C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

I agree, your husband is awful.

Ive had 3 sections - first was emergency, second two were planned as I wasnt going through what happened with DC1 again.

Your husband sounds like a prick & I don't say that lightly.

My DH was in awe of everything I did to get DC1 safely delivered and that I survived it too. He did everything to support me - including all night feeds so I could rest.

Im sure if he had had major abdo surgery he would expect to be waited on hadn and foot until he was fully recovered - so why isnt he doing that for you?

Sections are major surgery and in other similar surgery you would be able to take your time to get back to full strength but when it involves giving birth, society just doesnt recognise it as the same and thats wrong.

Your husband needs a rocket up his arse to be supportive and should be taking the load away from you.

In regards to your question - yes you are wrong to be disappointed. You gave birth in the safest way and you and your baby survived - that doesn't always happen.

My 1st section was a tough recovery, probably because everything that went wrong wasnt supposed to and I was in shock about what had happened.

However, my following 2 sections (due to me requesting them) were fantastic - planned sections are much better for you and tend to be much quicker recovery time. I have no regrets with any of my sections and have strongly recommend DD to have a section rather than giving birth vaginally.

Everyone is different and the only thing that matters about giving birth is that you all survived it - how they got here is completely irrelevant.

Congratulations on you new baby OP. Please go easy on yourself. You're less than a week away from major surgery and a big life change. You made a mature decision in very difficult circumstances and, for that, you should be commended.

Perhaps your husband needs to sit down and read the stories of women who were refused c-sections, the maternity failures and how they panned out.

It annoys me, this trope that a cs is a failure. It isn't. We're not 'too posh to push' and even when we are no bloke should dare to judge any woman for how she gives birth.

You are upset about the comments by your DH over CS being somehow lesser yet you yourself do the same thing.

Really.

YOU are very much part of the problem here. Why do you think men have attitudes like that, if women themselves see a CS as lesser and 'disappointing'.

Christ sake.

Are you traumatised by it? Do either you or your child have a lasting permanent injury from it? Or did it just not go to plan and hey ho thats life, we can't always get what we want but actually things have turned out ok really and it's not a big deal.

You really need to examine why you feel that you should have experienced a VB.

Is it about ticking a box? Is it about this bollocks of being 'a real woman'? What exactly is it?

Cos you don't get a prize for pushing a human out your fanny over and above anyone who has a CS.

What you did was, in my opinion, the harder option. You sacrificially gave up your hopes and desires for a vaginal birth in order to do what was safest for your baby and you did so before being forced to. You should be extremely proud of yourself!!

Post your DH's phone number right now.

Seriously. He needs a slap in the face with a chair.

Congratulations on starting off your parenting journey by making the safest and best choice for you and your child, despite it not being exactly how you wanted things to go. This kind of pragmatism is exactly what parenting requires, and you should not feel guilty about it for a second.

Your husband is being a dick about this.

Your husband is a grade A arsehole. Congratulations and look after yourself.

Your DD needs to fucking shut his mouth and be grateful that you and your baby are safe.

OP, even the most straightforward of births can be traumatic and it sounds like yours was very difficult for many reasons. And your hormones will be all over the place right now. It's not surprising that your emotions are overwhelming. But you haven't "taken the easy option" (there's no such thing in childbirth) and you've done great.

Do you have anyone supportive who you can talk to? A friend who might be able to come round?

YABU for considering future pregnancies. You should not be considering bringing more children into this sort of relationship.

Congratulations on the birth of your healthy baby!

Just to say I know the feelings you speak of - my first was four weeks late with, induction for 24 hours followed by emergency C section. One mum in the mums group I was in even said how disappointed I must be not to have had a "natural delivery"- my mum nearly clocked her!

Had 3 successful vaginal deliveries after this- two of them were also induced, so an emergency C section does not mean you won't have vaginal delivery in future if you want one unless there are other risks to you and your baby. Your body, your choice!

Honestly, I've had 3 births - 2 natural and 1 section and the first two vaginal ones were hands down the easier option. My emergency section was 6 months ago (today!) and I definitely think it was harder than the others. If the cord prolapse didn't happen I would've been way happier to do it as I had before. But these things happen, your husband needs to buck up his ideas.
Congratulations on baby too!

