To ask for the biggest CV fails you've come across?

[Kidulthood2027]

Have just realised I've been sending off a CV with a sentence that reads "I undertook regular security checks of the hotel during evening shits." I had meant to say "shifts". I thought I had proofread the CV thoroughly before sending it off, but clearly not enough. I was wondering why I was receiving so little interest for basic retail/food service jobs. Absolutely mortified. Any stories to make me feel better? Can be from you or from CVs you have reviewed during your working life.

My daughter ( who has just got most amazing apprenticeship, proud mum boast) was applying for temp work to tide her over the summer. Was giving it big about how much she loved White Stuff and demonstrating her company knowledge, to then wonder why she didn't hear anything as ticked all the boxes, then she realised she had actually applied for the White Company!

I’ve worked on several automated CV readers and they could all parse PDFs.

You do need to be careful about formatting in any document, as if you do something graphical or “clever” it may confuse the parser and PDFs tend to be worse for this, but a straightforward PDF should not be a barrier at all.

Did you at least interview her?! Sounds great.

I received one for a very serious role that said 'willing to relocate anywhere I can get my head down and my hustle on"

😂 Had a few but not that bad!

Any interviews for those jobs?!

@Pistachiovillian @NonPlayerCharacter

You're both nitpicking a grammatically correct sentence whilst trying to belittle. Nice try :)

This sentence places more emphasis on the fact that I haven't found any at all.

I'd argue "found even one" is more formal and literary.

One listed all the professional rolls he’d had over previous jobs.

aw that's the kind of thing i'd do. Then i'd agonise over whether to just radically accept the fuck up, or to trying and apologise. Oh! sorry about that! I don't usually make mistakes honestly!

😂😂😂

Yes she was young and hadn't had a lot of experience with the non basic tools in word. She did get the job despite going to the interview in shoes more appropriate for a night club and they have supported her over nearly 10 years to go from an entry level job to getting various finance qualifications and a career in business. They definitely knew what they were getting when taking her on! She is very grateful of their backing. She was self taught after having to drop out of school due to ill health during her a levels. She thought there was something wrong with her version of word rather than the crossed out bits being part of the document.

Haha. You made a boastful post about how nobody could write a CV that passed your "scrutiny" (lol), made a mistake and are now complaining about nitpicking and belittling. I love how you generously told us you would be willing to proofread a FEW CVs for us, just a FEW. How many requests have you received? Why are you trying to get women to send personal documents to you?

Perhaps this sort of tit?

No bad cv's but at the height of the whole 'searching facebook for any infomation on job candidates' I sent off dozens of carefully crafted 'explain your job absences while looking for work experiance' CV's (due to poor work history) with a Facebook account using my very specific/unique name showing dozens of random photos of me drinking & with children 🤔 so it basically just looked like my lack of work history was down to getting pregnant young & pissing up every night curtsy of my own mother trying to get intouch with her sister who'd blocked her in a family fued... (my actual Facebook page showing I was just a normal person used a nickname & no surname!)

Still absolutely grates me how much I struggled to get interviews & how much stress I felt at that time of my life that she did it & so poorly that I looked like a complete mess when it was entirely my own mothers doing!

CVs are formal, MN is informal. I use contractions on here, for example, miss out commas, use slang...
Feel free to explain the mistake though, or are you going to backtrack? Both are common usage and acceptable.
As for offering to help, yes, fair point, not the place. I've seen a fair few and thought I'd offer, but didn't want to be swamped and disappoint if the offer was taken up.

A person who had typed their name in enormous font (size 64 or thereabouts) and misspelt their first name, Brian as Brain.

Someone claimed they had worked as a stationary assistant rather than a stationery assistant. I already had a few stationary assistants and didn’t want to employ another!

DB told of short listing for a job and rejecting a candidate with a distinctive name due to lack of appropriate qualifications. They kept the applicants’ CVs on file. The next year the same person applied with a very ‘enhanced’ CV - new degrees, post grad qualifications and employment history. DB didn’t short list that time but was interviewing and recognised the name. The candidate found himself having to explain the discrepancy between the two CVs in his interview and unsurprisingly didn’t get the job.

May I request that from now on, you do this "I meant to do that" bollocks instead of the whiny "flip the sexes" crap we usually get? It'll be a while before this stops being funny and becomes just as boring. Ta.

I'm not surprised, presumably you needed a crane to move them!

I accepted my fuck up and never contacted them again as felt far too awkward having to go back and say sorry sorry, know I claim to be competent and sent you a curry recipe and not a cv sorry sorry tinkly laugh!

I've had my share of CVs accidentally swearing etc but the ones I remember, not sure these are mistakes but still:

One application form informed me the applicant had 'always been an overachiever in life' but, and this is with absolutely no judgement, listed a very average academic record and string of short term admin assistant level jobs well into their 30s. No mention of any particular challenges or achievements outside work or study that might account for the statement. All absolutely fine but I was mystified by the overachiever comment!

One was someone overqualified but in a different, hard hit area applying for a job during lockdown. So their experience was transferrable rather than direct.

They rather pompously kept repeating 'my CV clearly explains I have more than adequate experience for this role' or similar in answer to all application form questions (competency style). I understood their predicament and felt for them but can't see why they thought that would come across well. I suppose they were throwing in thinking someone might snap them up but I was recruiting a permanent role they would have needed quite a bit of training for.

I once very narrowly avoided telling a client that my manager was “very busty at the moment” 🫢

Someone applying for an admin role listed under ‘Relevant Training’:
Stage Combat
Holistic Swedish Massage

I quite like where I work, but it’s not that interesting.

Slightly different but I did point out to DDs boyfriend that using the email address “Hyperkiller456” was not the best way to apply for a job.
He was a gamer you see!

Had one who said their greatest strength was being conscious.

Another who sent a rambling example of their customer service skills from their time working in a McDonald’s which repeatedly referred to a curtain promotion they had managed. Took me a while to work out what they meant. (Certain).

We get a lot of applications where the 500 word box for a personal statement has just ‘hard worker’ or similar two word efforts in. Those get filed under ‘job club’.

These days before I start I quickly go on ChatGPT and ask it to write me a 500 word application for the following job- then paste in the whole advert. The results are often virtually indistinguishable from some applications. 100% waffle with no evidence of anything. Those ones ALWAYS have the phrase ‘ my skills and experience are perfectly aligned with the requirements of the role’. I have no problem with light use of AI but maybe give it a hint of effort!

Great thread. Shame on that person who threw people’s applications up in the air though. Applying for jobs is hard work.