SAHM

[VGoghsEar]

To think most women would prefer to be a SAHM given the choice. I don't know of anyone IRL that would choose to work if they didn't have to.

So do employed men - most husbands do an equal share of household chores and childcare-related activities.
If this isn't the norm to you, you need to raise your bar and do better.

The 24/7 would change when they go to school.

@VGoghsEar oh yawn.
Yet another SAHM vs Working mum thread.....
Some people like their jobs.
Some people don't.
Some would rather be at home .
Who cares really?

Work is so much easier than being a SAHM - well, that is my experience with two small children.

I actually don't know any women who would want to be a SAHM.

Besides maternity leave I’ve never been a SAHM. I think I’d have liked to when. The kids were younger but it wasn’t feasible. I retrained into a new career when youngest was only 18 months old so I was always happy with working although I used to miss out on some school things due to shifts which made me feel sad and guilty.
if I won the lottery now I would leave my job. I love being at home and can always find something to keep me busy!

Are you kidding?!
Spend years training and doing exams to then sit at home and have to ask a partner for some money when I wanted to do X, Y & Z… NO chance!

Not to mention what happens if the marriage breaks down and you can’t leave of support yourself.

Main reason though is that I like working.

No way

Definitely want to work so I have an identity outside being a mother and not reliant on my DH for money.

If I won the lottery I probably would give up my job however, but it would need to be a life changing amount of money. I would probably do something I enjoy even if it doesn’t pay well.

I chose to go back to work. Financially, I didn’t have to. I worked hard for my degree and career. It didn’t cross my mind not to return after maternity leave.

I think it’s easy to say ‘I wouldn’t work if I didn’t have to’ but you don’t know until you’re in that position.

If money was no issue, both DH and I would want to work part time in jobs we genuinely enjoyed. The balance of work and home/children is so important to me

I'm guessing you are a SAHM? And do you, perchance, spend lots of time with other SAHMs? No chance that the "anyone you know IRL" subset of people might be slightly self chosen?

I'm a woman and had no desire to be a SAHM. I enjoy my job (and would continue to do a similar role on a voluntary basis if I won the lottery).

Gosh no not me. I've had a couple stints off work and hated it. I like my job, I'm good at it, I like routine and getting dressed up having somewhere to go each day. I enjoy the status and reward. I don't think I even want to retire.

But this is wealth suddenly thrust upon people who have not worked for it. Successful, wealthy people don’t stop working.

No, I wouldn't want to be a SAHM. I need to work for my mental health. That said, if I won the lottery, I would work part time, and it would be running my own cat rescue and rehome centre, not the job I do now.

I don't have to, we could live on dh's salary not the same lifestyle we have now but we would be fine. I like my job, I'm good at it, it's very intellectually, emotionally and psychologically challenging in a way parenthood just isn't, I also take a lot of satisfaction in the benefits it has for society and I feel I'm really achieving tangible outcomes. Also honestly DS wouldn't benefit from 100% of my attention, I am a doer, a bit of a perfectionist and have a lot of energy, no child needs all of that!
If I won the lottery, I already have very detailed plans of a large and ongoing project I would fund and project manage which is adjacent to the kind of work I do now.

If both are working then of course both should share housework and childcare. Mind you the amount of women that complain about unfair division of domestic chores on here is crazy!

That's not a fair comparison.

SAHMs typically do all the housework and childcare.

Lottery winners can outsource both kdi they please.

I don't like housework, I would rather work and pay a cleaner. I love my kids but find 24/7 with them too much.

I’d rather work than be a SAHM. I never want children. Work every time, thank you.

Def the other way around. I’ve only 1 friend who didm’t work and she never stopped whinging! I’ve no idea what she did all day!
All the rest of us like working and like having financial independence.

Not me
I would never have given up my career
No one expects my DH to give up his

I enjoy my job a fair amount. It's well paid, WFH, flexible, great hours, fantastic benefits and pension. I get satisfaction out of it.

Would I be a SAHM if dh's income more than doubled and I therefore didn't 'need' to? Absolutely not. I want my own income, my own security, my own pension. I prefer working to the most usual SAHM duties of childcare, cleaning and cooking. I want something else to do with my time, to develop at, grow etc etc.

Would I still do my £40k a year job if I won the Euromillions? Not on your nelly 😂. With that level of independent wealth and residual income I'd be doing far more interesting things than my current job, much as I like it.

The two are completely different situations though. Saying you'd jack your job in if you won the lottery doesn't mean 'I long to be a SAHM'.

Loved being a sahm. Did it with eldest until they were at school. Then pt.

Then when had others i stopped as soon as maternity kicked in. Never returned. Now wfh but i chose my days and times as long as the work is complete it doesn't matter so I'm basically a sahm. All kids now in school. And I love it. School drop and collects, housework, groceries, even a siesta. I can do as i please. I would hate to return to a job, in fact i wouldn't, where i get told where i have to be and when, what times, luncbreak at set times.. Its just not me. I can't deal with the stress of time off for kids illness, sportsdays, all the other school stuff ( 4 kids in 3 schools is a lot to juggle)

But i understand how some people love the structure.

I'd quite like my DH to be a SAHP though so I could travel with my job again. It's too tricky to do it much at the moment with us both working. Sadly, he also has no desire to be a SAHP.

I'm not sure how helpful these thread are, no matter how well intended.

Every human and experience is different.

@Orangello that's a terrible comment.

I was a senior partner in child protection law for twenty years and lost ten babies, now have four.

I couldn't go back to that for that for a million pounds.

My best friend from university had twins and was back in three months, said she would be dead if she had stayed at home.

What about the women who clean and look after children as a living.

We all need to support each others decisions