I messed up. She won't speak to me now, wwyd?

[SullyW]

the woman i've been dating has gone silent on me after i apologised for some clumsy words i said during an argument. she's really sensitive, which i am glad for, but now i feel like i have to watch every word i say. it's like i'm always walking on eggshells, and it's really taking a toll on my self-esteem.

on the phone on Saturday night, we talked about how i behaved around her friends during a night out. i had a few drinks and made a joke that she didn't like, and she's been really tough on me about it. i made the mistake of saying, "i messed up again, didn't i? i want to die." she hung up on me.

i've been trying to see her since then, but she sent me a message saying that what i said wasn't okay, and now she won't respond to me. how do I show I'm sorry, it was a simple mess up and I don't think it's fair to go silent....

She has told you to leave her alone so please accede to that request.

It is manipulative and very unkind to threaten - please do not ever use it as a bargaining tool again.

Lots of us have had experience of intimate partners bullying us into remaining in a relationship. It is dreadful to be the recipient of threats and statements like yours.

Please could you explain the relevancy or otherwise of this question?

Good for her for having zero tolerance for manipulative shite.

I feel as though you're blaming her sensitivity for all your relationship issues....are you walking on egg shells because you're saying stupid stuff, which she is justifiably upset about

Why did you say you want to die? Did you want her to feel sorry for you? It's emotional blackmail and it it's not okay. Very sensible of her to walk away.

she sent me a message saying that what i said wasn't okay, and now she won't respond to me

She's told you she isn't happy with what youve said and she is making it clear she doesn't want to speak to you right now.

Show respect by giving her some space to figure out what she wants to do next.

So she's sensitive, but you're the one saying 'i want to die'?

Leave her alone and get some therapy. That is not okay to say to someone in an argument.

Is this about the poster whose partner said this when attending a wedding and meeting her friends for the first time?

Saying "i messed up again, didn't i? i want to die." - if you were serious about it, it means that if your partner criticises your behaviour you may kill yourself, who needs that level of trauma hanging over their head. If you didn't actually feel suicidal then you were either saying it to be manipulative or in a joking way, and evidently your partner doesn't feel comfortable with either of those options.

OP, you need to grow up a bit emotionally and take responsibility for how your behaviour affects others. It's not fair to say you want to die just because someone is upset by your behaviour. That's really adolescent emotional manipulation.

Learn how to manage your emotions and social behaviour, then start dating again.

At 17, after a minor argument, my then boyfriend said he felt suicidal and asked for support at hospital (in armed services).
I loved him but I would not be swayed, I was not responsible for him and was not willing to be blackmailed.
You used the wrong words. You made it about you and your feelings instead of acknowledging her feelings, apologising and then shutting your mouth?

OP it's such a weird and unsettling thing to say.
As you were together for 15 months I'd say it sounds like it was the last straw.

Were there disagreements or issues recently?

no disagreements before this but we have been stressed with workloads and that feels it had snuck into us

i dont know why i said what i said. it was a mistake and i was an idiot but to lost 15 months of good times is a bit shocking. as is going silent

I think you’re fixating on her “going silent” as if it justifies what you said. It doesn’t, and really, she’s made it clear why she doesn’t want to continue the relationship but you’re not accepting it - what else is she to do?

You can’t argue or bully her into taking you back, she could have ended the relationship for any reason, or no reason at all. That’s her right. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to accept her boundaries.

I’m sorry it’s not what you want, and I hope you can move on and find something that works out better for you.

Going silent is not shocking. You really need to check your sense of entitlement. You made an outrageous and embarrassing comment to work colleagues and then followed that up with emotional manipulation-that multiple people on this thread have told you is completely unacceptable in a relationship.

Your partner might just want a bit of space to process this side of you that they have seen. They don’t owe you anything. You’ve ballsed up hugely stop playing the victim here.

If your girlfriend posted here we would all be telling her to leave. No one would be telling her she is too sensitive or that it's a drama filled relationship. Think about that OP

' she said goodbye and hung up '

Good for her !!!

emotional blackmail is not acceptable - ever !

It sounds like she is setting healthy boundaries and you're being emotionally manipulative.

This. The onus here is on you to learn from this behaviour and not repeat it in another relationship, not for her to bend her boundaries and 'forgive' you. Those words would be a massive red flag for me and I would not be coming back.

You also broke a confidence by the sounds of things, so have not behaved well at all. She is well within her rights to decide not to speak to you any more.

This isn't a good relationship for either of you. You may want this to work but it isn't working.

Walk away

She has ended the relationship not just ghosted you and gone silent. She's told you that you crossed a line with your comment. All you can do is accept it and leave her alone

I would have done too.
I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who says things like that. It’s a red flag for manipulation and drama.
Just leave her alone and learn from this.

I"m afraid you crossed a line. You can't go back in time, and you can't make her take you back. The best thing now would be to do some serious self reflection and work out why you did it and what changes you can make to be sure you don't make the same mistake again.

It's not losing 15 months of good times though, dating is like an interview you're seeing if you are compatible yo each other until you move to the next round, and you didn't cut it this time.

Learn from this so next time you date someone you don't make the same mistakes.