C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

Your DH is an absolute dick and I'd sooner leave him than have another child with him

"I know my husband is disappointed in me..."

Did he offer to push the baby out himself? Does he have a uterus? Did he experience the pain that comes with it all? He doesn't get to feel disappointed. He needs to show his support, praise you for what you've gone through, wait on you hand and foot, OR STFU!.
And that's me being very polite.

Please do not have another baby with this prick. You've just had a baby so not going to tell you to LTB. But make a note of all the things he's saying so once you're out of this stage you can remember what a lovely husband he is and then consider whether you still want to be married to that.

Sorry but I'm livid reading this!

I had 2 c sections & even though my exh was an absolute arse I am now divorced from he never made me feel guilty for having them

They are not easy to have or recover from, there's a lot of misconceptions with the whole too posh to push debacle

It doesn't bode well but make sure you look after yourself & good luck with the recovery

Second all of this. I had my daughter after 3 unexplained miscarriages. Although I had a birth plan, I was totally clear that I was not having a "process" or any kind of idealised scenario. I was having a baby, and I wanted her delivered safely (by last-ditch ventouse before probable emergency cs, as it turned out, because she was getting into distress). Your 'd'h should focus on the fact that, despite being in a high-risk scenario, he has seen his wife and his baby come through it without too much damage. CS is major abdominal surgery and no-one's version of "the easy option". He can cop himself on. My patience would run out very quickly.💐

Disproving the Myth That C-Sections Are the Easy Way Out - Motherly

I'm sorry he's spoiling what should be a very proud and precious time for you.

You made the absolute best decision you could - and it was the right one. You're alive and your baby is alive. You don't know that that's true for the option you didn't take. Starting to labour after 3 days of the process and with placenta problems and heart dips sounds like a really stupid idea to me and I can't think why anyone would risk that.

Let your husband be in labor for three days and then he can decide to have a vaginal birth. He's out of order and has no right to judge you.

Congratulations on your baby, OP. Look after yourself, and allow yourself time to recover.

I don't think I've ever said this on Mumsnet, othe than jokingly, but please, when you are strong and well enough, consider leaving this man (LTB). He is absolutely awful, and has no care for your health or welfare. You and your baby deserve so much better.

"DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties." - A C section is absoolutely NOT the easy option, and it sounds like you made the best choice available for both you and your baby at the time.

Many people are left in pain and with birth injuries after vaginal birth too - (https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/blooming-the-truth-about-pregnancy-isnt-so-rosy-mz79qq8lx) so there is never a guarantee that birth OR recovery will be difficulty free. He really is a dick.

There's no easy option. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment. Don't be so hard on yourself. You made it through, you are safe and you have your baby in your arms, you've done a great job.

Your husband is bang out of order and id make sure I let him know he is.

All this.

Pregnancy can be bad enough by the time you get to delivery .... But he didn't experience any of that, did he?

Nor did he experience any of the labour, and never will.

He is an absolute idiot and quite a bastard.

Subsequent deliveries?
With him??

Did you have a de-brief after your c section? I had one after they had seen me up so if you didn’t book one in with the hospital.

Having had the recovery after a vaginsl birth and a c section I have no clue why anyone would put themselves through the c section pain if they didn’t need to. Anyone saying it’s an easy option has no clue. To be fair your husband has no clue and is coming across as a complete twat. You made a choice based upon advice to try and get the best outcome for your baby - both being alive. I’m so sorry you are married to this idiot.

Oh love, this isn't fair at all. You've done the right thing for your baby's health, in a scary situation, and all you deserve now is love and care and support. I'm really sorry you're not getting that from the person who should be first in line to do it.

I've had two births: a pain-relief-free, 'all natural' water-birth and a C-section. I'm mentioning this because I can tell you that the first was considerably easier (both at the time and, especially, during the recovery process). Both times, I did what seemed best in those circumstances at the time, for myself and my babies, with the full, unwavering support of my partner.

If he's normally a kind, supportive man, I think he needs someone to point out that this is out of order and he needs to sort it out sharpish. If he isn't, I think you need to seek support from other people and take some time to work out where you go from here. But the main thing for now is taking care of yourself and your baby, and please don't feel any guilt at all. Your baby is safe and well and here, and that's the only thing that really matters.

Your husband is disappointed in you for giving birth to your daughter?

Is he pissed off because he has to help you with things that you might have been able to do had you not had a CS?

