SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

I will always have to work. I have adhd and find work far better for me as a person than having time completely managed by me at home. When I'm busy in a structured environment I'm so much happier and calmer than if I'm not, so I think I'm an exception where genuinely if I had a choice to be a sahm and even had an endless supply of money I'd still have to work. Some of my previous jobs were not mentally stimulating enough so I'd probably not do those but my current career is so fulfilling for my needs, even hard days make me feel like I'm thriving in ways being a mum never could tbh.

Interesting. All grown adults need to take on household responsibilities too. When you are a SAHM, unless a trust fund baby, your partner will be bringing in the money, therefore you are also a housewife - that is the part of it I don't like.

My DH cleans the house and is great at it. He carries as much mental and administrative load as me but we play to our strengths. If I had to clean, tidy, do laundry, cook for a man my whole life with my 2 DDs in tow, I would consider myself a bad role model to them personally. In addition, I NEVER sought out a man for his money. I dated the six figure earners and the trust fund babies and I felt I would be settling if I chose them.

On the lottery comment, I would stop being an employee and sink my teeth into something else - A business, investments, a PhD?

Exactly.

What’s the alternative (insert MN head tilt) Like childcare is such an unusual concept.

Yes I expect so as we're very rural.

Of course they know! Unless they exist in some sort of vacuum.

No I don't think I would, given the choice. Not because I wouldn't want to have that time with my kids, but I wouldn't want to be dependent on another adult for finances.

I am now in that position (after working full time for 20 years). My baby was born very poorly and has a severe lung condition, we've been advised no nursery for a couple of years while her lungs get stronger. I have taken a two year career break and will return to my job at the end of that period.

I love being at home with her, I really do love it. My job is great but having a child to take care of who we thought would never leave hospital is the greatest gift I have been given. I am also skint now, but I don't care.

Interesting. I have adhd too, and a very low boredom threshold! Work is definitely better for me.

Late to this thread but I work and I like it. I had so much pressure put on me by me ex to give up work - he refused to pay for nursery, clothes/petrol for work etc - I lived on my CC - but I am glad he did, because when it ended I could buy a house for us all!

If I won the lottery I would give up my current job, I love it but it's stressful, and (imagining I won millions) I would set up a charity to support the kids I work with now to access higher education and still work.

Like others have said - work is a major part of my identity but it also feeds me - intellectually and emotionally, I get so much out of the young people I work with - it's amazing, challenging, tiring and sad at times but so worth it.

Kids never stop needing you - mine are 22.19 and 15 - I have had to dash down to Bristol at shot notice to help one, up to Manchester to help another, spend time discussing a CDL assessment and bullying issues for the third in the past month - but that is possible while still existing out side of the home.

I have no issue with people being SAMP's but it would never have worked for me

I chose to stay home before they started school. The standard of nursery care is overall very poor. You cannot expect someone on minimum wage to care for your child like a mother/father/grandparent etc would. Obviously excluding all the psycho relatives you would never leave your kid with.

No personal experience with using a nursery then? Some nurseries are very poor but then again, some parents are which also includes some SAHP's.

But some nurseries are excellent, as are many of the nursery workers. As you've pointed out, they certainly aren't doing it for the money.

You tell yourself that.

And I'll be sure to mention it to the SAHM in my daughter's class who is called into school every week for her child kicking, biting, punching and spitting whilst my child sits nicely and cracks on with her work.

I had the option of being a SAHP but opted to go back to work. It just wasn't for me at all, I didn't like being at home all the time, it had a negative impact on my mh. I love my dd (who's now a teen), and we have a wonderful relationship, but it just wasn't my 'thing'. I'm due to retire in about 8 years time and I can't wait, it's just all about timings and what's right at that particular time in your life

Yes I still would, but Id do something more like a hobby, or go self employed, or go to college and do a creative writing degree, which is what Id like to do when they have left home. I was really frustrated and bored at home with the children. They were happy in nursery, they were far more stimulated than they would have been watching me doing the hoovering and I was happy doing a job that I loved. And I have enough work experience now that I can still work part time without it having affected my pension too much, and I can be around for GCSE/ homework etc now they are teens. Unless you can afford to be a SAHM forever (which is not what many people can afford to do) kids still need you when they are older. Its better to work part time for longer than not work at all for 5+ years and then have to start again.

I was a SAHM until DS was 4 and I still sent him to nursery part time before school. It was great for him as an only child getting to socialise with other children and learn to share, etc.

Let's also not pretend that one day is representative of every day. Also, most SAHM I knew/know did not have cleaners.

Interesting.

I also have ADHD and hadn't realised the extent to which working does really help me.

I'm pretty sure my mother has it and she is choosing to work past retirement age.

I'm pretty sure that my mother has it as well, and being a SAHP was disastrous for her mental health.

Maybe us adhd types just need to work!!

Oh bore off with brandishing the M word. Too many people on here shout 'misogyny' if they don't agree with someone, though I'm not quite sure what you're disagreeing with considering you are indignant at your own misinterpretations.

why would a woman not want to work, but a man would?
I didn't say anything about men, that wasn't the focus of this topic.

Why didn’t you write that anyone given a choice would chose to stay home and do child rearing or cleaning?
Again not the topic of my thread. As a woman with a large network of other women, (I have a very female dominated family and we all have large groups of friends) I am better placed to speak about my experiences with these women not guess at what men I don't know want to do.

why would you think all women are like this?
I never said ALL women are like this.

Some of us enjoy work, being financially independent, or we trained hard, or worked for our career.
Evidently. I do work with other women who enjoy working, that doesn't negate from the fact that IME the majority of women I know would rather be a SAHM.

What would possess you to think thay staying home and raising kids and cleaning is what women really want to do??
Many women do want to do this, I never said all women want to do this.

A question to you. Do you often put words in other peoples mouth?

You are easily disturbed. This has been my experience with the women I know.

No.

Personally I think it's fear of financial repercussions which keeps a lot of women in work, rather than a genuine love of their work specifically. Many people just have jobs rather than meaningful careers.
I suspect that if money and security were no longer issues that needed to be worried about, many more people (of both sexes) would leave their work and spend more time with their dc or pursuing their own interests.
Finances are the main driver in much of what people do in their lives. We don't have as much choice as we think we do, in many respects.

It sounds like you probably have quite a narrow social circle, consisting mainly of women who don't have any career aspirations. Inevitably this will colour your view.

My experience is quite different. I do know women who have chosen to be SAHPs, and indeed some who would like to be SAHPs if they could, but I certainly wouldn't say that the majority of women that I know are like that. Career is important to lots of women.

@Medschoolmum Incorrect. I have a very large social circle. I'd also point out that wanting be at home with your children doesn't mean a person has absolutely no career aspirations.

But you said you don’t know anyone who wants to work. That sounds like a very limited view to me. You then took it on yourself to beleive all women would rather stay home doing the domestics rather than work. And then started a thread about it.

I'd still choose to work, albeit I'd like to do 3 days a week and not 5.

I said I didn't know anyone who would choose to work if they didn't have to. Most have to, therefore, have to have some kind of career aspirations. Wanting to be a SAHM doesn't necessarily mean that a woman doesn't have any aspirations for future employment.

I can't believe how many PP have suggested that I said 'ALL WOMEN.'
Find the quote if you can....