To ask for the biggest CV fails you've come across?

[Kidulthood2027]

Have just realised I've been sending off a CV with a sentence that reads "I undertook regular security checks of the hotel during evening shits." I had meant to say "shifts". I thought I had proofread the CV thoroughly before sending it off, but clearly not enough. I was wondering why I was receiving so little interest for basic retail/food service jobs. Absolutely mortified. Any stories to make me feel better? Can be from you or from CVs you have reviewed during your working life.

They do this on purpose so no one will take them seriously and they can continue to claim…durrr

And this is the most socially responsible way to do it, if you're forced to apply for a job that you don't want and aren't qualified for. Make it obvious so you don't waste more of the employer's time than you have to.

I’ve seen a few… one who added their bra size under list of attributes 😳😂
Another who was applying to work in a school who put ‘burnout’ as a reason for leaving their previous school.
Another also applying to work with vulnerable kids who had a pretty impressive CV but needed an extra sheet to list all their convictions and which included; burglary, assault and domestic violence!

Points 1 and are pretty special but 2 is just honest, and probably verifiable with sick leave however you dress it up!

Unless you mean they torched the place?!

Yes

One of my friends tailors their CV for every job they apply for. One time, they forgot and sent the original. Saved as ‘Sharon’s shit CV. doc’
She didn’t get an interview….

A close friends daughter applied for a job at her local Starbucks. Under Additional Information on the CV she wrote 'I live walking distance from this Starbucks'..... unfortunately she left that sentence in the CV for several other jobs she applied for around the same time.... she can laugh about it now 😁

Where did I say I rejected them? If I ever get back in to recruitment perhaps I'll bow to your superior way of judging people. (Insert sarcasm emoji here)

Makes sense now! 😁

😉😹

that's funny

This is interesting - as the main problem with Word Docs is surely that they can be amended maliciously? For instance, a firm could beef up your skills or qualifications on your CV, then later call you out for making stuff up and fire you. Guess I'm being paranoid, but it is a way to get rid of someone. As many CVs you have to upload on an application form rather than email, that is feasible. (Never heard it happen, admittedly.)

It should show the last date the Word document was amended so if this was two years after you joined the company or whatever hopefully you'd have a good case for saying it wasn't you.

If a firm wants to make something up to get rid of you, you don’t want to work there.

The fault here doesn't lie with unsuitable applicants though, it's the fucking stupid jobseekers requirements that set a ridiculous nominal target of jobs to apply for without any reference to suitability or likelihood of being considered.

Anyone that malicious and determined could amend a pdf too. It's a piece of piss.

If they want to get rid of you underhandedly, they will get rid of you regardless of the format of your cv.

I had an application from a young lady who thought she would be a great computer programmer as she was good with languages, having really enjoyed French at school. No IT experience though.
Je m'appelle SQL....

I just read that out aloud to my 11yo DS (who is really into computers), and was thinking that Windows 97 was obviously from a long time ago and obsolete now... but he instantly reminded me (and I was there, using computers in 1997, but he obviously wasn't) that Windows 97 isn't just very old; it never actually existed in the first place!

The 'asassinating customers' quote reminds me: Not in a CV, but in a draft of an articls for a scientific journal: '14 participants were executed for not meeting the criteria.' It was corrected to 'excluded' before publication!

I proof read for a lady who had only one typo (that I noticed 😂) which said that she'd taught English at a 'Pubic School'

Not a CV, but I just received an out of office message starting with: "Thank you for your massage."

I had a second-hand computer that my Dad bought off his friend that was OS Windows 95 in 2004 😂
Gosh that was already 20 years ago 😅
xx

I think the one after Windows 95 was Windows 98.
it's a bit like iPhone I think skipped 9 and went from iPhone 8 to iPhone 10, coz I remember a joke on TV saying, "There's no iPhone 9, because 7, 8 (ate) 9" 😂
xx

I'm not an employer so I haven't come across any fails in applications, cover letters or CVs