C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

My first son born via Emergency CS. Very similar story, I was already hallucinating after 71hrs pain. Second - planned CS. You wouldn't believe how many times I got questioned because of my decision. Honestly - it was the best decision in my life. Great recovery, no mental health issues, etc. Your husband is a dick. He should try to deliver baby through his penis.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, OP. You have made the first of many difficult and stressful decisions when it comes to your child's wellbeing and safety, and you've made a good one. You'll be a great mum.

Your husband sounds dreadful

I think your DH needs to recalibrate. C sections are common and not the worst or most disappointing or hardest-to-come-to-terms-with outcomes by a long way!

You DH is being a bastard either because he is tired and can’t be arsed to get up and help you. Or because he is misogynistic and thinks he shouldn’t have to help & so begrudges it.

Either way, he needs to step up and shut up.

on top of that, yes, you’re at prime baby blues time. That’s why you’re beating yourself up. I speak from experience, I’m sat here feeding my second baby, 5 weeks old, - i picked apart both births about 4-5 days in . Even with my second - which was just about as perfect as I could have wanted.

you made your decision, it was what you thought best at the time, you can’t change It. Your baby is here, is fine. So put it out of your mind now. It’s the baby blues talking, I promise.

get a birth debrief asap from a midwife. Again, speaking from experience, I promise this is Majorly helpful. Took me 3.5 years to have one. I now wish I’d had one 3.5 weeks or months after my birth

Your DH is nasty. Have you anyone else close to you that can help you so you can tell your DH to stay away and stop being a nasty prick to you.

While you still have some contact with the clinical team who delivered your baby, note down exactly your horrible husband's "concerns". All of them, in detail - even those he should be embarrassed to repeat. Get a doctor or midwife to look at them and address them. Then show him that he is talking pure shite.

I am so shocked at his awful behaviour, OP.

He said you took the easy way out? Is he for real? Tell him to push an apple (and remind him how much smaller that is then the watermelon we push out) into his back side and push it out then under go surgery to have his abdomen sliced open, insides jiggled about and sewn back up then he can tell you what he thinks is an easy way out.

The most important part of child birth isn't how baby enters the world it's about the health and safety of both mum and baby. Your "D"H is vile and I am sorry that at your most vulnerable he has shown you what an 🍑he is

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties

I mean, coming from someone whose chief role in the production of a newborn was a single orgasm, that's bloody rich!

Your husband is a bastard. I can’t believe what I’ve just read!
No birth is easy and a c-section is certainly not the easy way out. It’s major abdominal surgery!
I second other posters suggestions about requesting a birth reflections meeting if your hospital offers this, my friend recently had one and found it really useful to understand what happened and why.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby, I hope you have plenty of other people around you to help.

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.

I think you need to make a GP appointment to talk through the birth and to take your husband with him. My GP is brilliant and would make him wish he'd never been born.

I had the exact same experience in January. I was induced early, after 2 days and not much happening I requested a c section. I’d have been furious if my husband said that I had taken the easy option!!

I really wanted a vaginal birth as the recovery from a c section terrified me and also the actual process of being awake while they cut you open did too! No way is it the easy option… there is no easy option for birth I don’t think.

"AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision."

Yes! You are correct in your thinking, in that, you should expect more emotional support - your husbands comments are unkind and unhelpful to say the least, and,
No! You did not make the wrong decision; you made the decision you honestly felt was right at a moment in time when the odds were stacking up against you and you were at your most vulnerable.

Why on Gods green earth would you feel one bit disappointed in yourself when the decision you made means ye are currently mum and dad to a happy healthy baby? The arrival of your baby is a joyous thing - do not let anyone spoil that for you.

Absolutely this!!

I’ve only read your post and not anyone else’s comments but I imagine mine are similar to the other 20 pages.
Disappointed in you??? Tell him to go fucking fuck himself, preferably up the arse with something watermelon size that has a bomb in it. Then tell him, after 3 days, the fucking watermelon bomb might fucking explode at any given moment and could damage him and everyone around him. Then tell him to make a sensible decision on how he would like the watermelon removed. Then tell him to fuck off again.
Easy option. Prick.

Congratulations on the SAFE arrival of your baby.

That's all that matters..amazing Mum and baby are safe.

I really don't want to comment on the arsehole father of your child.....well I do but I'll say no more.

You poor husband. He didn't get the chance to see his wife suffering longer than she needed to.

See how utterly psycho it looks when written like that?

* I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties.*

This is all I needed to read to know that your DH is an absolute dick, OP, absolute dick.

You are being unreasonable if you don't pull him up sharply on his comments, and if they don't stop, I'd tell him to pack a bag and get to fuck.

Your husband is a cunt.
C sections are not the easy way out.
Maybe suggest to him to stay awake for 3 days then have major surgery on his abdomen and see how he feels. What a wanker.
You and baby are here safe. That is more important than anything or would your husband rather you had a vaginal birth and baby died?

I felt very disappointed with myself the first few days PP after requesting a section after a not great induction. When the fog cleared a bit, I could see it was absolutely the right decision, like it sounds like it was for you.

My husband absolutely did not criticise me in anyway though and yours is being an absolute dick. I’m not sure how you’ll forgive this.

All the best with your newborn

Was his lobotomy the easy option? It’s the only explanation I can think of for this level of dickheadery.
Show that baby of yours what self respect looks like and LTB.

Please remind your husband that before medical intervention like c sections were a thing, women and children died in childbirth. Often.

Your husband sounds like an ill-informed idiot. Please ignore him, I don't know why he thinks his half baked ideas are superior to those of medically trained professionals.

Easy option? Give him a metaphorical slap from me.

My mum was in labour for 3 days with me. Unfortunately, she'd gone into labour a fortnight early and her gynae was on annual leave.

He got back on the 3rd day and was dismayed that his colleague hadn't given Mum a caesarian. By then, it was too late and Mum had to have an episiotomy and I was removed by forceps. We nearly died.

Your husband is an idiot. Thank goodness you got the caesarian in time.

Inductions are a statistical shitshow. I chose to have an elective c section over an induction as I wasn't going to put me or baby through a brutal, chemically induced labour that was likely to end in a c section anyway. Not after recurrent miscarriage.

I would never have forgiven myself if my longed-for baby had suffered a birth injury all because of a stupid notion around vaginal delivery being the best.

If I had gone into labour naturally where the statistics around successful vaginal deliveries are better, then it would have been different. But the choice I made felt safest in my situation.

I think it was in yours too