Being referred to as 'She'

[MrsMarshallllllll29]

Good god I need to get this off of my chest!

So all in all I have an okay relationship with mil. We don't really spend a lot of time together purely because of the fact we're so very different. mil is a lovely lady don't get me wrong, and I really do try hard, but this REALLY ticks me off.

I was raised thinking referring to someone as 'She' is really rude. 'SHE has a name' my mum and dad would tell me.

My husband calls his mum at least once a day, and i'm always in earshot or involved in the conversation for a little bit. We live 5 hours apart so FaceTime is usually the only option. But I'm always bloody she!!! This week our house has been hit with a dreadful virus, knocking us and our three kids to six. After mil babying over her son asking how him and the children are feeling and how they're recovering... MIL said 'oh, how's she?' Meaning me of course. But this is like the 100th time it's happened. It's never 'how is k' it's always 'how is she'. It really grinds my gears and I find it a bit rude. I'm always the afterthought and mil can't even say my name but knows I'm in earshot.

AIBU to tell my husband that it bothers me? Or am I just being over sensitive?
Just so tired of it and it annoys me every time it happens. Basically the cats bloody mother at this point!

Hugely over sensitive imo

Cat's mother?

Life's too short to get upset by this.
She's probably a bit of a cow though!!

YANBU but take it up with your MIL, not your husband.

@MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira might just be a saying where I'm from/ grew up with.
'Who's is she? The cats mother?'

I'd just do the same about her to dh. Maybe within earshot next time so she can hear and maybe understand how rude it is.

You’re being way OTT, IMO.
My wife refers to me as ‘he’ on the phone all the time - I couldn’t imagine being overly sensitive to the point this would bother me.

It's a saying "who's she, the cats mother"

YANBU, that's a bit odd and rude IMO. How difficult is it to refer to you by your name?!

Using the term 'she' consistently like that infers a feeling of disdain.

Did you 'steal' her son away from her?

Yes it is rude. As referred to the cat's mother.

My mum used the cat's mother phrase too! Not heard it in years.

so your mother in law is asking how you are feeling... but in the wrong way? really? petty. you are a she (presumably) so what is the problem?

'Who's she the cats mother?!' My mum would always say this! Yanbu it's so rude!

PS. We use the cats mother phrase too!!

I think you should let it wash by you .... you would be much happier. It really is a bit of nothing.

My grandmother use to say that!
Shop workers seem to say it when referring to each other "she's just in the back" or "she's just getting it for you". It's kinds of an anonymous title when you don't need to know someone's name. Otherwise it's rude.

Me too, SE.

yes it's very rude!! Why has your DH not been!picking her up on it?!

If you overhear it, then call from the background "'She' has a name!"

There are more options than keeping quiet and seething, or having a massive confrontation. Just say if it bothers you and you can't get past it.

We also use the cat's mother phrase! Extremely rude where we are too. Your DH should pick her up on it immediately that she says it. If I realise I've done it I immediately apologise. It's very rude.

@marienylonette that's how I'm treated tbh. I'm always very polite and friendly to her but it's like she has a problem with me for some reason or other. Always very backhanded though so my husband doesn't really see it.

"what drink did Summa want?"
"she fancied a margarita"
"who's she, the cats mother?!"

I literally fail to the see issue, if everyone understands who is being spoken about it's just people looking to be offended.

It's her way of wielding a little bit of pathetic power. So in that respect, you should prob not show her that it bothers you, despite feeling well and truly pissed off.

Kill her with kindness and rise above it I guess. It's dickish behaviour from a grown woman though.

Sorry I didn't read the OP all the way to the bottom! I responded with cat's mother? As that's the way my gran would always respond if someone called someone else she!

Using she in response to a question is fine, using it initially to refer to someone is incredibly rude. Who's she? The cats mother was what I was brought up with.

Where's the manager? Oh she's in the back - is fine

Where is she? - is dismissive and rude when used as an opener

well at least she asked how you were