C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

Absolutely. And any woman who thinks this also is! (I've had both). Elective C-sections are becoming the new norm, and I find it midn boggling and worrying. It is major surgery, with all the risks and dangers involved- not an easy option at all!

Please don’t have another baby with such an utterly thick as mince man. At least if you choose one as thick as mince, make sure they’re kind!

Can you go stay with family? It goes without saying that there’s no easy option really when birth gets difficult. You could easily be sitting there now with an undercarriage absolutely full of stitches instead of several abdominal layers to heal. The only definite is that the option you chose right then was safer for the baby. I wonder what your total bottom-feeding plank of a husband would be saying if you’d pushed on and were now dealing with a newborn who had suffered oxygen deprivation. Probably ‘Why didn’t you ask for a section earlier, couldn’t you even tell it was getting risky?’

No words really. Do show him this thread (feel I should ask, as long as he can read?)

Take care x

@Lessonsinchemistry6 first of all congratulations!! Out of interest is your dh a bit ‘hippyish’, anytime I’ve come across attitudes like this about births it’s always the same people tbh …..

You birthed a child safely. Congratulations. Dh is being ridiculous

Your dh sounds like a complete selfish twat! What an awful thing to say to the mother of his child....

There is no shame in having a child section op. It's what was best for you and the baby at the time. Stop beating yourself up about it.

Your husband is a horrible person and also thick!
I did both and c section is absolutely not the easy option. You did the best with the info you had at the time (an extremely stressful and painful time). It sounds like you made the right choice under the circumstances.

This ...... What a cunt......

Unforgivable

@Lessonsinchemistry6 congratulations on growing and producing a healthy baby xx

I'd quote Rachel Green here: 'no vagina, no opinion'. OP you've spent the last 9 months growing a healthy baby in your body and now you've delivered them safety into the world. You deserve all the love, encouragement and praise from your partner. Not disappointment or insults. Opting to have a c section isn't a light decision and sounds like you made a sensible one in the moment if it was heading that way anyway and you were already exhausted. You need all your energy to take care of your newborn.

Please surround yourself with supportive people and I'd be having some strong words with your husband/re-evaluating if he's the best person to have around you right now...

@NCprivatelife thank you. I have a lovely, very safe life now. I think it's important to recognise that when women post for sense checks on here (during extremely vulnerable points in their lives) about one incident regarding their partners reactions to things, it's usually because they are starting to wake up to the fact that there is a bigger picture problem here and the gateway incident is the tip of the iceberg. The very act of writing a post of such vulnerability, with such questions that the OP has posed, when her baby is days old is telling in of itself. I like to share my experience because I, for various reasons, didn't leave until it escalated to a dangerous level. I just hope it stops and makes posters think on their situation. If it feels wrong, it's usually wrong.

You were on labour for days and your husband thinks you had the easy way out ? Get rid of him ! He is not worthy as a partner .
stop worrying about a c section versus a natural birth . I had both , none is easy , c sections are 50x harder as a way of giving birth so far from the easy way out

Your husband is an uneducated uninformed bell end. You and your baby deserve better. He should be your biggest champion, your biggest cheerleader. And stop putting yourself down. You didn’t take the easy option. I wish women would stop with this harmful toxic narrative.

Your DH is a fucking prick. My daughter is 4 weeks old, I had an assisted birth because I was induced but in labour way earlier than they realised and beyond exhausted and couldn’t get her past the pubic bone.

I considered a C section but was out of it on gas and air because I had spent ages pushing and 24 hours prior to that in agony with contractions on fucking paracetamol. She was ventouse in the end and then I had a massive haemorrhage. The reason we didn’t go for a section us baby was coping fine. If there had been a hint that her HR dropped at all I would have demanded a section.

Tell your DH to grow the fuck up. You’ve had major surgery, you’ve not taken the easy way out and he wouldn’t have wanted to be in my DH’s situation with me bleeding out and him not knowing what was happening.

Your feelings are valid.

However, I wouldn't be upset about the c-section. Never understood the obsession with a "natural" birth - c-sections are great! You have to go steady early on, but a year down the line I'm fully fixed, whereas my friends who had vaginal births are still peeing themselves three years on.

YABU to feel guilty or a failure. You have birthed your baby and you are both safe and well at the end of it. Job done. Congratulations on your DD

How dare he criticise you. What a wanker. Big picture mum and baby are healthy. End of. He needs to grow up.

Not helpful in any way but gob smacked at your vile husband

The natural birth movement is absolute bollocks. Have a look at the statistics on birth injuries. C sections aren't pushed because the state would have to fund them but in many cases are the safest option. Well done and have a private word with your home midwife.

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.

He sounds like an absolute dick. C-Section isn't taking the easy option at all!

What an absolute dickhead. Congratulations on your lovely baby and making one of the first tough decisions of parenthood. If the doctor didn't think it was the right choice, they wouldn't have given you the option and they would have tried to talk you into a vaginal birth. It sounds like they gave you the choice because they knew it was heading that way anyway.

I gave birth a month ago, vaginal delivery and I felt great and like my normal self by day 3 postpartum. I'm going to assume you definitely don't feel like that, so of course you didn't take the easy way out!

Congratulations on the birth of your baby! You are absolutely in no way to blame for this and your husband sounds truly awful. Your husband should be supporting and looking after you and the baby.
It is no problem for your next births. The hospital will monitor you. The only problem is your husband.

Your husband is a bastard. My daughters just had an emergency c sec under the same circumstances, and also didn’t want a c sec. I think she’s felt twinges of guilt, which she absolutely shouldn’t, but if her partner ever said ANYTHING negative about it, I think I’d kill him with my bare hands

How YOU as a woman choose to bring your child into the world is nobody’s business. Not even your husband’s business. You made the best medical decision for you and your baby & shouldn’t feel guilty for that.
YABU for allowing your husband to make you feel this way & being unreasonable for being hard on yourself. Be proud of yourself, you have just been through pregnancy and birth.

Wow, he's "disappointed"
You must be gutted to see the real him....
I wouldn't recommend having any other children with him, actually I'd be getting rid of him.
You had a complicated labour, you had a c-section - while it's not what you would have chosen, it was necessary, it doesn't seem like you had any choice.
Let along choosing the "easy option"
I had a c-section - I wish I hadn't needed to but it was medically necessary.
Your husband is a complete tw*t.

Is your husband a scientologist or just a twat?

Congratulations on your baby 💐
An emergency cesarean is not an easy option - as you are experiencing. Having an induction significantly increases the likelihood of needing a cesarean. You were induced on medical advice as it was the best thing for your baby. The cesarean was for the same reason. You have been through a traumatic experience, including major abdominal surgery and your hormones are probably all over the place too.

Be kind to yourself. Your husband should certainly be much kinder, and I hope you can call on support from other family and friends.

At some stage, and certainly before you think about conceiving another child, you may want to make an appointment to go through your notes and what happened and what this may mean for future pregnancies and deliveries.