He's disgusting.

you and your baby are alive - there isn't an "easy" option in childbirth and your dh should be made aware of his total ignorance and naive view of the whole process.

I had an emergency c section and then went on to have a VBAC with number 2 pregnancy, even though she was back to back and a forceps delivery it was much easier than an emergency section.

Who knows what the future holds but one thing is for sure and that is your dh isn't planning on his own, stupid fool

Disappointed in you?? YOU carried his baby for 9 months, went though THREE days of induction - which is tiring and horrible in itself - been there done that and then made a decision that was best for both you and your baby - a very brave decision as well.

I went through a 3 day induction with DD with oxcytocin, waters being broken etc. etc. Towards the end they were trying to get me to have a c section but was so terrified by the whole idea I begged them for 10 more minutes during which time I dilated from 2 to 9cm - probably through sheer will power. She popped out pretty quickly after that Looking back I feel horrendous that I potentially risked DD because I was terrified of anyone cutting into me, in horrendous pain and irritational.

Congratulations you are a mother to a lovely baby and you made the right choices to bring your DC safely into the world

Your h has made the list of partners on here I've fantasised about beating around the head repeatedly ... And in other more sensitive areas.

Fucking hell - your husband is a cruel and nasty fucker.

It’s great that medical science was able to deliver the baby safely and ensure your good health. There is nothing that you should be disappointed by. You’ve been through a terrible hard time and it’s great that you and the baby are safe.

I’ve anecdotally read that planned c-sections are a much better experience than emergency c-sections so if you have future babies then don’t worry about asking for one. However I suggest that you don’t have any more babies with your piece of shit husband who is taking the piss saying that you took the easy option when it sounds anything but.

It’s luck whether or not a woman has a vaginal birth (I suggest that you stop using natural birth as c-sections aren’t unnatural) and I am pleased that medical science allowed you and your baby to be healthy and safe.

btw your h is doing the bare minimum. He’s not helping - all parents are doing that stuff, especially while the mother is recovering.

Your ‘D’H is one nasty person!! I’ve laboured and then had to have a c-section as my birth didn’t progress, I was desperate to birth ‘naturally’ but I had to save mine and my baby’s life. The section was not my first choice BUT I tell you now it was not the easy option at all. He needs to stop driving you down OP and you need to stand up for yourself.

Sorry I haven’t read the full thread but seriously…..
Would he actually rather your baby was put at risk by not having a section???? Did he do three days of labour
i would be absolutely furious and I don’t think I could get past this.

how dare he say that to you after what you have been through- be careful that you are it buying into the natural birth at any cost crap!!
you have a healthy live baby, it could have been different and he should remember that.

If he's normally a kind, supportive man

Id bet a reasonable amount of money that he's not.

Op is probably a boiled frog.

The fact that he actually opened his mouth and said that shows what the dynamic in their relationship is.

Oh fuck off how is having a c-section the easy option?

I had my son 8 weeks ago, I had a vaginal birth but everyone else in the ward had a c-section and my goodness the pain some of them were in. Your DH should be taking care of you during your recovery and he should also be in awe of you for growing his baby and birthing her!!

You should be in awe of yourself too for bringing your baby safely into the world.

take care of yourself 💐

What a fucking dickhead. I've never said this before but LTB. C section is not an easy way out! If you had chosen no c section and your daughter had become distressed and the worst had happened what would he have said then!! Let him be in pain with no sleep for days and see what he decides.

What an absolute fucking pig your husband is. I'd leave him over this. Wanker.

I can’t believe the amount of people who have voted YABU. I can confidently say they are all idiots.
YADNBU. You made the best choice for you and your child and I’m sorry, how is a C section an easy option, it’s literally surgery cutting right through your abdomen?!
Your husband is being absolutely horrendous and this for me would make me question my relationship - I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this right after having a baby. Lots of good thoughts your way, I hope you have more support than your ‘D’H

In my first pregnancy, I remember wandering whether a C Section would be the easy option. After the baby was born, as I wandered happily up and down the ward carrying her and saw the post C-section mothers really struggling, I knew for certain that it wasn't. You had all that on top of three days' exhausting attempts at induction

Tell your husband that if he thinks surgery is so easy, if or when he needs it you will expect to see him the day after doing all the housework in between going out for 10 mile runs. That, or begging you for forgiveness.

Ummm, why would a man or anyone else care how the baby was delivered? You have a healthy baby. End of story. If my husband tried that on me he’d be kicked out for good. What kind of misogynistic rubbish is that all about? What a weirdo.