Your husband sounds like a twat but you aren’t giving yourself much credit either by being disappointed in yourself. Making that decision and doing the best for your baby makes you already an amazing Mum, c sections are not the easy way out . Congratulations on your DD 🩷

And an ignorant one at that.

I haven't voted as I'm not quite sure what you're asking.
You are not unreasonable to feel disappointed. It's a natural human response when we hope for something and things don't go according to plan. And you're definitely being reasonable to expect some support from your DH.
But you are not reasonable to feel like you failed. You made a rational decision and gave birth to a healthy baby - that is success!
I had complications in my first pregnancy and was offered induction or a c section when I was admitted to hospital. After the staff talked me through the options I said something like "Hang on, so you are offering me the choice of pessaries which could take hours to work if they do at all, then a drip, probably an epidural and there's still a high likelihood that I will need to have an emergency section, quite likely in the middle of the night, maybe with a relatively junior surgeon and anaesthetist, or I can go to theatre this afternoon and have my baby in a controlled manner with both Consultants definitely present? Well it's a toughie but..."
Of course I picked the section. Yes, I was disappointed. I didn't have the pregnancy or birth I had envisaged. But I did have a healthy baby. I took a rational decision for my baby. So did you. It's ok to be sad about the experience you didn't have, but try to see positives in the one you did have, and definitely don't believe anyone who says you are selfish, lazy, a failure or any of that crap. If my husband had said anything like that to me I think I might have stabbed him.

Seriously fuck off. The OP is allowed to feel however she wants about how HER birth went, and process that in her own time. It is not a reflection on how you or any other woman chose or was compelled by circumstances to deliver their child. How dare you stand there finger-wagging at her for being upset that she ended up in a very frightening situation and had to make difficult decisions that ended up with her having an 6-inch wound into her internal organs. She is not 'part of the fucking problem'. You are, because once again a woman is being told what to do and how to feel. Just bugger off and leave her alone.

To be honest I can’t disagree with this.

Your "DH" is an idiot.
The best outcome for any delivery is a healthy baby and Mum
He should be
Over the moon he has a child and
his wife had major surgery to achieve this.
He also should be showing care and concern for you.
Do NOT feel guilty or that you failed in some way. Your baby arrived safely which is a huge achievement
I had a crash C section with my DS1 because of a cord prolapse and he needed resuscitation at birth
You can never predict the delivery you have
I am really sorry your H is not more understanding and supportive

Do you really think now is the moment to be picking OP to pieces because of how she feels?

I haven't got the words to say how I feel about your husband.
Wow ,and not in a good

Calm down. The poster was pointing out that the op agrees with her husband, that she is disappointed, and the issues surrounding that thought. Yes they put it bluntly but there is a fair point being made, no ine is lesser as they had a c section. No oen took the easy option.

He sounds ignorant and needs a good talking to by a friend/his mum. You made a decision when you were exhausted and in pain with best interests of baby. If it had gone other way and you’d said no section and now had a brain injured baby due to oxygen deprivation no doubt he’d be criticising you. Drs don’t agree to sections for nothing, they assess things and if offered it was obviously medically necessary.
You can sometimes book a debrief with a specialist midwife after a difficult labour I did.

You've literally had your organs removed, placed on a shelf and put back in again (oh and brought an actual child into the world well!)

He is a cunt of a man

@Lessonsinchemistry6

I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.

Your husband can SO fuck off! I rarely swear but this ignorant behaviour from him is shocking. Until he is able to give birth and keep up the energy through three days of effort he should keep his snarky, unsupportive comments to himself.

He, as the other parent - who didn't have to carry a child for nine months, have to go through labour (aptly named) or have medical intervention both for your safety and your child, should 110% only have your health, safety and comfort in mind.

I really hope the medical team got him told. Do think about whether you should allow him to father any other children with you. In the meantime if you have other members in your family who can give you emotional or physical support (mother? Sisters?) I would lean on them. 🌹

Congratulations for birthing your healthy child, you have done brilliantly and I wish you a good recovery. If anyone says anything to you about taking an easy option (that was not in your child’s interest in the circumstances) you can tell them to p1ss of from me 😂