C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

Wow, that's two of my major triggers in one post

I HATE that women feel "guilty" for having a c section. FFS. Giving birth is bloody dangerous, not to mention hard. Think about your delivery - if this was 200 years ago, would your baby even be alive? I can tell you that my emergency C-section DD would 100% have died or been brain damaged. In fact, if I hadn't been in the hospital being induced, even in this day and age, there's a very good chance she'd have been brain damaged.

and I HATE even MORE that men think they have a say. I am actually incandescent with rage on your behalf.

Oh I am so sorry, OP. This is an extremely vulnerable time for you, and you deserve better than this. I am sending you my admiration and congratulations!

This! Would he'd rather you'd insisted on continuing in labour for three days and ended up losing your baby, (or even your own life) and/or a dreadful prolapse or fistula? (Not that the hospital would have let you, but this is where such thinking is heading.)

You did the right thing. Your baby is important. You are important. He is an A-hole.

I've had both types of birth - the C-section took much, much longer to recover from. It's not the "easy option".

sorry but there is no easy option. I bet your husband wouldn't last 5 minutes in labour. Please stand up for your self and tell him he is a dick, shape up or go

Congratulations on your gorgeous and healthy new baby.

You made the right decision to have the c section because a) you were putting your child’s health and well being first and b) your body was depleted and exhausted after a long non productive labour

If you had continued with the labour the chances are that either the baby, or you, or both of you, would have suffered life changing and devastating health issues. By opting for the section you prevented all of these possibilities, protecting both your own and your daughters future physical and emotional health.

You should be proud of yourself for making the right choice, parenthood involves making many choices and you have shown that unlike your insensitive and ignorant husband, you are able to weigh up situations and understand outcomes based on fact and information.

Gone for YABU but only because I think you should be giving yourself a massive break - you got yourself and your baby safely through labour, well done. Don't want to hijack but I nearly died giving birth so this really is a big deal!

Your husband needs a slap. He can have an opinion on whether a birth is 'easy' when he's capable of giving birth himself. Honestly, how dare he criticise you? I'm sorry he's such a bellend.

Congratulations on the arrival of your baby OP.

My oldest is 16 and after labouring for 3 days (baby was OP) and getting no further than 4cm I heard my DH advocate for me and insist they do a section as there was no way I'd have the energy to push a baby out if I magically got to 10cm anytime soon.

I did find that the section made me feel very weepy, in addition to the usual post natal stuff that we have to contend with. I found the whole experience hugely traumatic and it took a long time for me to get over it. I would have been devastated if my husband had accused me of taking the easy route!

Please take care of yourself, any birth is hard going and the aftermath is something that we're really not prepared for. It will take you a while to recover. Just so you know, I had our second baby two years later and pushed that one out myself with nothing more than gas! So just because you've had a section on this baby doesn't mean you'll have to do the same next time (if there is a next time)

Go easy on yourself and try to enjoy those early newborn snuggles when you can, they are the best medicine

I voted YABU for the same reason.

How about you offer to cut through 7 layers of his abdomin, stitch him back up and see how easy he finds it. I hate people who say it's the easy way out or oh, were you too posh to push. Only women would willing sign up to having themselves cut open for the good of someone else and only men would say its the easy way out. After most surgery people get rest and recovery time, after a c-section you are handed a life to look after. Your husband needs a change of attitude pronto.

I had an EMCS after pushing for 2 hours. I refused forceps and wondered afterwards if I’d made the wrong choice - some comments from frenemies made me think I’d failed.

So for the next one, I was determined to have a VBAC. Turns out I’m one of those women who would have died in childbirth before because the shape of my pelvis means they present at the wrong angle.

This time I agreed to forceps and my poor baby was pulled out with a bruised face. I was sliced from crack to crack and I have been left with chronic problems.

My children, thank fuck, are healthy and happy - but I hugely regret bowing to the fucking NCT bullshit about ‘natural’ births and not opting for a planned CS.

