Partner going on holiday with sister

[AnonymousB95]

My partner of 8 years is going away with his sister this year, the third year in a row. For context, they're incredibly close and since he moved out of the family home 3 years ago, have made going away together for a few days a yearly thing. She is about 14 years older, single, living at home and very successful.

Other than family, she doesn't have many friends or anyone to travel with. She organises and pays for everything on their trips so all he has to do is turn up.

I thought by now it wouldn't irritate me as much as did the first time, but it does. Am I in the wrong for feeling annoyed and somewhat, left out by this? I don't come from a family where I am close with my sibling so have never understood their relationship. She is a lot older and always seen him as a baby, and still does. They're in contact every day as he goes to her a lot for work issues/help.

These trips are usually pretty extravagant and I can't help but feel that as my partner we should be experiencing these things together. But I don't know if that's just selfish of me to say.

It's also irritating as I'm in the process of sorting a trip out for the 2 of us with no help from s/o. Then without warning, he puts in our joint diary he is going away with his sister. Which happened to be the exact dates I was also looking at.

He doesn't see the problem and thinks I'm unreasonable for being annoyed and should just be happy for her and him (as he would be for me). However, I feel as though sometimes her doing this is trying to 1 up me. My partner would never see it this way and it might just be my insecurities playing into it. But it sometimes makes me feel like he doesn't even need me in his life, the way he is treated by the women in his life (mums & sisters). Beyond these trips, they do a lot for him, buy him a lot of things etc.

Ultimately, I find the situation odd. Am I overacting?

How are you funding your holiday together? Are you able to afford the kind of holiday his sister is offering him.

Separately, if he's not sharing the costs of your holiday together with you, for something decent I'd be irked.

@AnonymousB95 I wouldnt be happy about this after eight years together! who did she go away with up until three years ago when your partner moved out the family home? how old are you all, including the sister? how long are those trips with his sister? if you had booked up first would he expect you to cancel so he could accomodate his sister? he sounds like he likes being the centre of the family;

Yes he should f* his sister off if she dosent get on with you.
She knows what's she's doing.
He should tell her you come as a couple or not at all.
Your being excluded and it's wrong.
Would he like it if it was your brother you were going away with and he wasnt't included.

Very strange reaction.
I have a son and daughter both in their 20's, who go away once a year for a couple of days, could he to a music festival, could be a European city, whatever takes their fancy for the "annual".
She has a partner, he doesn't, no one bats an eyelid here, they enjoy each others company, and I hope their tradition goes on forever!
Plan your own trip OP, what's stopping you? Just go another date with him?
Super jealous, I'm shocked you've lasted 8 years, can't see it lasting 8 more?

OP what are you suggesting is wrong with them going to Paris or on a cruise?

She doesn't have anyone else to go with and wants company and some security - travelling with her brother is a very safe option for her.

I am dying to know how old each person is
Your partner of 8 yrs but only moved out of home 3 yrs ago. And his sister is 14 yrs older?

It's a very different scenario if you and he are 21 and she is 35 compared to you and he being 46 and her being 60.

I'm going on holiday with my brother tomorrow 😂I honestly don't understand why you would resent this. You say you want to experience nice places together with your partner, well why don't you suggest them to him then?

If money is the issue, I sympathise, but that's not a reason why he shouldn't enjoy time with his sister and vice versa.

He should communicate with you on the dates and pull his weight with the organisation of couple holidays, fair enough.

I go on holiday with my sister and also with my brother sometimes all together sometimes just 2 of us.
My husband went on holiday with his sister a few months back last year just him and his mum went i dont find it strange.
I think its nice that they are close not every one has that sort of family.
He never stops me from going with my family or girls weekends away so i would never stop him.
I think you are a bit jealous.

1st post nails it - i would also ask yourself if it was two sisters going away with each other would you be questioning it ?
How do you know she chooses not to have a partner ? Maybe she just hasn't found the right person yet

Excellent analysis -
yes exactly, competitive, divisive, weird - it is not the beleagured OP who is the jealous 3rd cog, rather the Barbie no mates elder sister, buying companionship at the expense of her younger brother’s romantic attachment, making sure they will not be going to Paris as a couple, as he has already ‘done’ Paris.

this is a particularly combative thread, with obtuse ill considered opinions,
abrupt comments, lacking perspicacity, poor quality responses, not up to your
usual red hot reasoning ladies

Tbf, his sister does sound a bit odd-not particularly nice to you when the rest of the family is, rather short on friends…would you describe her as controlling, OP? It might explain why many people won’t put up with her.

