Being referred to as 'She'

[MrsMarshallllllll29]

Good god I need to get this off of my chest!

So all in all I have an okay relationship with mil. We don't really spend a lot of time together purely because of the fact we're so very different. mil is a lovely lady don't get me wrong, and I really do try hard, but this REALLY ticks me off.

I was raised thinking referring to someone as 'She' is really rude. 'SHE has a name' my mum and dad would tell me.

My husband calls his mum at least once a day, and i'm always in earshot or involved in the conversation for a little bit. We live 5 hours apart so FaceTime is usually the only option. But I'm always bloody she!!! This week our house has been hit with a dreadful virus, knocking us and our three kids to six. After mil babying over her son asking how him and the children are feeling and how they're recovering... MIL said 'oh, how's she?' Meaning me of course. But this is like the 100th time it's happened. It's never 'how is k' it's always 'how is she'. It really grinds my gears and I find it a bit rude. I'm always the afterthought and mil can't even say my name but knows I'm in earshot.

AIBU to tell my husband that it bothers me? Or am I just being over sensitive?
Just so tired of it and it annoys me every time it happens. Basically the cats bloody mother at this point!

It's very pointed. On MN it's difficult to convey tone sometimes but I can hear in my head the way your mil uses 'she' - as if it's unbearable and beneath her to use your name, such is her dislike. It absolutely isn't the same as referencing someone that you've already named.

Stop thinking your mil is a lovely woman - she's a bitch, masquerading to your dh as nice!
I'd bring this up in conversation with him in a mild way - draw his attention to it, so that he notices when it happens. He will draw his own conclusions.
And don't be feeling that you need to go out of your way to accommodate mil or be helpful to her, if it doesn't suit you.

Name the first time mentioned and then she is fine unless the topic changes or speaking about more than one female.

So if your OH said Ks had it too and she replied oh how is she....that's fine
If your MIL was asking about the kids and no one had mentioned you and then she went "and how's She" that's not only rude but weird and deliberate. But also of you are in earshot and taking part in conversation I would expect her to address you directly.

People have funny phrases like "her indoors" etc but if someone only ever uses he or she and never the name then it must be because the other person knows who they are referring too because it's a common topic of conversation.