C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

This.

First, congratulations on your new daughter ❤️ and well done for getting through major traumatic and painful abdominal surgery to make sure she got here quickly and safely. You’re a hero 🦸

My first birth sounds very similar. It started off fine but was moving very slowly after being induced. Then, she started getting distressed and I started bleeding - the placenta was detaching. I had such a quick emergency c section and had I not then one, or perhaps even both of us would have died. You did what you did to save your child and potentially yourself - there is nothing to feel bad about and your husband is an absolute dickhead. I’m sorry but he is. Perhaps ask the doctor or community nurse to clearly explain to him what the alter could have been and ask which one he would prefer?!

I’m so sorry your partner can’t yet see what an absolute legend you’ve been xx we all can. Xx

p.s. I used a giant Velcro support ‘belly band’ after my second c section and it made a world of difference in terms of how much I was able to move around after. Might be worth a try?x

🩷🥹

Two sections for me and two healthy children. 🩷🩷

Wtf is wrong with him?

Your birth was identical to mine this thought process wouldn’t even have occurred to Dh. He’s either clueless or a fucking monster.

I think the voting is so split because the meaning is ambiguous. Almost certainly most posters are on OP's side and there are two ways of interpreting the wording.

Please don't let your husband intimidate you. He is a selfish ***!

In 1986, I gave birth to my first child, a beautiful daughter, by emergency C section under GA, after attempts to speed up my labour resulted in acute foetal distress. My daughter's heart almost stopped. Luckily, they wasted no time and she was fine. My husband was supportive, but an NCT teacher later made me feel a total failure, commenting "well, at least you managed to breastfeed!". Nul points for the birth... (She was a sandals and brown rice earth mother type). I felt a failure until I subsequently gave birth vaginally to my son, two years later. He was a bigger baby but was in a more favourable position.... Again, there was some evidence of foetal distress, but I managed to push him out quickly....

My daughter could have been brain damaged if they hadn't done the C section when they did. Vaginal birth is no picnic, but the recovery is way quicker. My daughter is now 38, an international lawyer and mother of my two beautiful grandchildren, having had five miscarriages before the first one was born. Interestingly, she had a C section for her first, after an induction which went on forever. Her second child was born vaginally. Her second experience was much better, as is often the case. It is perfectly possible to have a safe VBAC for subsequent children with the right care. But it really doesn't matter HOW a child is born. The delivery of a healthy child is all that matters. The health professionals know what they are doing when they warn you about foetal distress. It's a real thing and can seriously damage a perfect little baby if left to progress. So don't beat yourself up!!!! Stand up to your husband and show him this thread, or make him read up on cerebral palsy, which is caused by low blood oxygen in the foetus. If you can't get through to him, get a health professional to sort him out. Sending you huge hugs 🤗. And hoping that you sort your husband out, one way or another. AND ENJOY YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY. TIME GOES SO FAST, SO DON'T WASTE A PRECIOUS MINUTE OF IT WORRYING ABOUT YOUR C SECTION!!!

When I had my emergency section my dh was just grateful that it meant we would both survive. When I had my second, again he was just grateful. When I had my final, planned section he said nothing critical because it was none of his fucking business. Your husband needs to be sat down by a midwife, or an obstetrician and told in no uncertain terms what a grade A, solid gold cock he is being. Or just show him this thread. Then get that patio planned.

You brought your baby into the world safely - an amazing achievement however it happens.

Your DH is awful, it’s not easy at all, it’s a huge ordeal and the recovery is a big deal. He needs to seriously think about what he’s saying to you as he’s massively out of line!

I voted YANBU - your husband is BU and I really think that you should not be feeling guilty for making a sensible decision based on circumstances at the time and in conjunction with medical advice.

I wasn't sure which way the vote was supposed to go. I voted that you're unreasonable to feel disappointed in yourself. Congratulations on your baby.

Your husband can get tae fuck!

Who does he think he is to be "disappointed" in you for the way you gave birth? Something he is completely incapable of, by the way.

"Easy option" my arse. Sounds like an excuse for him not to do his fair share (which is 50% generally, and more than that while you recover from major abdominal surgery).

I hope he has the type of mother, sister or female friend who'll read him the riot act of you tell her what's going on, but somehow I doubt it.

Failing that, does he have a man in his life who would show him some strategic contempt for this attitude? There's no correctional like a little public shaming. My DH would think he was ridiculous and pathetic - you can borrow him!

I'd be so embarrassed to know this weak excuse for a man.

WHAT??!!! He accused you of "taking the easy option"??!! How dare he? Men can be so thoughtless. Nobody is standing at the end of the bed handing out medals. You've been pregnant and safely delivered a baby - that's amazing and a huge achievement. 💥

Well he needs to fuck off right now
What an idiot
Nothing wrong with a section in any circumstances let alone those.
I had an unplanned section I could have ploughed on with my birth plan and my son could have died safety of both mother and child takes precedence.

