C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

C section an easy option? Not for me it wasn’t. I had a traumatic emergency C-section after two days in labour and failed ventouse and forceps. I took 10 weeks to recover. I initially felt disappointed about the C-section, but my husband only ever reassured me that our baby had been delivered in a way to keep us both safe.

I mean I think your husband is a dick for thinking that.

But why do you also feel disappointed in yourself for having a CS? You can't really be annoyed at him if you feel the same about yourself???

As someone who has had both a vaginal delivery and a c-section birth experience, I can tell you hand on heart that the vaginal birth was easier. Recovery was quicker and I was back on my feet a lot easier. Both were hard but to say that a c-section is an easy option is an absolute joke. Major abdominal surgery after an intense induction no less! He should be ashamed of himself.
Congratulations on your new baby. I'm sorry you didn't have the birth experience you wanted but don't think for one minute you did anything wrong or less. You created and brought new life into this world! Your body needs to heal after surgery. He is the disappointment for such shit comments 😒

I echo what everyone seems to be saying
Haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has been covered, but it's unclear what the right YABU/YANBU question is IYSWIM- so although it looks like posters have voted 50/50, that's definitely not the case.
Without doubt you did no wrong in having a C section (can't believe I'm even having to write that).
Entirely up to you even if everything was going medically well and you weren't completely shattered.
As it was, it was after a horrifically exhausting lead up for you.
I'm so sorry, your husband sounds awful- I would find this very hard to come back from and I hope you have some good people you can turn to (and you can always offload/rant/get advice on here!)
Sending an unmumsnetty hug.

You've just brought a baby safely into the world. You've done it brilliantly. Well done and congratulations.

congratulations on baby. Wishing you a good recovery. Try to relax and take it easy. C section is in no way the easy way out so not sure why your hubby is saying that. Yes it’s difficult relying on everyone else but trust me it gets easier. The first few weeks are critical and you need to rest and take it easy. After that it gets easier as you can move about much better. Don’t let what the hubby thinks stop you resting.
new borns are hard and men don’t get it. If this isn’t his usual behaviour maybe his tired and worried. It should all be about your recovery and the baby

The quote above sums it up. Your 'D'H is unbelievable!! What a bloody cheeky B**ard! Surely he must realize there was a risk to you and your DD.

If my DH ever referred to major abdominal surgery I'd had to safely deliver our child as the easy option they'd be no more bloody children with him ever if I'm honest. He's a dick

It’s easy to look back now n think woulda coulda shoulda, but in the moment, the only time that it mattered, you did what you had to do.

Enjoy your child, don’t feel guilty.

How was your husband after he tried pushing a melon out his penis? Hope he didn't take the easy option and his recovery went fine op 🤦🏻‍♀️
Congratulation on the birth of your dd btw 😊😊

Congratulations on the birth of your first child OP 💕

I’m sorry to say but your husband needs to take a long hard look at himself, ask him how he would feel if something had gone wrong had you not had a caesarean? You did the right thing and your DD is here safe and well. Focus on that.

I'd be feeling disappointed too. Disappointed to realise I had a massive ignorant twat for a husband. CS is major abdominal surgery and is most definitely NOT the "easy way out."

How dare he treat you like this?You made the right decision for you and for baby and if he has any more unhelpful remarks to make I'd tell him to fuck off.

This !
it’s is not the ‘easy’ option
its major surgery and your baby needed to be born or there could have been even more serious consequences

This. With bells on.
So sorry you're feeling this well. Please look after yourself x

I voted you are BU because you are to blame yourself. You did what was best for your body and your baby at the time.

As for your husband is he usually this much of a twat? Major abdominal service is hardly an easy option.

Its funny because I had my first baby via emergency c section after 24 hours of traumatic induced labour that went wrong. I had my second via elective c section to avoid the complications with the first. The first baby I felt no guilt at all with, the second I really felt guilty that I didn't try to have him via VBAC even though I know there was a risk of the complication recurring. I don't know why we feel that guilt but we do sometimes. That said, having had 2 sections, I can categorically tell you that your husband is an idiot, you have no need to feel guilty and c sections are absolute not the easy way out! Anyone who says they are needs a kick to the head because they're brutal and my body has changed irreparably due to them (not that I mind obviously). The next time he mentions about only blaming you for the difficulties you have full permission to kick him in the nuts and tell him he only has himself to blame for making stupid comments. Prick.

Wonder what your awful tactless opinionated husband would have done if he had been the woman giving birth? You made the correct decision in the circumstances, without a shadow of a doubt.

Pregnancies after a C-section are “high risk”? News to me. I had two C-sections and no one said anything about a high risk pregnancy when I was pregnant with my second daughter. My OB/GYN didn’t say a third pregnancy would be high-risk, either, just that I no longer had the option of a vaginal birth if I had a third baby.

No one gets a gold medal in motherhood for having a vaginal birth. Your husband needs to realize that a healthy mother and a healthy baby is a good outcome, no matter how the baby came out. Congratulations on your baby.

I'm not voting because I don't agree with either option being the only option for your query.

I am however going to pick up on this comment that you wrote @Lessonsinchemistry6 "DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties"

As someone who had a C-Section birth first and then on my subsequent children had vaginal births, I find this comment offensive. Having major abdominal surgery is never an 'easy option'. It reeks of ignorance of a medical situation. I had to go through a C-Section birth with a spinal block because my doctors discovered muconium in the waters and I had to have it in order to save my baby's life and to a secondary degree, me.

For someone who is supposed to be in your corner and cheering you on throughout your pregnancy and subsequent birth, your DH is a real dick here.

Having a C-Section should never be a disappointment. Your DH however is a major disappointment to the male species for his comments to you.

I he to have an emergency section. It doesn't matter it means my son is here.

Your husband is a dick. A section is NOT an easy option. I have had babies been both ways.

Im so sorry he's being like this and it's not helping. It is parenting.

Just to echo what others have said.

You are amazing, your body has grown and brought a live human into this world. It is OK to feel disappointed that the delivery of your baby didn't go as expected, this is an unfortunate result of women being given high expectations with regards to pain relief. The pressure to have a 'natural delivery' is, simply put, unrealistic in many situations. But allow yourself to work through those feelings because they are yours and you are entitled to them.

What is not OK is that your husband, rather than reassuring you, is belittling you and making you feel that you are somehow a failure. What an awful awful man for treating you like this when he should be there to support and tell you how wonderful you are for giving him a child.

For now look after yourself. Don't let him get away with not stepping up to parent his child and look after you as you recover. Long term perhaps evaluate whether this is someone you can trust to have your back going forward.

Taking the easy option? How fucking DARE he?!?! What a dick.

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.

What a massive BELL!!

THREE days of labour and then having your stomach muscles sliced open is the EASY OPTION?!!

Just wow, OP.

I'd be telling him to stick his 'disappointment' right up his judgemental arsehole!

I clicked you were being unreasonable - to yourself. Sounds like you did the best you could in very difficult situation. Well done you! It is your dh that is making very unkind comments rather than supporting you in the way he should. Congratulations on your baby!

Poor lamb, is he disappointed that he needs to care for you and baby slightly more than his hope of 'zero' in the first few weeks as you had MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY?