To ask for the biggest CV fails you've come across?

[Kidulthood2027]

Have just realised I've been sending off a CV with a sentence that reads "I undertook regular security checks of the hotel during evening shits." I had meant to say "shifts". I thought I had proofread the CV thoroughly before sending it off, but clearly not enough. I was wondering why I was receiving so little interest for basic retail/food service jobs. Absolutely mortified. Any stories to make me feel better? Can be from you or from CVs you have reviewed during your working life.

My all time favourite was:
Genital office duties. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This person must have had a terrific CV to be working at the BBC.

I once received a CV from a lady who used to be a hand model and listed that on her CV for an academic post.
No problem really and actually a good way to make yourself memorable.

But, despite the fact she'd stopped modelling about ten years before, the hand modelling was really high up on her CV and she spent the same amount of space talking about modelling as she did her doctorate.

I had a similar thing with a candidate once. She didn’t have anything as impressive as a doctorate to ignore, but she did go into great detail about how much she loved going shopping and various hobbies unrelated to the job, as well as a mind-numblingly in-depth recounting of various irrelevant Saturday jobs and her “proudest achievement” - managing the ice cream stall at the cinema all by herself on a really busy weekend.

Her one piece of relevant experience - a summer internship in a junior version of the role we were advertising - got two lines. She was way too inexperienced in general, but if she’d at least given us a bit of detail about her placement and what it had taught her it would have been something. Instead it just showed shocking judgement.

Was she 8?!

These days I would be inclined to think a BBC staffer did that on purpose.

analcyst 😂

@Kidulthood2027 and @Roundaboot I’m cracking up hahaha

I owe my entire career to applying for a job on a paper application form in turquoise calligraphy.

It was a very respected company. In hindsight, this was an incredibly naïve thing to do. But it helped me stand out I suppose… especially in an industry that gets thousand of applicants for entry level jobs. And this application form came off the back of a speculative fax. There was no advertised job. Madness really.

I have to thank that easily pleased recruiter - it’s been a great profession and I’ve had so much fun.

A work colleague of mine sent a letter to the boss explaining that she had no experience or degree but that she could make a really great cup of tea - she got the job. It was a bottom of the ladder role but she smashed it and is in charge of many staff now and hugely respected. It might make a difference that we are in a creative industry where quirky or unusual isn’t instantly dismissed.

When I worked for an Iranian company in the Middle East, they binned every application without an attached picture. So entire nationalities where photos with cv’s weren’t the done thing were instantly disqualified (no real loss to them as the boss was an arms dealer wanted by Interpol and was a massive, conniving, lying arsehole).

not a typo, but one applicant had a heading "my weaknesses" on her CV. Under that she wrote: I'm too attractive.

She was applying for a position in a law firm. No particualt level of attractiveness was required.

@unsync I’m cackling hahaha

There's some sort of institution on social media at the moment advertising for cheap degrees and other qualifications (or gives grants for them, or something such as) that does that! I pointed it out to them on their post, and they blocked me!

I worked in South Korea for a few years when I'd finished my degree.
You needed to have a degree, smile and most importantly a photo which showed you as fairly young (under 30), blonde/light hair, preferably blue eyes and white skin. That photo would be key to getting the job.
This was some years ago so hopefully things have changed.

If you didn't send a photo with your application, they'd ask for one straight away.

Was recruiting for a part qualified accountant, years ago, pre internet. Worked for a national tabloid newspaper, and the proprietor decided that all roles had to be advertised in the paper - resulted in a super high volume of applications, mostly rubbish.
The highlight was when my PA who was sifting for me held one up and said "look at this" It was hard to decipher, hand-written in pencil, on a sheet from one of those jotter pads bound at the top. It basically said little more than "I want this job". I replied Great, can't wait to see the CV, only for PA to tell me that the letter was it, no CV.
Unfortunately they'd forgotten to include an address or phone number, so we couldn't reply.

A woman whose CV consisted of a convoluted and quite sweet handwritten explanation that she had never worked but at her advanced time of life(her words), she had been encouraged to find a ‘little job’. She went on to say that her husband had decided that she would make a good secretary so could she please apply for our PA role supporting the board.
A young man who listed his hobbies as ‘single handedly rescuing Patagonian villagers from the clutches of cartels armed with only a Swiss Army knife and a local chicken’. When asked why, he said no one ever reads that far but so he wanted to see if anyone spotted his little joke.

Not CV but I have signed various work emails with:

Best Reggae,

Mira

Was that a “ hand -written job application form” or a “ hand-job written application form? “

Not a c.v but on an application form I read someone had mentioned they had a holiday booked from 28th Aug to the 33rd Aug. Made me chuckle.

I would totally interview you.

Discrimination? Can you elaborate?

@Whatifthehokeycokey wow, a time traveller. Better snap them up before someone else does!

Laughed at the irony of that for far longer than I should have

@hairbearbunches spat my tea out 🤣

I hardly ever put down my hobbies and interests now as quite honestly with 3 kids and working F/T I don't have time for any.

If there is a section on a form, I'll just put that I enjoy swimming ( I do, but it only happens about once every 3 years), play Bassoon (I did and can but haven't had one in possession for about 10 years) and enjoy drawing (I 'enjoy' it but can't actually draw). So most of it is bullshit anyway.

In 2012 the college I worked out put up giant posters all over saying "OUR NEW WESBITE IS NOW LIVE"

It made me laugh because I thought of Pam from Gavin and Stacey 'with the big pen'.

Last year I interviewed someone for a senior role whose cv at the top said “senior executive positions held at [pharma co], [tech co], Uber, [another tech co]”

except it turns out when I drilled in that Uber was doing Uber Eats food deliveries during the pandemic when he’d lost his tech exec job. Absolutely no shame in that whatsoever, full respect for doing what it takes. But a senior executive position at the company it absolutely is not.