C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

The thought never even crossed my mind, back in the day. I was young, very healthy and strong, and not frightened of giving birth. Right up to the day, there was no question that a C-section could or would be a possibility at all. But the baby turned out to be a bad case of breech- and 12 hours after induction, the baby showed signs of distress, and I was so exhausted. I had an emergency C-s with epidural, and DH was there to hold my hand, and the baby presented to me right after birth.

Yes, I was sad in many ways that it happened- disappointed perhaps too, with the hormones going crazy. At NO point whatsoever, did DH make me think I was responsible and was in full awe of what had happened and that we were both safe and well, and that we were able to establish BF straightaway.

Congratulations to you - put this behind you now, and enjoy your baby. There will be highs and lows, and please, do ask for support and help and look after yourself.

Nothing about 3 days of labour and a c-section and recovery is the easy option. Your husband is an absolute prick!

And his dick.
No way should you let this "man" near you ever again.
Hes a disgracem and quite frankly, hes a bloody dissapointment.
And id be telling him that, "theres only one dissapointment here, and it aint Me."

Oh - and your DH is being a parent to his new daughter, not helping a lot. This is to be expected and more. If he can't cope with being a new Dad now, I'd back out of the relationship and be making all necessary arrangements live elsewhere.

He is really not a good one if he could honestly believe that having a C-Section is taking the easy way out, or looking after his own child is 'helping out'.

I think the women of South Korea have it right with the 4B's protest.

I say the following with a lot of concern for you @Lessonsinchemistry6, please, please, please give a lot of consideration to getting on birth control as soon as you can and also for not having any more kids with this specimen.

That's awful of your DH. Sounds like a really difficult labour and then you still had to go through an emergency c section and recover from it.

You made the best choice for you and the baby. Say that to yourself, say it to him.

I despair of the utter shit women put up with, get some anger! Don't let him away with it, what an absolute monster of a man

Sorry? You'd been in labour for THREE DAYS and he thinks you took the "easy option"? FFS I've heard it all now.

Enjoy your beautiful baby who you delivered safely. Nothing else matters x

This is really awful comment to make. He sounds nasty.

Another one saying he is a fucking arsehole. I had both a natural birth and a c-section and I can assure you that the c-section was certainly not ‘the easy way’. Recovery from the natural birth was so much easier too.

My husband had the same views and it really affected me at the time as I questioned if I did the right thing, even though I knew it was the only way both of us would survive. That was the start of the atrocious downward spiral that became my life. He is now an ex-husband. Unfortunately it took me three years to leave the abusive man. 4 years post separation and I am still trying to heal from the trauma he caused. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Leave him!

Came to agree with so many others - your DH is bang out of order making those comments.

Also came to say, 44% of people have voted that YOU are being unreasonable?! 44%????!!!!! Are people reading a different post to me?! Would love one of those 44% to enlighten me on how yabu?!…..

You and.your baby are alive and well. So you made the right decision. That is absolutely the only thing that matters. The type of birth you had is completely irrelevant.

I had an emergency section with my first and then a natural birth with my second. The natural birth was by far the easiest experience.

Do not give it a second thought. You did what you needed to do in the moment and all is (or will be, once you've recovered) well.

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby.

This!! What a moron!

I voted that the OP was being unreasonable because she "feels disappointed in herself". I don't get what there is to be disappointed about.

this.

You had 3 days of labour and a c section and he dared to use the words "easy option" to you! I'd fucking throw him out the window. Oh wait, you can't because you've had major abdominal surgery and are caring for a newborn.

He needs to be told very clearly that he did absolutely NONE of the incredible hard work it took to produce this child and if he has any notion of any of it being easy, he needs to go back to the factory for a reset.

And by the way I wish to god - as does my dh - that I had been offered a c section when I was in your circumstances in my first labour. Instead I had a 4th degree tear, a major bleed, retained products and nearly died. Had my subsequent children by c section. You made the right choice.

