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Original poster

DP wants to loan money from me

258 replies

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 19:47

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track.

He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown.

We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

OP posts:
mumda · 22/04/2024 09:02

No.

No

No.

It'll be a disaster for you.

Caterina99 · 22/04/2024 09:09

My DH does work for an American company. They have crazy long payment terms (120 days). I hate it! Theres a whole industry there built up on getting loans for your invoices, which I think is madness!

BUT, we know that is the case and we plan for it. He has other contracts in the UK that pay much faster and provide the majority of his day to day cash flow and a low salary etc. Yes it’s so tempting to go mad when that big payment comes in, but at least half of it is kept back to cover future costs, tax etc and the other half is issued as a dividend.

And he could always go out and work a shift at Tesco or something if we were broke. Definitely nothing stopping him doing that!

Don’t lend any money to this man

hobocock · 22/04/2024 09:32

Nope. Never in a million years.

So apparently other finance means have been exhausted and no one wants to loan him the money

And those other sources will have good reason why they don't want to lend him the money. It means they don't think he is reliable enough/financially secure enough to pay them back.

bevm72yellow · 22/04/2024 09:38

He will have an argument ready for every explanation you have for not giving him a loan. He may sob, cry eventually anger. He may lay blame at you for saying it will end the relationship.....ignore it all. "It doesn't work for me" is a useful phrase. Do not engage with his arguments. Hope things work out for you.

Pookerrod · 22/04/2024 09:40

Look at it this way, if banks, factoring companies, and other other sources of finance wouldn’t lend his company the money, with all the information and credit checks at their disposal, all their knowledge and experience, and the fact that they are in the business of lending companies money…… then why would it be a good idea for you to??

GingerPirate · 22/04/2024 09:51

Never. Full stop.

pinkyredrose · 22/04/2024 10:10

He's an idiot. You know he's financially irresponsible so you'd be a fool to lend him anything

CadyEastman · 22/04/2024 10:27

bevm72yellow · 22/04/2024 09:38

He will have an argument ready for every explanation you have for not giving him a loan. He may sob, cry eventually anger. He may lay blame at you for saying it will end the relationship.....ignore it all. "It doesn't work for me" is a useful phrase. Do not engage with his arguments. Hope things work out for you.

I agree with you but great it's a done deal and the OO has already lost her money.

Lurkingandlearning · 22/04/2024 10:36

Invoices that are due I.e for work completed would not become void. He is lying.

VikingsandDragons · 22/04/2024 10:39

My husband is in a full time salaried role, he is also director of our company. Your partner is spinning you a yarn and hoping you don't know enough or are too afraid of not being seen as supportive to question it. I run my own business, if he has the contracts that pertain to the invoices (ie solid proof of funds) he can get commercial lending as an advance on that future invoice.

PotatoPudding · 22/04/2024 10:45

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:25

He says he is unable to get a ‘job’ because they would make him close down his company and then those unpaid invoices would be void. I suspect it’s a pride thing to have to tell people he’s had to resort to a job.

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

I suppose my gut is telling me something isn’t adding up.

Surely if he were with me to get at my money/ have an easy life he would be nice and kind and caring and there for me? Instead he’s moody and dismissive of my needs due to the depression and stress of potentially having to go bankrupt.

This is not true. Limited companies can remain dormant or have their status changed to no longer trading. This means they still get paid for any outstanding debt.

It honestly sounds to me like your parter has no business sense.

What does he do that he doesn’t operate on 30 day terms?

Pinkdelight3 · 22/04/2024 10:52

basically I am his only option to get through this.

Then it's not a viable business and hasn't been for some time by the sounds of it. He needs to wrap it up and deal with the fall-out and work for someone else. You aren't his 'only option' because you're not an option. You aren't a bank and any legit loans places have refused him so what does that tell you? Hold firm and absolutely do not bail this business out. It's not the solution however much he thinks it is. He needs to accept that his business is not working.

