Partner going on holiday with sister

[AnonymousB95]

My partner of 8 years is going away with his sister this year, the third year in a row. For context, they're incredibly close and since he moved out of the family home 3 years ago, have made going away together for a few days a yearly thing. She is about 14 years older, single, living at home and very successful.

Other than family, she doesn't have many friends or anyone to travel with. She organises and pays for everything on their trips so all he has to do is turn up.

I thought by now it wouldn't irritate me as much as did the first time, but it does. Am I in the wrong for feeling annoyed and somewhat, left out by this? I don't come from a family where I am close with my sibling so have never understood their relationship. She is a lot older and always seen him as a baby, and still does. They're in contact every day as he goes to her a lot for work issues/help.

These trips are usually pretty extravagant and I can't help but feel that as my partner we should be experiencing these things together. But I don't know if that's just selfish of me to say.

It's also irritating as I'm in the process of sorting a trip out for the 2 of us with no help from s/o. Then without warning, he puts in our joint diary he is going away with his sister. Which happened to be the exact dates I was also looking at.

He doesn't see the problem and thinks I'm unreasonable for being annoyed and should just be happy for her and him (as he would be for me). However, I feel as though sometimes her doing this is trying to 1 up me. My partner would never see it this way and it might just be my insecurities playing into it. But it sometimes makes me feel like he doesn't even need me in his life, the way he is treated by the women in his life (mums & sisters). Beyond these trips, they do a lot for him, buy him a lot of things etc.

Ultimately, I find the situation odd. Am I overacting?

I really hope this post is tongue-in-cheek, if not, it says more about this poster than the brother and sister in question!*

*Particularly creepy post with the Moomins reference in the username.

'Displace family time'? That's nearly as nutty as the poster who was in high dudgeon because her friend invited her to go away with her on a bank holiday weekend. Because she SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that BHs are sacred family time and that it's insulting to imply she might tear herself away from the bosom of her teenagers.

Yes, I would resent it. Whats wrong with going out for dinner with your sibling - why an expensive holiday? I’ve been on holiday with my brother and sister but our partners come along - I can’t imagine going on our own. My Oh meets up with his single sister for a meal or walk , but I wouldn’t like him to go off on a cruise with her excluding me, and he wouldn’t consider it. I understand the bit about the single sister treating the brother like a partner substitute too. Maybe best not to think about marrying or having kids with this person if he is so babied by his family.

Out of interest what's eating why Paris and Rome? Big standard European destinations.

Whaaaaattt??? I treat my sister to a break
away every year, I’d be livid with dh and her bf if they threw a jealous strop about it. As it happens they are both more than happy to see the back of us for a bit.
She’s quite a lot younger than me and I have 3dc. Even if you did have dc with this man why would that mean his life would ground to a halt and he’d never again be able to do something for himself? Weird way to look at having children.
I think it’s nice that they’re close.

…at a free trip with a sibling he’s very close to! 😂😂 I wouldn’t turn that down either! No idea where you’re getting the idea she dominates him.

I can't see any issues apart from you need to coordinate your diaries more. It's a short trip (why you're uncomfortable with those destinations is beyond me), it's not like he's using all his A/L days to go away with her. Just use that time to do something with your own family or friends.

I just think he is your partner, not your husband. As long as he isn't using joint money then he isn't doing anything wrong. I guess once you are married you get more of a say?

It's very weird to me. I wouldn't be happy with that either.

We're married
I go away without my husband
But we do communicate. I check dates with him.
But as for where I'm going etc no he isn't interested... only that I'll enjoy myself.
Separate finances.
The only issue I'd have in OP situation would be if the holiday with the sister was stopping us from having a holiday together, as in no money or annual leave left.

It may be they're spousifying their relationship which is why you feel pushed out and a third wheel. Grey rock. Do fun things for yourself and ask to be the priority. Assess actions of your partner in response. This may need a step back for you, do you have friends you can spend time with?

I think you answered your own question. You don’t have the same relationship with your siblings, so you’re probably not going to understand it - why they chose to spend time together. I think it’s lovely they spend a few days a year just the two of them. I’d love if my children did that as adults. My DH goes skiing every year with friends, I love that he takes that time for himself, and we get the opportunity to “miss” each other.

If you want to be included, you need to start making an effort with her, invite her to lunch? Coffee? Once you’ve established a relationship with her. Ask DH if you could book a city break with the two of them, but you have to be wanting to spend time with SIL as well as your DH which doesn’t seem to be the case.

Would you be happy with them going to Skegness Pontins for a few days?

How would you feel if you had multiple children one day and they spent a few days each year going on holiday? I think it's lovely!

Right?!? I go on holiday with my brothers every year, we've even been to -gasp- Italy.

Best tell my husband I'm having an emotional affair with them lmao.

Seeing as there has already been some crazy replies I'll add my own - OP, are you sure she's his sister and not his bio mum? Could be at 14 years older...

You grey rock people you can’t avoid who are toxic. If you have a toxic or narcissistic partner there’s no point in grey rocking- you bin them. To bin someone over a mini break with a sibling would be crazy.

Agree.

I go on solo trips, have gone without DH with my family several times. It is not weird to go on trips without your partner. All it takes is a conversation and sorted.

As a pp stated, I wonder if OP would feel the same way if it was him going away with a brother instead of a sister.

Ah, posters wilfully ignoring what you have written. Love it.
Look @AnonymousB95 , you are not this man's priority. Please value yourself more. If you want children, nope. Won't work.
Me and my OH are both close to our families but we prioritise each other and our children.
I'm sure if you told us every detail regarding their dynamic and how you fit in to it then it would be obvious. However, amongst the posters just blathering on about you being jealous there are posters capable of reading what you have already written and getting it.
Don't cling on to someone who isn't prepared to put you first. I get the impression this yearly holiday is the least of your worries.

it can be hard to have the holidays you want as a single person - a sibling you're close to seems an ideal holiday companion.
The relationship with OP may be bad for other reasons, but it's not because he goes to Paris with his sister.

OP I'm genuinely curious, what is it about those destinations that bother you? They're standard places to travel to imo.

Never do this with someone who doesn’t see you as their main priority and your relationship as his primary loyalty.
People are allowed love more than one person in their life! I have brothers and sisters but myself and asd bro are closer/into the same things. I adore dh even more that eg if a big movie is coming up in the cinemas I’ll go with my brother before/ instead of him or the kids, or there’s times I’ll drive over for a tv night in or something. Are you meant to ditch family when you get with someone?

YABU
He has a good relationship with his sister and they travel together - nice to be close to family.
She pays for him because she has nobody else that shes comfortable travelling with (it seems) - very generous of her.
You're left out - what do you want? To go along with him and his sister so you're not left out? For him go away with you instead and sack off his sister?
He puts confirmed away dates on a calendar, and you were "looking at" those dates - just looking or booked? Right, just looking.
You feel like he doesn't need a partner in his life because he has his mum and his sister - the exact people who he will still have when partners come and go.

Is Center Parcs out?

Then without warning, he puts in our joint diary he is going away with his sister. Which happened to be the exact dates I was also looking at.

But you actually had nothing booked in for those dates, that you have now decided were the ones you wanted.