C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

OP asked if she was being unreasonable to feel disappointed in herself, and of course she is. If she had asked "AIBU to think my husband is being a total dickhead" she would have 100% YANBU.

My husband had major abdominal surgery early last year. It took him 3 months to recover and he is in no way precious about things. He openly said that he is astounded how people think a c section is an easy way out! No baby in tow either. I had to do everything for the first 6 weeks including helping him dress and wash in the first few days after hospital. It's what you do in a loving and supporting relationship.

I am astounded at what I have read OP. When you have recovered and bonded with your lovely baby then you can do so much better.

It’s because of how she worded it…those people are probably voting that she is BU for feeling like she “failed” by giving birth by C-section…

Is this just the latest stick to beat you with op?

Behaviour like this doesn't come out of nowhere.

I hope that the people who voted YABU did so because YABU to be disappointed by having a c-section. OP if you don’t judge others for having a c-section then you need to stop judging yourself for having one. It is honestly pure luck and nothing you did or didn’t do. 💐 You and the baby are safe and that’s all that matters

Who the hell would think a c section is the easy way out. Absolutely it is not! I’ve had 5 vaginal births and one c section and I’ll tell everyone always that the c section was the hardest for me . Your husband sounds like a bellend.

This a thousand times.
My ex blamed me for the emergency C-section for my first born. It did not get better

Please show him this thread. He should be ashamed. Congratulations on the safe arrival of your lovely baby.

I had a vaginal delivery of a 10lb baby 2 years after an EMCS. Don't assume you can't do it next time. What matters with this birth is you and baby are both with us and safe. I found the recovery hard, so many people told me how easy their recovery was but they weren't the ones who had laboured for days and had an EMCS, a planned one seems very different.

Your husband is being horrible and he should be celebrating the safe delivery of your baby.

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby girl. That’s all that matters. There is no right or wrong way to give birth. Your baby is alive, as are you, and that’s the best outcome anyone can hope for. And as for a c-section being the easy option, it’s major surgery ffs. And you’re expected to care for a baby at the end of it. Your husband sounds like an absolute twat, so I feel sorry for you in that respect. What a loser. You are not less of a woman just because you didn’t have a vaginal birth, and I hope after your hormones settle down, you will see this. This is coming from someone who has had 2 c-sections .

So you followed medical advice and made an informed decision that kept you and your baby safe and well.

What the fuck is your husband disappointed about??? Shocking. It’s not about easy or hard options. There are NO EASY OPTIONS when it comes to birthing a child. All that matters is safety and wellbeing of everyone involved.

Your hormones are all over the place and this is way way way too early for you as a mum to think anything whatsoever about how this has all gone. Please talk to someone irl about what your husband is saying to you and how you are processing all of this- if you continue to hold this mindset it won’t serve you well at all. You have done absolutely everything you should have and have a healthy baby as a result, and an ok recovery for you, that you will survive and thrive again following it. That is what the best possible outcome of birth is. It’s not about what happened and there’s no right or wrong. It’s about getting a good outcome for all. And you have done that op. Best of luck to you xxxx

I honestly can't believe what I've just read!

Unbelievable the front of some men.

I'd ignore the score on your AIBU. We have all interpreted your question differently but the comments are unanimous. Your husband is a complete dick and I would take the advice of a poster up thread who suggested you voice your upset to other female relatives.

I've done both with a multi day labour ending in an EMCS and neither were a fun day out.

I hope you start to feel better soon, the first week is the worst even with meds to help field the kicked in the stomach feeling. Congratulations on your new baby, try and park the behaviour of your husband to one side for now. You've done incredibly well getting this child here safely by the sound of things.

Last thing. Ask for a post delivery review with a senior midwife. They will go through the notes with you and explain the sequence of events. I had mine nearly two years down the line when I was pregnant with No2. It was only then did it register with me that my baby was back to back with an anterior pelvis presentation. There are continuous references by nurses and obstetricians in my notes citing a narrow pelvis and difficulty establishing how dilated I was [not]. In retrospect it was so obvious this was going to end in a C-section. 3 days in it was a total blur

Your husband is vile. Can you get some other family support for a while. You've been through so much. He should be putting you on a pedestal for everything you've gone through so that he could have a family. Is he abusive in other ways?