Pinkdelight3 · 22/04/2024 10:54

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

If he could prove this, he could get a loan from a legit lender. The truth is, these extremely lucrative contracts sound like a gambler thinking they could hit the jackpot if they just pour some more money into the fruit machine.

Georgyporky · 22/04/2024 11:04

He could factor the invoices (not ideal).

Or he could get a secondary job - barman, delivery driver, etc....

PotatoPudding · 22/04/2024 11:04

Pinkdelight3 · 22/04/2024 10:54

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

If he could prove this, he could get a loan from a legit lender. The truth is, these extremely lucrative contracts sound like a gambler thinking they could hit the jackpot if they just pour some more money into the fruit machine.

OP, @Pinkdelight3 is absolutely right.

Also, no business in its right mind takes on jobs that last months and invoice at the end. It should be 50% or 25% upfront and the balance at various agreed stages of completion.

I must reiterate that if he gets a job, he is under no obligation to close his business and write off the money owing.

Do not lend him money. It won’t be a loan. You will never see it again.

GinForBreakfast · 22/04/2024 11:12

Sounds like he needs to get himself a job. He is an able-bodied, healthy adult who needs to stand on his own two feet.

He also has a track record of lying to you and emotionally manipulating you. This is not a person you want any financial ties to at all.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 22/04/2024 11:18

Take the relationship out of it for a moment and look at it as purely a financial transaction. You're considering lending money to somebody who literally nobody else will lend to. Why on earth would you do that? It makes no financial sense. Bottom line, his business whatever it is, is not viable and he refuses to accept that. You'd be a mug to lend to him, purely from a financial standpoint.

Now put the relationship back in the mix. Does he mean enough to you that you'd be prepared to write this money off if the repayments never materialise? Do you care for him enough to take the very real risk that he may very well ask for more and your losses will increase? I'd say that's a very high probability because he is either not a good businessman or his business is simply not viable.

InsomniacA · 22/04/2024 11:24

He doesn't want to loan money from you. He wants to BORROW money from you. You loan, he borrows.

ARichtGoodDram · 22/04/2024 11:28

InsomniacA · 22/04/2024 11:24

He doesn't want to loan money from you. He wants to BORROW money from you. You loan, he borrows.

What a helpful soul you are. I’m sure that helps the OPs dilemma no end 🙄

Pookerrod · 22/04/2024 11:29

InsomniacA · 22/04/2024 11:24

He doesn't want to loan money from you. He wants to BORROW money from you. You loan, he borrows.

Whilst your language lesson is very useful to the OP, I’m sure….. I suspect the he doesn’t want to borrow any money, he wants a gift.

SuffolkUnicorn · 22/04/2024 11:39

Tell him to start an OF

no way would I lend him money

SuffolkUnicorn · 22/04/2024 11:39

Pookerrod · 22/04/2024 11:29

Whilst your language lesson is very useful to the OP, I’m sure….. I suspect the he doesn’t want to borrow any money, he wants a gift.

Show quote history

Definitely gift

CandidHedgehog · 22/04/2024 11:47

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

This is rubbish. I have been a director in a company while holding down a full time job. It’s completely legal.

Therefore he wouldn’t need to fold the company, he could just stop trading and the invoices would remain valid.

He’s trying to scam you.

TheIranianYoghurtIsNotTheIssueHere · 22/04/2024 11:50

Run, run for the hills - at least in the financial sense, possible in every sense. 3 years isn't that long to have been together. I can't imagine asking my partner for a substantial loan after that long!

PotatoPudding · 22/04/2024 11:53

CandidHedgehog · 22/04/2024 11:47

This is rubbish. I have been a director in a company while holding down a full time job. It’s completely legal.

Therefore he wouldn’t need to fold the company, he could just stop trading and the invoices would remain valid.

He’s trying to scam you.

Show quote history

Yep! I am director of two companies and have a job. We are winding down one company, which is no longer trading. We still have to pay what we owe and collect what is owed to us, though