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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP wants to loan money from me

258 replies

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 19:47

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track.

He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown.

We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

OP posts:
friendlycat · 21/04/2024 22:31

I run my own limited company and basically what he is telling you just doesn’t add up. You simply aren’t being told the truth.

You really would be extremely unwise to give him money. If you are happy to literally give him money to never see it again then that’s your choice to make.

But factually there are some things that he is categorically lying to you about.

Angelsrose · 21/04/2024 22:34

This is a very absurd situation. The reason he's moody and dismissive is because he is entitled. Don't even think of giving this man any of your hard earned cash. No-one can afford to waste money throwing good after bad in this awful cost of living crisis we're in. If the banks with all their resources think your DP is a bad prospect, what makes you think that you as a single individual should take on this level of risk? It's madness.

EASTERHolidaysareHERETreadcarefully · 21/04/2024 22:37

Give him the money, gave him the whole kit and Caboodle, Because you are not listening to us.

But if you give him the money and never see it again, please don’t come back here weeping and gnashing your teeth. Because you were told time and time again NO.

TheBlueRoad · 21/04/2024 22:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Orophile · 21/04/2024 22:40

He is s business owner.

You are not a bank.

Mookie81 · 21/04/2024 22:42

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:00

He says he can’t get a loan as he’s had no income for the last year as he gets paid in lump sums for larger invoices as that’s how the business works. There are dry patches. I’ve suggested credit cards to bridge the gap and invoice finance but he says the invoices are so complicated that banks won’t loan… so basically I am his only option to get through this.

He's full of shit.

bert3400 · 21/04/2024 22:47

Have you looked at his accounts on Companies house ? Also why is he having to wait 3-6 months to be paid, I have 15 days payment on my invoices.
A lot doesn't add up. I would be tempted to look at his latest accounts before lending any money

Grimchmas · 21/04/2024 22:48

I suppose my gut is telling me something isn’t adding up.

Listen to it.

Surely if he were with me to get at my money/ have an easy life he would be nice and kind and caring and there for me? Instead he’s moody and dismissive of my needs due to the depression and stress of potentially having to go bankrupt.

Him being moody and dismissive of your needs is further evidence that you should NOT lend him money. It's not a reason to ignore your gut instinct, quite the opposite!

I'm a business owner. He can get a job.

Xenoi24 · 21/04/2024 22:49

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:00

He says he can’t get a loan as he’s had no income for the last year as he gets paid in lump sums for larger invoices as that’s how the business works. There are dry patches. I’ve suggested credit cards to bridge the gap and invoice finance but he says the invoices are so complicated that banks won’t loan… so basically I am his only option to get through this.

If he was single, he'd have to work something out.

Not very worthy of respect, a man who depends on women (whom he doesn't even treat well) to sort out his financial problems.

EmmaEmerald · 21/04/2024 22:51

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:46

Why is it exactly the game he’s playing? It didn’t make sense to me for him to be like that to gain something from me.

Show quote history

He'll take your money and either not be seen for dust, or he'll just use it for expenses and tell you the business went under.

Honestly OP, I feel like shouting WAKE UP.

FangsForTheMemory · 21/04/2024 22:51

He’s lying about how big a financial mess he’s in. If he can’t borrow from banks, it’s for a good reason. Don’t do it.

Avatartar · 21/04/2024 22:53

OP you are not responsible for the failure of his business. If you give him money you will be responsible for making yourself penniless as you’ll never see it again.
He’s lying and you know it.
You are being silly though, you know he lies to you, yet you are happy to take his excuses for wanting to take your hard earned income for you.
Do some research into what he is telling you, then dump him and keep your money- it’s yours not his!!
He’s not even nice to you - come on!!

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 21/04/2024 22:56

He can get a job in a totally unrelated field, so that there is no conflict of interest. You are correct that there is pride element, because those jobs will be things like working in a bar or at a supermarket.

