SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

I just find the thread disturbing, that anyone would actually think that women given a choice between career or child care and house work would pick the latter.

it’s the sort of thing I expect men in the 50s said.

I find it disturbing that anyone would replace the term SAHM with 'child care and housework' when in reality it is much more than that.
Women have fought, and are fighting for, choice in their lives - how is putting down another woman's choice in any way helpful or constructive? We should all be free to do what works for us, our families, our careers, and within what our own circumstances allow (financially, for example).

I find some attitudes to childcare... strange.

Being a nanny is valued more than being a childminder or nursery worker.

All of those are valued more than the mother caring for their child (actively full time)

But nurseries etc are not seen as completely positive places.

It comes back to the old story... charterer choice we make.. its wrong. Its work to send them to nursery.... and its wrong to look after them yourself. Its wrong to impose on grandparents, even if they volunteer.
Oh, and closing not to have children is also wrong....

And then housework. Apparently a SAHM should concentrate on the children... but expecting a working partner to do anything but the bare minimum is wrong. But they should do 50%.

Everything is wrong.

I was at home when kids small. We need 2 incomes now and kids older. Its really thankless at home. Im glad back working now.

OK, so without being antagonistic, I would be interested to know what a SAHM does during the day (I don't know how to ask that in any other way)?

I batch cook at weekends or evenings, I have a cleaner come in once a week, so I'm not sure, when my kids are in school for 9 hrs a day, whst else needs to be done?

Yes it probably is an echo chamber because I only socialise with other working people/parents.

I don't mean in any way to offend SAHMs, but surely a SAHM is exactly someone who is responsible for childcare and housework? What other elements of it are there?

I absolutely agree that women should do whatever suits them, their families and their circumstances, but I don't think making SAHM out to be more than it is, particularly helps.

I think you'd also find OP, that if SAH was everyone's dream role, then men, who have historically had far more power than women to do as they choose, would have nabbed it for themselves long since. Some women enjoy it, and fair play to them. But the idea that being of the female sex means you automatically want a role few men would deign to do makes no sense.

Absolutely not, 6 months maternity leave was more than enough.

And would still work if I won the lottery, possibly for a charity or as a volunteer though.

Really? I do - most of my friends would/do work, at least part time. Many people give up work because they don't have family support or can't afford childcare - my childcare after I had my second was more than my wages and I earned about average.
Also flexibility- if they can have that with their job I think many more would work.

I work part time, don’t really have to but I want to.

I absolutely HATE school runs with a passion and I need to do something else for my sanity other than just being “mum” however I understand some parents love being a SAHP and that’s great for them. Everyone is different.

1. Most sahms have toddlers/preschool age, not school age.
2. School is 6hrs, not 9hrs.
3. No cleaner.

But the other stuff I did between them starting school and me returning to work

1. Volunteering... Scouts, community groups, at school- pta/governor.
2. House stuff... cleaning, cooking, DIY, gardening, shopping
3. Gym/exercise
4. Appointments... for me and children. And wider family members

Then come 3pm... full on childcare again. Now I agree that working parents do a lot of stuff too.

The volunteering sounds great (and I'm a school governor too).

My kids are at school for 9hrs per day.

I guess the other stuff we just do at weekends / evenings

@Emm36801 my daughter has never gone to school for 9 hours a day - just the usual 6 !
So - for your curiosity - my SAHM day when she was in primary school.
(times approx)
8.45 am - leave for school.
9.00 - 11.00 am - depending on day I might do volunteer reading sessions at the school, meet other PTA members and plan for events, help sort out donated books for the library or secondhand uniforms, help with craft sessions at the school.
11.00 am either do household shopping/housework etc
12 ish have some lunch.
12.30 - 2.30 pm - various things depending on mood. Maybe read, craft, go for a walk. Sometimes organise things for events I am involved in or go to charity shops to source things that can be used for the various events I was involved in.
2.45 pm head to school to pick her up.

@Emm36801 to be honest there's a lot of jobs where I really can't figure out what people are actually doing all day while there 😂

True!

I recently discovered DH and his colleagues have nerf guns in their offices and have impromptu battles.
I would argue I got more intelligent conversation from my young children

No, being a SAHM is not for me. I adore my job and went back after 6 month maternity leave. I would also continue to work if I won the lottery. My DH (who took the following 6 month parental leave) however would be a SAHD if we could afford to and would give up work if he won the lottery.

"I don't mean in any way to offend SAHMs, but surely a SAHM is exactly someone who is responsible for childcare and housework? What other elements of it are there?

I absolutely agree that women should do whatever suits them, their families and their circumstances, but I don't think making SAHM out to be more than it is, particularly helps. @shepherdsangeldelight"

No offence taken but as a SAHM I don't really view it as childcare in the same way as, say, being a paid babysitter or nursery worker is. I view it as full time parenting, so nurturing the bond, shaping their personalities and bringing out their best selves (sorry, I'm aware that sounds cringey but it's how I see it!).

I gave up a very high paid job to be home with DC because in my mind being around full time for my DC's early years is a special twice-in-a-lifetime experience and there's no-one in the planet better suited to looking after my DC than me. I would never in a million years have made the choice to give up my job to be a nanny or nursery worker - because those are just other jobs. They are admirable jobs for sure, but childcare isn't parenting and it's the parenting part that matters to me.

I can fully see how staying at home isn't right for everyone though and I know many children really flourish at nursery so I can easily see why many people would prefer to work.

Oh, the faux naivety! What on earth are those silly SAHPs doing that can't be achieved in a few hours of batch cooking and through hiring a cleaner once a week, especially when their kids are in school 9!!! hours a day.

I voted YABU OP because I think lots of women don't want to be SAHPs in the traditional sense. I think a more interesting question would be how many people would choose to work if they didn't have to and there was no financial benefit to doing so. I often see an argument being made about needing financial independence and people not being suited to being a SAHP assuming this means doing more housework and childcare but what if people had the choice to simply not work without all the other aspects of being a SAHP?

I have a 4 week old, she’s my world. I’ve been on mat leave for 6 weeks.

I really miss work. So no, I wouldn’t be a SAHM. I don’t want to go back earlier than I have to because I think this time with her is important. But even if I won the lottery I would only drop to part time.

I think a surprising amount of people would choose to work if they didn't have to. Which is bourn out by the number of financially free women who do just that, upper class women who open small businesses or work for charities, women who've made enough money to retire in luxury but choose instead to continue their work. I think when people ponder this question and conclude that 'few' work from choice, they are thinking of their own unsatisfying jobs rather than the concept of occupation in general. Most human beings are happiest when they have an occupation to give them purpose, and heighten the pleasure of leisure by providing contrast. Some women get that from working at caring for their children and running their home. For others its not enough and they need another occupation as well.

Honestly sahp of school aged kids are so so much happier.

I find it so odd when people generalise about millions of people based on their own experience. It is an arrogant or ignorant attitude.

What I really don't understand about whole SAHP vs working parent debate is.....
why do people care what other people choose to do with their lives so much?
Why do we have to debate it or defend our choice.
Does it matter?

I agree that it's interesting to see what really wealthy women choose to do.

It's hardly ever that they choose to change every nappy, be with their children 24/7 and do all their own housework

They almost always have a nanny or two and pursue a passion project like charity work or a niche business

To pick some examples - Lady Edwina Grosvenor, Zara Tindall, Sam Cam