To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

[Sosospring]

We are a small group of friends who go out for dinner together every 2-3 months or so. It's just three couples so a small group. Anyway, one of them couldn't make the scheduled dinner so we have decided to invite the rest to our house for a dinner party. We put a lot of time, money and effort to get the best food, cook all three courses from scratch, get expensive wines etc... it was a lot of money and work. I thought it went well, everyone was laughing and the food was good. Although one of them was still very hangover from a couple of days earlier and one was very tired from traveling for work..I understand this and any occasional yawns because people are tired from work and having kids. But aibu to be really upset about not having received even one text today to thank us for the evening? They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening. If we ever happen to go to theirs for a party, we always make sure to send a thank you text the day after and so does everyone else. Am I being unreasonable to feel quite upset about receiving nothing at all? Is it normal?

I'm one of those people. I take some wine or a gift with me. I say how lovely it is to get together and complement the food. Then I clearly thank the hosts when I'm leaving. I don't get it when people expect more than that.

They said thank you on the night

I would follow up with a text, so I agree it’s nice, but I don’t think you can say it’s rude not to.

OP we host in that manner regularly.
I don't expect to be thanked any more than nice comments during dinner and a thank you on leaving.
I don't expect texts the next day and rarely get them. My friends aren't big texters and i don't need constant validation.

I would expect someone else to to reciprocate in the next few months tho.

Do you live in the 1950s?!
We attend dinner parties sometimes 2/3 days a week. We host at least weekly. I'd be overrun with fucking thank you cards and spend half my life sending them out.
I'd be totally bemused by a handwritten note.

I get it OP, they should have sent another thank you but people are rude nowadays sadly.

But aibu to be really upset about not having received even one text today to thank us for the evening? They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening.

The OP's level of neediness to be thanked and thanked again is tedious.

We put a lot of time, money and effort to get the best food, cook all three courses from scratch, get expensive wines etc... it was a lot of money and work.

This was your choice - no one forced you to do this. Now you want to hold a gun to your guests to thank you and thank you again.

When you say you text the next day and so does everyone else, I assume you send the initial text and everyone else has to follow suit or they look ungrateful. Everyone has different ways and saying thank you on the night does cover it, I wouldn't think them ungrateful or that they had a bad night, just that they aren't big texters to double up the thanks.

Totally agree OP. Had two couples - very good friends - round yesterday lunchtime. Lots of thanks and hugs on leaving but one text arrived an hour later thanking me again for the lovely food, how nice it was to see us again, etc. etc. Doesn't take much. I always have done it and most of my friends do too.

I would think that people would thank the next day as well. But I don't think it's necessary if they thanked you on the day. Did they bring anything?

OP, is it possible they are sending a card instead?

It is good manners to send a proper thank you after someone has hosted you. Whether by phone, text, or handwritten.

Unfortunately as many PPs demonstrate on this thread good manners seem to be dying out.

Yes we would all confirm home safely after a night out and thanks for xyz on our WhatsApp group.

Are you sure they aren't going to send a card? Some of our friends still do that.

It's not that 'only the British do double thank yous', it's that double thanking is characteristic of British people

Like, speaking English is characteristic of British people but it doesn't mean only British people speak English. Still, the nationality of a person is relevant to a conversation about language because they are linked

Some of my friends do this. On their personalised notepaper. The posher ones, for sure!

We attend dinner parties sometimes 2/3 days a week. We host at least weekly

God, I do love MN sometimes.

I guess manners have been lost in favour of hanging out on mumsnet.

People used to send notes amd cards to say thank you... and I'm not that old. I think that is incredibly rude not to send a quick message the next day. I'm utterly shocked most people think you're unreasonable. It takes 30 seconds to send a message to say, "Hey mumsnetter, just wanted to say thank you again for last night. Beautiful dinner and we had a fab time. Xx"

I mean what the f is wrong with people?! I send a message to the parents the day after a little kids party to say thank you for having us and equally if we host one, a message to say thanks for coming and for the gift. It ain't hard.

So, yes OP, you have a right to be miffed. But as you can see here most people don't have decent manners so for your own sanity, let it go. Xx

I totally agree, basic manners seem to have disappeared these days!

after most nights, we tend to send messages on our whatsapp group saying "it was a great night, we had so much fun. thanks for arranging xx". There was nothing today.

But you said that most times you all go to a restaurant, this time was unusual as one couple couldn't make it. So arguably it could be insensitive to post in the group WhatsApp saying what a great night it was when one couple wasn't able to enjoy it.

Not saying that's the reason, but it's yet another angle to overanalyse it this from, and the bottom line is it was a great night, they did have fun and they did thank you. Anything more is habit and dopamine buzz hunting at the expense of real life enjoyment.

Just had two different couples over for lunch & dinner on Saturday and Sunday. Two lovely fun days.
They both said thanks on the way out, and I don’t expect to hear any more from them.

Ahhh nope, it's called manners. Try it sometime, you sound like a thug.

Saying thank you at the end of the evening when you’re very likely a bit tipsy, tired and cannot wait to get to bed, is not the same as messaging a day or two after when you have the time and clarity to send a considerate and appreciative thank you message.

They said thank you as they left so they did Thank you . But I wouldn't be doing it again. Alot of effort time and expense for not much thanks .

@abs12 you have no manners.

The dinner guests thanked the OP. That is good manners.

There is no need to emulate Mr Collins and repeat the expressions of gratitude. It is obsequious and unnecessary.

It doesn’t matter whether people do or don’t thank each other in their particular group. The op has said that in this group, the norm IS to thank everyone the next day.
The radio silence is odd op. I’d be worried about why too.

Was it one couple who came or one and a half?

You are the deluded one. What a stupid, ridiculous post.