Brother resentful of my lifestyle

[Whataworld1]

My brother is (I think) a bit jealous of me. We are only a year apart in age. I am 54 and he is 55.

I had my children quite young and they are now adults, they have left home and are self sufficient. He, on the other hand, had children very late and his children are still in primary school.

Before starting a family he had a job which took him all over the world for 20 years and we rarely saw him. Now he’s home he often makes comments about wanting to make memories and he gets annoyed if I have a day off and choose to spend it visiting my children instead of his.

He is in a low paid job and can’t afford extras or holidays. DH and me have more disposable income, now that we’re not supporting kids anymore and we have nice holidays which are sneared at.

I am so upset that at this time of life, when I’ve finally got some money and can do nice things, that he is stalking my social media and making sarcastic comments about my holidays.

He has serious jealousy issues

People can post on their own social media anything they like, why should she stop posting just so a man dies t get upset and jealous?

He's stalking you? Incandescent with rage? He needs counselling.
Honestly I'd consider just blocking him, after telling him his bitter attitudes will be the death of your relationship.

Tell him to fuck off, seriously. Block him on the socials. And stop with the lovely presents if they're not reciprocated or appreciated. You don't owe him anything if he can't be pleasant and supportive.

Of course I prioritise my own children over yours and will spend what little spare time I have with them. Please stop with the comments. We each live our own lives as we see fit. You have done that and you don’t get to stop me from doing it.

I had the same thought. Does he want help with the DC OP?

I would try a reasonable conversation first as you will want to stay friendly for the sake of the kids.
When he starts again, I’d point out that you’ve reared your kids and went through the same difficulties with childcare and finances as he is. Ow but he didn’t see it as he was travelling the world.
I’d also point out that you both did it in reverse - he had his late so is having those same trials and tribulations now.
Frankly I’ve seen a few men who have children late who sulk over the loss of freedom and agency. I’m sure there are the opposite as well but I haven’t met them!

I can quite honestly say that if my niece or nephew were shy or had challenging behaviour I wouldn’t describe my time with them as ‘unpleasant’. Difficult/challenging maybe, but not unpleasant. I appreciate the fact we all have different relationships but the fact she has a difficult relationship with her brother seems to be clouding her view of the children too. Not saying she should prioritise them over her kids as he also sounds like he has issues. But it’s not ok how she has described those kids.

Also OP I wouldn’t try and reason with him. (You were away when my kids were young etc) as he will likely just receive that as criticism. Be blunt. “I will make time for your children when I have time. Why don’t we get together on such and such date? In the meantime I am entitled to see my own children because I am their parent and I don’t want you to comment on that”.

@Codlingmoths wrote "Presumably you stare blankly and say well yes. I see my children. I’m their mum. You weren’t around seeing my children when they were little, or me. Just stop putting up with any of this"

Why haven't you pointed out that when he was jetsetting all over the world, he didn't spend time with your kids - you've lived your lives in reverse - you had your kids early in your life so they are adults now, he didn't. He lived the jetset life when your kids were small, you're doing it now when his kids are small. You are yin and yang of each other.

I'd block him on social media and stop sharing stuff with him.

@Zooeyzo

You sound like you don't like the kids at all.
It's sounds more like the OP finds her DBs while family unpleasant to be around.
DB bitches, moans and rages at her
DB resents the OP seeing her own DC
DBs DC haven't been taught to say thank you and throw gifts across the room.

What is there to like?

You must be sensitive in a nice way and empathetic. Others won't even give it a thought. You should change a bit, I think. I feel the same way, even to colleagues. I earn just a bit more but lie all the time, making sure they don't feel jealous. This is an unpleasant feeling, I don't know what to advice, if you are made that way, you are likely to continue to feel uncomfortable.

Why does a grown woman need to post about holidays on socia media is the bit that I dont understand. Block him off on there to stop his sm comments but it wont stop him being jealous in general. His attitude is sick though..

I completely agreed with you until you said that his children are hard to socialise with anyway because one has a disability and doesn’t speak!! Jesus! Are only neurotypical children worth your time then…

Who said job taking him all over the world was high paid? He could've been a holiday rep, cabin crew or something work on a cruise ship. None of which pay well

Either very low contact or an honest talk with your DB.Remind him he had 20 years of freedom while you raised your DC and you're still working so you don't have the time he thinks you owe him. If he kicks off then don't bother with him anymore

yes exactly. One of my friends did 10 years with the UN working in refugee camps. Sounds great- but she's now a part time project manager for a charity on £17 k and can;t seem to move on and up despite everything.

You both sound as unpleasant as each other.

Your brother sounds like he has major problems. His argument just does not make any sense at all.

My DB is an older dad. He didn't give a hoot about my kids when they were small.
Now he is a dad I'm getting messages about its been x weeks since you have visited. When are you going to visit.....
Mine are 22 and 21 I'm having the time of my life with DH and have zero interest in toddlers.
I

I suggest you go lower contact.
My brother makes endless “jokes” about the fact that we have a bigger house, more money etc.
i never talk about our finances, but I think he is resentful. We never get invited to his house or hosted. Ever, yet we offer invites several times a year.
His jealousy is hard to deal with, and we now don’t see each other so much.

The only positive about his posts @Whataworld1 are that everyone else can see what a monumental tool he is.

id be tempted to reply to his posts “oh dear, you do know the whole internet can see your crappy comments, right?”

Because she wants to! Don’t be so judgmental!

I know several families where there was a 1 year age gap like this and in all cases the older child ended up anxious and depressed because they didn't get their babyhood with their Mum before child 2 came along. Could it be that?

If it is that, then he probably doesn't know that that is what the problem is as he would have been too young to remember.

His children are quite hard to socialise with anyway. They don’t speak. One is shy and one has a condition (being assessed), so it’s not pleasant anyway.

That's nice!

You don't have to see his children but to say it's unpleasant because one is shy is nasty