But, going on holiday with your sibling is fine, even more so if they’re paying for it! If I had siblings, I’d jump at this chance!

Your DP does need to communicate better with you though. You’re a couple and you need to plan together.

He sounds like a massive man baby. Gets a lovely extravagant holiday from doting big sis. Can't be arsed to get involved in arranging a holiday with partner. Probably feels ambivalent about holiday with partner because who cares, he's getting a lovely free holiday from sis anyway. Probably used up a big chunk of annual leave anyway.

Yes so what's the problem op? As long as he gets his lovely free holiday he will pay attention to you when he wants sex, someone to do the chores and someone to share the bills with! What a deal, hey?

because there are undercurrents which you are not picking up on - not necessarily the relationship between siblings

@pikkumyy77 ’s analysis is a little extreme for me, @SOxon , but I completely agree that the sister sounds odd and likely has some problems with relationships/friendships.

It doesn’t sound like the amiable companionship my DH would have if he went on holiday with one of his sisters, for example.

So you think she wants to shag him? I'm assuming that's what you're alluding to in the following posts. Bet you wouldn't mind if it was a brother.

You just sound jealous that you’re missing out on some great trips.

I think the few messages here berating all the other posters for disagreeing with the OP, probably do not have close relationships with their siblings.

I have 4 siblings. 14 years between the oldest sister and younger brother.

We do loads of stuff together. Sometimes just 2 of us. Sometimes without spouses.

We are very close and loving and this is normal with my brother and his siblings too.

I think it's bloody weird that people are finding some kind of perverted angle. Or saying that because they don't drop their siblings like a hot potato when they get a partner, they aren't a priority 😂😂

It IS pure jealousy. Whether it's of the money, the extravagance, the free holiday, OP, you need to figure out why it pisses you off so much, because it's definitely a you problem.

my husband I mean before you all accuse me of incest 😂

@SweetFemaleAttitude I personally don’t think that, my DH has close relationships with his siblings and sees them regularly.

This particular sister does sound abit odd to me, but not a perv!

You sound quite possessive and a bit controlling.

"emotional affair" 😂
Oh give over. This can't be real.

YANBU

I think going on a trip with siblings is fine. However I would have an issue with him going on a big blow out trip every year. It does take away from your holidays together to know that his biggest and best holiday every year will be a treat from his sister, where you are never going to be included.

I'd think this would be fine every few years, or if they invited you but you paid for yourself and agreed to have some time on your own at the spa so they could have some brother/sister time.

It would be less of an issue if they were just having a week hiking in the UK somewhere or even a bog standard sun holiday. It's not even that it's with his sister - I'd be annoyed if my DP went on a blow out holiday every year with a mate, even if it was paid for by the mate. If it's someplace you want to go is he really going to want to go again? Or even if he does it's not quite the same as experiencing it together the first time.

Again, every 3-4 years - fine, smaller holidays yearly - fine. Big fancy blow out holidays every year, always overshadowing your holidays together - not fine.

blathering on brilliant ! I commend you on your astute comprehension skills
and ability to readbetweenthelines

you and other similar comments are totally missing the point,

I would find this odd. Daily contact between adult siblings is OTT and using a sibling as a sounding board and not your partner, also odd. Going away for a few days with just a sibling, odd in my circles, but probably the least odd bit here, although ...

Who pays for the trips? How do they decide on dates etc? It all seems to be done without consideration for OP and whether she might have made other plans. His lack of input into their own holiday is not great. It does make me wonder if the sister deliberately picked those dates, knowing it would interfere with OP's plans.

It may not be a conventional relationship but if she’s “very successful” and living at home then she doesn’t sound very conventional herself. Have you considered the fact she doesn’t have friends and lives at home as a single adult a sign she may be neurodiverse? Sometimes when adults struggle to make friends, then family relationships become intensely important.