OP I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve gone through, I was induced and would have had a c section in a heartbeat if there had been any indication that baby was in distress. Inductions are often incredibly long and draining and many many women end up needing a c section. You did the best thing for yourself and your baby in the situation you were in.

Im so sorry you’re not getting the love and support you should be. I’d tell your husband that if he wants to continue in your and your babies life, he needs to have a long think about what he’s said and how he’s supported you. May I suggest you let your family/feiends, midwife or health visitor know and ask for their support.

Oh this has made me irrationally angry.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section Why do you feel disappointed? Does that mean you judged other women who had c-sections before you? I don't understand how you can be disappointed.

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties

I had a previous full-term stillbirth so opted for a c-section next time. Would he say to me that I took the 'easy option'? Fucking asshole that he is.

Any man who thinks that having major abdominal surgery is 'the easy option' is a fucking idiot
^^
THIS

I have had both a natural birth and an emergency c section - this c section is most certainly not the easy option. The recovery with a c section is brutal. Make sure you are resting and your husband is pulling his weight!

You have every right to whatever feelings you have @Lessonsinchemistry6 . I don't think you took the easy way, I think you reached a place where you were navigated some unexpected hard and worrying news about your baby's health and you were scared and decided on a different plan for health care, one that honestly you may have ended up with anyway. It is not a bad choice to have a c-section under your circumstances.

As for your husband? I'm having a hard time putting nice words on the screen. It is absolutely diabolical what he has said and you deserve so so much better and far more supportive and encouraging words.

Welcome to parenting.

It's ok to mourn the birth you thought you would be getting. Many, many mums hope for a gentle, normal birth, but for many, that's not to be. You didn't take an "easy option". Not sure what one of those even is, aside from not having children at all. You listened to the advice of the medics around you and made choices based on their knowledge and experience.

Your child will continue to put you in situations you'd rather not be in. And your child will make choices you don't always agree with. And as a parent you'll muddle through.

If you find yourself dwelling on the maybes, your hospital may offer a birth reflection service so that you can understand your situation and be informed as to how future pregnancies and births may be.

Congratulations. Enjoy your little one. And remind your DH you're recovering from major abdominal surgery.

Disappointed in yourself?! I had two c sections what kind of disappointment does that make me in people’s eyes.

DH sounds a catch though.

Look you took the best option for your baby not in anyway and easy option. Your husband needs his head wobbling.
As for subsequent births being high risk not really true. Labour is called a Trial on Scar and following my emergency c section I tried to find out all I could and it would appear that the scar is the strongest part of the uterus and my second baby was a vaginal birth all straight forward and would have been about 3 and a half hours but for an anterior rim.
Get your husband to read the replies here for a reality check.

@Lessonsinchemistry6 you and your baby are alive and well. Without the C-section, one or both of you might not be. So, you made the right call.

When it's your husband's turn to be pregnant and give birth, he can choose his birth choices then.

Until then, he should be bloody grateful his wife and child are alive. Many men aren't so lucky.

WTAF? My god! Your baby was in distress. You were labouring for three days. And you ended up with a healthy baby. Softly to you OP - but your attitude needs to be addressed. You should be thanking your lucky stars for modern medicine. Not harkening after some ideal of ‘natural birth’.

in more harsh terms - you dh needs to get over himself promptly. When he’s had major surgery after three days of pushing… and brought a living healthy human being into the world… then I ll listen to his opinions on easy option.

i have a friend who lost his wife and child in similar circumstances op. He’d give his life to have had the option of a c section.

OP I just wanted to add to this that I desperately didn't want another CS, I found the recovery much harder than after a vaginal delivery. My 10lb baby had a horrible forceps delivery. I felt very guilty about that because I was offered a planned CS and he could have had an easier journey into this world, when I got upset the midwife said he was here and safe and the bruises would heal and all would be well. She was right. Very few of us have a perfect delivery, I did with my first which set a high standard for the others which all had their own difficulties. The thing they all had in common was I had healthy babies. That i s a blessing and I am thankful for that.

Stay strong, your husband has no idea what he's talking about and really should shut up.

I put you are being unreasonable. Because you are - unreasonable to doubt yourself and your actions and to accept that kind of abuse from that man.