I had a c section too and the only person I’m disappointed in is your husband for being such a prick. Please don’t give it any more airtime and enjoy your beautiful baby. And in time have a think about the husband because his attitude ain’t right xx

It’s quite simple really….

YOU…..are a brilliant person who made the courageous decision that enabled your baby to arrive safely into the world.

YOUR ‘D’H…..is a cunt.

Your husband is disappointed with you & making passive aggressive remarks

You have just spent 9 months growing a new human, putting strain & risk on your body.

I am more than a little disappointed with your husband for his absolutely appalling attitude. He should be bending over backwards to do everything possible for you & your newborn.

Hes a total fucking wanker

Huge congratulations on your beautiful newborn

Your husband needs to be sat down by a midwife, or an obstetrician and told in no uncertain terms what a grade A, solid gold cock he is being

I don't think NHS medical professionals time should be wasted trying to make abusive, nasty, stupid idiots - not.

The only thing the midwife should be doing is trying to establish if this is a pattern of behaviour - which it probably is - and helping op get out of this relationship, instead of having more kids within it.

This, a C section unplanned is scary. How dare he belittle a medical decision for your and your baby's Safety. I would go through him for a short cut.

Honestly I would be kicking him to the kerb, nasty

You made the best decision you could, with the information you had at the time, to ensure your baby was delivered safely. Huge congratulations on growing and birthing your DD. I hope your wee one is well. When your DH has been through pregnancy and childbirth he can have an opinion, how dare he do anything other than be hugely proud of you and grateful to you.

and would he have been even more disappointed with a baby with health or developmental issues ? Sorry he does not sound mature enough for the responsibilities of fatherhood ! You need to tell him clearly you made the right decision and even if you hadn't - it's your decision not his

Ignore that idiot. Congratulations on your baby. 💕

Yeah, abusive men use any opportunity to put down their partners and make them feel bad about themselves and failures.

They particularly like using "feminine" functions - making out their partner can't even do the things they should be able to as a woman.

My p has many many faults but he tried to persuade me to have an elective caesarian because he was so worried about the unknowns /unpredictability of a vagjnal birth. And all he wanted was a safely delivered baby, he couldn't have give less of a fuck about the caesarian. He didn't make birth into some kind of challenge that he scored me on or stick to beat me with.

Your h is a disgrace.

Do you have a healthy, lovely baby? Then you made the right decision. There is WAY too much fuss made over how the baby comes out, as opposed to the need to have a healthy baby, healthy mother and safe delivery. That's the important thing.
If your DH ever dares to say anything again about 'taking the easy option', remind him that it is major abdominal surgery, that your DD is safely delivered, and that if he is so concerned about a 'natural' (grrr) delivery next time, then he can spend 20 hours pushing a rugby ball out of his arse and see how he likes it.
Yes I had a C-section because without it I and my babies could have died. Best. Decision. Ever.

Enjoy your DD and congratulations OP.

First of all congratulations on the new arrival!
Second of all, you took your husband's two puffs and a pant and grew it for 9 months into a child that you spent 3 days trying to bring into this world naturally. If you didn't have the section, chances are one or both of you and your baby would have died. Doctors don't just offer sections willy nilly - they are done because they are viewed to be the safest option for bringing baby into this world and keeping mum alive to raise her child. As someone who has had 2 sections - one emergency after nearly 72 hours of labour and eclampsia and one planned due to pre ecampsia escalating, i can safely tell you that your husband is a moron. You have had major abdominal surgery and in no other surgical case are you expected to not only be on your feet after 6 hours but looking after another human and producing milk. I had a sinus op recently and was told I wouldn't be fit for 10 days and would need loads of bed rest. I just looked at the doctor and said I've had 2 sections and was expected to be up within 6 hours, producing enough milk to feed my baby and look after him on my own while having to stay in hospital for 3 days due to the inherent risks of the section and you are telling me that for a minor day surgery I need 10 days recovery and loads of best rest? We need to do better at educating people - including your husband- of the mountain of strength it takes to function after a section. It is far from the easy route when you can't lift your child, the car seat or the pram. I am so beyond angry for you right now and I don't even know you! All this section is the easy way out is utter bs. Tell your husband to do one. You, dear stranger on the internet, are a rockstar. Much love x

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby - that’s what this time should be all
about!

It sounds like you made a decision which, at the time, felt like the very best thing you could do for your daughter, given the circumstances. You did what any parent what do so you should feel proud of that and not guilty at all. It can’t be easy recovering from the c-section and it’s be no means an easy option x