Giving birth is a natural process but it’s also a really dangerous one, and we are so fortunate to live in a country with free access to excellent medical care. Leaning on that expertise in moments of crisis to avoid death is not ‘the easy way out’ it’s incredibly sensible - and the perfect way to parent.

Until men get vasectomies with no pain relief they can fuck right off judging us.

Your husband sounds like a truly horrific human being. Have my first ever LTB.

Congratulations on your new arrival - I hope the two of you will be very happy.

It's so depressing reading on here the things that some men come out with. If men gave birth, the human race would be dying out.

I have had two C-sections. You don't really have a choice in the matter most of the time, it's about yours and your baby's safety.

In terms of it being the easy way out, I passed out with the pain while trying to have a shower after my DD was born. And was pretty much left alone for 2 nights in hospital trying to look after her. After my DS was born a few years later, I insisted on morphine before trying to stand up. I was still taking paracetamol and ibuprofen on rotation 2 weeks later just so I could function but it didn't really touch the sides. All my NCT friends were already doing laps of the park and coffee dates and I was bent double attempting to go to the loo and unable to lift my 11lb baby!

You have had major abdominal surgery and he should be in awe of your strength having to recover from this and learn to parent simultaneously. All so he carry on his biological legacy!

Until men get vasectomies with no pain relief they can fuck right off judging us.

Bliddy right!

Your DH is an absolute prick.

Arrange for a birth debrief appointment and take him along so he understands what happened during labour and why a CS was necessary. If he doesn’t apologise and say his attitude was wrong then I’d be seriously considering my future with such a man.

@Lessonsinchemistry6 just wait till he is tired after one sleepless night when you get that baby home!!! he should be supporting you and your baby was in distress!! baby would have also struggled with a labour after three days!!!

I’ve had one naturally and one via c-section - the c-section was absolutely NOT the easy option.

Tell your husband he’s being a total idiot who will thankfully never get to experience either kinds of birth and therefore is not entitled to an opinion on the matter.

Then enjoy newborn snuggles on the sofa!

Sorry @Lessonsinchemistry6 but your husband is being utterly awful! You did 100% the right thing and your baby is safely here. My DH is regularly a dickhead and pisses me off a lot, BUT when I had an EMCS he was in awe! Your husband should be kinder. 7 layers of stitches tell him, 7! Thinking of you, be kind to yourself Xxx

Why does your husband even get an opinion on your delivery method?

His opinion is irrelevant. Tell him to fuck off.

@Lessonsinchemistry6 argh your husband is being so unreasonable!!!

I had a planned c section with twins, never gave it a second thought because their safety was our priority. Would I have liked a natural birth, sure. Am I upset at the decision, never!

Please please please make sure someone who loves and supports you is around as recovery from C-section (and any birth I imagine!) is so hard xx

Does he know anything about anything? How awful. How ignorant. Do you have anyone else around you to support you in your recovery? Tell him to make his comments to someone else and see how they react. And show him this thread.

Come back later if you have any time to let us know how you’re feeling.

And WELL DONE MAMA! 🎉🥰

This. He's disappointed in you? He's a monumental bellend lacking in all empathy.

Congratulations on your baby. Wishing you the best for your recovery.

Your husband doesn't get to have an opinion on the way you birthed your baby. The bloody cheek. He needs to wind his neck in

Let's pretend that having a c-section is as easy as opening and closing a zip. The alternative is what it's always been.

I don't know anyone I hate enough to think they should take option 2, if option 1 was on the table. The easy option. What sort of fucking psychopath would want his wife to take the hard option? I want to kick him in the balls on OP's behalf.

Your husband is a prick

Not to mention the risk of hæmorrhage, sepsis, and brain damage (to mother and/or child). I wonder if DH really understood the medical issues.

Shake him up a bit. Make him watch Jed Mercurio's 'Bodies'.

and massive congratulations on your baby