some sad women may take his attitude as "look how much he needs/cares about me".

It's neither. It's nasty, possessive, and has more red flags than a Soviet rally c1960.

I love it when this happens, how fantastic and considerate of him to show you what a controling idiot he is before you make any serious commitments. Nice and easy to get rid of, enjoy your gym sessions, make your life apart from him and make those new friends.

Get rid. That’s incredibly controlling.

I found that sometimes in gyms there's quite a lot of "looking" and flirting. I would hazard a guess that he has seen this and doesn't want you working out without him. Because you know us women. We are fragile creatures and won't be able to contain ourselves if another man smiles at us while we are sweaty and red. You clearly need Jim as a chaperone to deter the other blokes.

(Him. Not Jim. Unless your bf is called jim)

That could be a stretch. Im too old for people to bother flirting with, but I have seen it in some gyms. I think he's just jealous and wants to make sure you don't have your head turned by another man by trying to control your movements.

Run a mile. This is not a healthy relationship to model to your children. ‘You might make new friends’…..seriously?! He sounds like he has the potential to get dangerous/nasty. Don’t bring that into your kids lives.

He's a controlling twat that wants you to depend on him. Why would you want that?

a unanimous vote is rarely seen on AIBU.

I think that says it all really.

Get those running shoes on!

🤣
Absolutely!
Avoid at all costs.

He's just being controlling - and I think you are feeling that, even if you don't want to call it that yet.
I'd be interested to know what you think his reaction will be when you do it anyway?

His 'arguments' are a bit pointless, but my initial responses to them are

He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him - and? You are an individual person, you're allowed your own social life. Why does he think you shouldn't?
I don’t do the things I already should be doing like what? Why does he think he gets to tell you what you should be doing?
I don’t have time clearly you do or you wouldn't be signing up
I’ll make new friends that's good. Everyone should have friends
I’ll be even more tired when I see him or your fitness will increase and you'll have more energy?

Run for the hills

Starting a fitness class is building a life without him? And what exactly is the problem if you do make new friends?

If he was concerned about you having less or lower quality time together then he could have certainly instigated a conversation about this - maybe suggesting you both cut back on xyz to have more free time together. But concern about you making friends? I don't think I've ever seen such a clear example of controlling behaviour and a clear red flag.

Throw this one back, if his attitude now is this just imagine what it will be in five years.

I’m trying to build my own life without him = he wants to make sure he knows what you are up to, all the time.

I don’t do the things I already should be doing = he thinks he knows best about your fitness, what with being a man and all 🙄

I don’t have time = you do have time, what he means is you won't have time FOR HIM.

I’ll make new friends = oh no, not new friends! He doesn't get to dictate who you speak to or spend time with.

I’ll be even more tired when I see him = He's worried he won't get a shag, and thinks you should be reserving your time and energy for that!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Please don’t stop the CrossFit! It’s usually a great workout and great community spirit. Nothing good to say about your partner!

Tell him you are joining a knitting class, he will like that, then just go to CrossFit

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Yep, run run run away from the Muscular (if not Fat) Controller

Well he sounds rude and bossy.

Noyesnoyes · Today 13:17

Run as fast as you can

Yes, definitely dump the chump. He's being coercive, you don't need that at all, you are your own person.

Oh come on! Really? You have to ask.
Use your common sense. Do you think yabu?

Thank you all for your support!
I can be pretty stubborn so I was unsure if it was me just being unreasonable.

I did go to my first class…and I will continue to keep going!

Don't just go to the class - leave him!

Anyone who talks and thinks this way is not someone you should be in a relationship with, he'll try to wear you down.

Do you really need to ask?

Keep going to the class (and ditch this boyfriend asap)