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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I wrong to do something I want even though he says I shouldn’t?

227 replies

DelilahDelia · 25/04/2024 13:13

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we don’t live together but see each other as often as we can, which can be hectic as we live 45mins apart, have 4 dc between us and both work full time.
He’s into the gym and bodybuilding and we spend a fair bit of time at the gym together.
I don’t like going to my local gym so I thought I’d quite like to try CrossFit, so signed up for a month to give it a go and see if it was for me. I plan to go when we aren’t together.
it’s caused a massive argument, he doesn’t think I should do it. His points were -
He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him,
I don’t do the things I already should be doing
I don’t have time
I’ll make new friends
I’ll be even more tired when I see him.

I’ve explained that it’s not going to interfere with our time together, but I really don’t want to give it up without trying it and feel he shouldn’t be telling me what I can and can’t do in this way, it was fine for me to go to the gym and do weights. He goes to the gym 5 times a week.
I’m doing it in my spare time and paying for it out of my own money, am I being unreasonable by going and doing it?

OP posts:
Caerulea · 25/04/2024 13:59

🚩What 🚩 the 🚩fuck 🚩

Bananalanacake · 25/04/2024 14:07

so good you don't live with him, much easier to get rid of now you realise he's a controlling bastard.

SinnerBoy · 25/04/2024 14:11

DelilahDelia · Today 13:57

I can be pretty stubborn so I was unsure if it was me just being unreasonable. I did go to my first class…and I will continue to keep going!

Good for you! Now dump him and block his number.

cheddercherry · 25/04/2024 14:12

What did I just read! You can’t build a life without him, can’t make new friends, can’t improve your mental health and body...

Run. Use your new CrossFit kit and sprint as fast and as far as you can.

cheddercherry · 25/04/2024 14:16

Saw your update - The longer you stay with him the less stubborn you’ll become, he’ll wear it out of you eventually. You were already questioning what overwhelmingly was a massive wafting red flag on here when every woman reading your OP was probably shouting RUN at their phones reading it.

MrsMitford3 · 25/04/2024 14:16

oh @DelilahDelia

One of the clearest red flags I have ever seen on here.

Good for you for going anyway but know he is controlling and unlikely to stop here.
Seems a incredibly unhealthy relationship-which is ironic because the fall out is around the gym.
I bet he thinks he is "helping you"

I'd be reevaluating everything tbh

Naunet · 25/04/2024 14:21

Well you’ve picked a man who wants to control you and seems to think men have some kind of ownership over women. Personally, I’d aim higher.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 25/04/2024 14:24

Horrible, needy, controlling wanker.

TheCultureHusks · 25/04/2024 14:40

DelilahDelia · 25/04/2024 13:57

Thank you all for your support!
I can be pretty stubborn so I was unsure if it was me just being unreasonable.

I did go to my first class…and I will continue to keep going!

Don’t just do this. Dump him.

You know what the difference is between women who somehow end up with decent men who are their friends, as well as their partners? Who end up in genuinely good relationships?

The difference is, those women would just dump. They wouldn’t even have to think very hard about it, because it would be simple. ‘I don’t want a guy who would act like this. I want the guy who would never even think to act like this’. And they instantly discard the rubbish.

be that woman!!!!!

LakeTiticaca · 25/04/2024 15:35

Dump him
This is just the start.....

Elphamouche · 25/04/2024 15:36

Fucking Run.

HornyHornersPinger · 25/04/2024 15:36

🚩🚩🚩🚩!!!!

Angelsrose · 25/04/2024 15:38

Run far and fast away from this guy. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from your partner.

CountingCrones · 25/04/2024 15:41

He says it feels like I’m trying to build my own life without him,
I don’t do the things I already should be doing
I don’t have time
I’ll make new friends

^ All of the above are outstanding reasons to dump his insecure, controlling ass. He isn't even trying to hide his many red flags, you could see them from space.

Have a great time at Crossfit, and get rid of this neanderthal.

LifeExperience · 25/04/2024 15:43

Don't ignore the red flags, OP. This is not a healthy relationship.

Coldupnorth87 · 25/04/2024 15:55

I took up CF. Changed my life, very much for the better.

Keep going. Dump the controlling prick.

AdaColeman · 25/04/2024 16:03

What he is really saying is "Lie down, so that I can walk all over you".

Gettingonmygoat · 25/04/2024 16:05

Bloody hell why are you putting up with a controlling bastard ? You know this isn't acceptable behaviour.

CombatLingerie · 25/04/2024 16:07

Is he on steroids? I agree with PP’s this could get nasty.

GerbilsForever24 · 25/04/2024 16:12

So I guess he likes you going to the gym so you are hot and fit but he likes you going to gym with HIM so he can keep an eye on you and also stamp his "owner" stamp.

ICK.

Throw this one back.

noimnotbutyoushouldseeyourfaces · 25/04/2024 16:16

I didn't get past the end of the first sentence op...... do what makes you happy x

Agapornis · 25/04/2024 16:20

Reasons to go:
Build your own life without him
Make new friends
Get even stronger and fitter so you feel confident defending yourself from him when you dump him Grin

Whatsitcalled38 · 25/04/2024 16:22

His points are controlling af 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run away.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 25/04/2024 16:28

I wouldn't even enter a discussion with this man.

He'd be getting a text saying we're done, and the royal blocking treatment from me.

I wouldn't be giving him the opportunity to justify his disgusting controlling behaviour.

GingerPirate · 25/04/2024 16:34

F me. A man would try this on me only once.
Married for 20 years, so that's sorted.
Run!