I hope this is just ignorance/lack of sleep on the part of your husband but it makes him sound really nasty.

This kind of shit makes me so angry. I'm sick of all the threads about striving for a natural birth like it's fecking perfection. And feeling bad and apologetic for not achieving it.
Giving birth to a healthy baby is a fucking miracle. No matter how that baby arrives.
Full stop.

OP you have a baby.

Your husband is a prick. Honestly, without hesitation, I say to you: tell him to back off or fuck off out the door.

I feel so sad reading this. You are at the start of parenthood with so much ahead, yet the road ahead is so predictably unhappy with this piece of shit. You'll come out the other end years down the line and be OK but please, just consider the years you will waste, you and your child, on this awful man.

After almost 570 replies on a thread by a poster who has never posted before about a sensitive subject and hasn’t returned, we might want to wait for the OP to return.

I’m not at all saying OP is a troll. I’m just saying it might be better to wait for OP to add something at this point.

I haven't read what every one else has said and I've put you're being unreasonable...the reason for this is you are doubting yourself amd you shouldn't do that! You have said you were exhausted, the baby was having dips, there was problems with the placenta. All of this means you made the right choice for you at the time. I say this as a mum who has had both natural amd c section deliveries. C section is NOT the easy option, recovery is bloody hard and the section itself is scary. The main thing is you are both here and both safe....congratulations!
Also dh is being a tw4t! No uterus no opinion! Tell him when he can go through all that he has a say, until then pipe down

My first was born by crash section and had to be resuscitated at birth, it hadnt crossed my mind that I could end up with a c section especially in such a rush and worrying about my daughter surviving. C section is sometimes the safest way to bring a baby into the world there is nothing to feel ashamed/disappointed about. I have since had two natural births, you may be able to give a natural birth another go if it's something you really want to do, but please choose another father, kick him really hard in the bollocks, thats worse than birth apparently 🙄

WOW! I know it's easier said than done especially with a brand new baby but fuck me I would be packing his bags so fast...disrespectful see you en tea!

OP you deserve better. Do not have another baby with this man. He’s a fucking tool.

My husband slept on the floor next to my hospital bed to ensure he could do all the care for our DD. He didn’t let me lift a finger once I got out of hospital as he said my job was to recover. He also kisses my scar and tells me how much he appreciates what I went through to give us our daughter.

I had to have an emergency cat2 c-section at 31 weeks due to a placental abruption. It was touch and go. My DC was in an intensive care baby unit for 2 months and I lost a lot of blood.

I could have died and so could have DC. My DH did everything in the early days as I was in hospital recovering and couldn't lift anything, had to take injections and tablets to help with recovery. It was a scary and stressful time. I think if he'd told me it was the easy option I'd have left him!!! Not that he would.

I just can't believe how callous your DH is being. JFC. You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. I'm shocked by this. Take care of yourself and your baby xx

Ahh, ok. See I read it as “Am I being unreasonable for expecting more emotional support and did I make the wrong decision.”
Different perspectives I guess

I hope you read this OP.

Your husband is a misogynist. Really. His comment absolutely disgusts me. If a man said that to me, I think I'd leave him because it shows who they really are. I feel so sorry for you.

I think some men think that childbirth is some kind of gym workout, rather than the life altering, painful and dangerous thing it can be. They therefore think they can pass judgement when women 'take the easy option out', as if they've cheated in a marathon by taking a shortcut. It says so much about him that he thinks he has the authority and right to judge you, when he himself will never have to go through it.

Linked to this is the idea that women should suffer, as some kind of badge of honour. Hundreds of years ago, Christians believed that women suffered during childbirth as a punishment for Eve's sins, and I think many have no come out of that mindset. They think you should suffer as some kind of atonement, and are disappointed when they don't think you have. Unplanned c-sections in particular are no easy ride. Even planned ones are serious operations.