Ponderingwindow · 21/04/2024 22:57

he might not be able to get a job in the same field and keep his contracts open, though if he has provided goods or services and the accounts are payable I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t still be due. He absolutely could go get some sort of job. If nothing else he could work fast food.

AdoraBell · 21/04/2024 22:58

Don’t lend him the money.

AngryBookworm · 21/04/2024 23:03

Don't lend him the money. This is an especial big no if he works in construction, where unpaid invoices and businesses going bankrupt are rife, but in general - it all sounds incredibly dodgy. A good rule of thumb is to only lend money to friends or loved ones if you'd be happy to give it and not see it again, which doesn't seem to be the case here (and rightly so - it's yours).

The banks won't give him a loan because they don't think he has enough cash coming in to keep the business viable, and the fact he's had to go to his girlfriend shows they're right. This isn't about them not understanding his business - that may well be how it works in the sector, but that means companies need to manage their finances accordingly.

Directors of limited companies can work elsewhere and often do. He could take on gig or contract work to keep the wolf from the door if he needed to. If you wouldn't give him the money, don't lend it.

RandomButtons · 21/04/2024 23:09

HesterPrincess · 21/04/2024 20:58

Look at his accounts on Companies House, they are easily found.

And I think you'll find the truth about this business.

Not if he’s a sole trader. No listings on companies house.

RandomButtons · 21/04/2024 23:14

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

He’s talking bollocks.

go look up some big names on companies house, you can have multiple businesses and listings AND still go work as an employee if you so wish.

I’ve got several friends and families listed as directors on Ltd companies that’s still have an employee role elsewhere.

Ellie56 · 21/04/2024 23:40

Nope. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him and I definitely would not be lending him any money.

Ihadenough22 · 21/04/2024 23:40

I know several people who are either sole traders or are self employed with employees in ltd companies they set up. Before starting a business they did research and got advice or did a start your own business course with their local enterprise organisation.
They could get advice down the line from the same organisation.

Business owners I know don't let any one person or company have months to pay an invoice. I know that this can happen with some jobs but you put money aside for this eventuality.
Also when you set up a new business it cash on delivery say for stock until a business owner gets to know you or can see a business company account's or credit report.
Then a new business will be allowed to buy x amount of stock and has to pay the invoice within 30 days. If you slow at paying invoices you won't be getting stuff until your bill is cleared or getting more credit or a long time to pay. Also you have to pay what's owed to the tax man on time as well.

If your boyfriends business was viable he get a loan from a bank to cover this time period. Banks would have business advisors that are aware of long term invoicing and business that have this despite the lies your boyfriend is trying to tell.
He wants you to give him x amount of money for how long. He has already lied to you about how successful he is or how much money he made in the past.
He come to you looking for money because he has not paid other people back in the past or might just give them £10 a week despite owning them a few hundred or thousand.

My feeling is that he gets paid and then goes mad spending and does not put money aside to allow for the downtime. I would not lend him money and being honest he does not treat you well so I tell him it over. He will just expect you to keep baling him out and leave you broke in the process.
As I heard - their not more than a broke man likes but a woman with money.

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/04/2024 23:55

Can he stay with you and sublet his place, can you cover some groceries etc.

Oh god don’t let him move in with you, you’ll be paying all the costs and you’ll never get rid of him.

Saracen · 21/04/2024 23:59

You're working too hard to figure out what the situation is with his business and whether he's lying.

It doesn't matter. The point is that for whatever reason, his business is not viable. If it were viable, he'd be able to get a bank loan.

Detach from all emotions and focus on that fact.

Iaskedyouthrice · 22/04/2024 00:04

Are you seriously going to pay a man who isn't very nice to you? Why are you still with him nevermind paying him a lot of money? Cos you are paying him. You won't see it again. I'm presuming he was nice to his ex? He doesn't seem to like you very much if he can't bring himself to be nice to you.

therealcookiemonster · 22/04/2024 00:09

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

that is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have EVER heard. I am director to two limited companies in the uk and work for the NHS. there is no issues. he is a liar. please leave him